Night weaning cold turkey - experience/advice?

[youngspiritmom]

Hello fellow Mamas! Need your beautiful advice!

So. I've got a cute little 15 month old boy who nurses to sleep (or sometimes nurses in bed and then falls asleep NOT nursing), and wakes up to nurse several times through out the night. It is definitely just for comfort, but it is keeping both me and him up and I think both of us would sleep better if the nursing went away!

We actually night weaned at about 12 months. Method: I nursed him to sleep in our bed, then slept on the couch until morning. My husband comforted him everytime he woke up (3-4 times a night, intense crying for about 10 mins each time). After 4-5 days of this, the waking and crying happened less and less.

After that week, I came back in the bed (no husband there anymore - he usually sleeps on couch and went back to that location), and everything basically unravelled. I was too tired to say no. So now hes nursing like he did before.

We live in an apartment with neighbors that sleep right above us. I am going to my mom's house for the next week and I want to night wean while I'm there so I dont have any neighbors disturbed by the crying. I wont have my hubby this time.

Here's my plan: Nurse the little guy in the living room chair, then brush teeth, read book. Lie in bed. No nursing to sleep. No nursing all night long; when he wakes up -- only his pacifier, blanket, hold him, pat his back etc. --- and I will be sleeping next to him. He can nurse in the same living room chair in the morning (earliest 6 am).

I am planning to do this every night for the week at my moms house, and continuing it when we come back home. The PLAN is - to night wean cold turkey.

Thoughts, experiences, encouragement, advice???

[wallacesmum]

My advice would be to let it flow. DS1 nightweaned at 2 1/2 when we could really talk about it - at 15 months it would have been a misery for both of us. Those little milk tuck-ins are doing something. Comfort is a factor, sure, but that type of closeness and comfort have real physiological benefits, and your baby's brain and gene-expression are developing actively. Breast milk is magic!

Are you tired during the day? Is he? Maybe there are other ways to meet that need than completely undisturbed sleeping for an extended period of time in the night. What we, as adults, expect as a full night's sleep is a long time for a little person. When I only had one, if he fell asleep in the car, I would park in the shade and nap there, too. If he was in a wrap and passed out, I would settle into a rocker and sleep then as well. When my second was born I got a little better about asking for help, too! Would any of that work to meet your needs?

[karika]

I know this isn't what you asked, but I believe 15 mo is too young. The baby is nursing for sustenance IMO not comfort. A baby that nurses at will in the night is much healthier and well fed. When he wakes 3-4 times a night crying, it is because he is hungry (IMO). Babies need to fill up on breastmilk often. My 18 mo just began sleeping for 6-7 hours without a feed within the last month. When she does latch on (prior to or in sleep), she nurses for 30 mi-1.5 hours. Prior to this new sleep schedule (which is all her doing, I changed nothing) she would nurse 4 times in the night, all for extended periods. There were times when she was latched on nearly all the time we were asleep. Please consider how small his stomach is and that you are asking the child to sleep with an empty stomach .
Going to bed when the child does (even for naps) is the easiest way to get enough rest. I get more rest now than when I was pregnant by making sure I am with her. She sleeps 14 hrs in a 24 hr cycle, so I lie beside her quietly using laptop, reading, doing a crossword, or watching shows on my pocketdish or tv (if you have an internet phone you can even surf the net while lying there). I get at least 10 hrs of sleep, which I need more than 8 hrs since it is broken. Some times I sleep 3 hrs at a time, 4 times in a 24 hr cycle (or did when dd2 was younger) The only times I have felt tired were the few times I tried to be out of the bed when she was down. When our children are older we will be able to have time out of the bed when they are in it. Let housework slide, or have your partner do it. I even use the time she is sleeping to bring a basket of clothes in to fold, while maintaining physical contact with her. I have snacks in our room and a big bottle of water. I hope you find what works for you while respecting your son's needs, the first two years are an adjustment for us adults as far as sleep goes. It is worth it to be the attachment parent and break the cycle of the myth of separation we live under to heal the human life on the planet.

[LadyCatherine185]

You should check out Dr. Jay Gordon's Nightweaning plan. It is a 10-day gentle method for nightweaning. You wouldn't have to do it cold turkey. We used this method starting at 18 months old (we took it slower though, a month rather than 10 days) and it worked really well with hardly any tears. Good luck!

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

You should check out Dr. Jay Gordon's Nightweaning plan. It is a 10-day gentle method for nightweaning. You wouldn't have to do it cold turkey. We used this method starting at 18 months old (we took it slower though, a month rather than 10 days) and it worked really well with hardly any tears. Good luck!

We did this at 12-13 months. I was so exhausted that it was either night wean or lose my temper 15 times a day over stupid things. We had some crying/fussing the first few nights, but other than that it went really well.

[alegna]

I think 15 months is too young to expect all night with no nursing.

-Angela

[mojobin]

I have to say THANK YOU! I have a 6 month old who has me up several times a night. Everyone I know (even in my nursing group with a lactation nurse) has babies who sleep for at least 6 hour stretches (even 2 month old babies). Sometimes I feel all alone in the world still nursing my DD at night when she wakes. She doesn't really seem to be doing it just for comfort as she nurses vigorously and sleeps again immediately afterwords. My thought is: I can't sleep if I'm hungry so how can I expect her to? I'm glad to see that you all are not worrying about it and have babies over a year. Feeling not so alone!

[alegna]

My ds is two and still nurses at night. Many do around 2 as the 2year molars can be brutal.

-Angela

[Shanny2032]

I have to agree with some others that I think 15 months (at least for us) is too young. I have had MANY moments in th elast 6 months (dd is 18 mos now) where I have thought about it, even attempted partial night weaning for allf of 1/2 a night. She just doesn't understand and I don't believe in switching gears on a baby like that when they don't know what is happening. I KNOW she is comfort nursing mostly with little actual eating going on but it isn't worth making her so upset to take that comfort away. Not yet anyway, at 2 we will revisit the idea for sure.

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by Shanny2032

I have to agree with some others that I think 15 months (at least for us) is too young. I have had MANY moments in th elast 6 months (dd is 18 mos now) where I have thought about it, even attempted partial night weaning for allf of 1/2 a night. She just doesn't understand and I don't believe in switching gears on a baby like that when they don't know what is happening. I KNOW she is comfort nursing mostly with little actual eating going on but it isn't worth making her so upset to take that comfort away. Not yet anyway, at 2 we will revisit the idea for sure.

I agree if baby can't understand it is too early.. At 18 months my DS definitely understood, which is why I think there were no tears. He went from nursing every 1-2 hours, to only waking every 3-5 hours, to now sleeping 8-10 hour stretches.

If you can hold off a little longer, I would. How often is your DS nursing at night? Does he eat a lot of solids? How many teeth does he have? At 18 months my DS had all teeth (minus 2 year molars.. which are coming in now) and was eating a lot of solids. I wouldn't have nightweaned so early, but I was newly pregnant, my milk was gone, nursing was painful, and I was TIRED.

There are other things you can do to help yourself feel more rested even if you aren't actually getting long blocks of sleep.

[AniellasMommy]

K I'm gonna stick my neck out there and say this:

1. A child who is night weaned will make up the nutritional difference durring the day.

2. Nursing at night is not the only form of comfort

OP never said she was going to leave the child comfortless and I really don't think it would be a big deal to night wean if that would work better for the balance of her family. Being a martyr is not healthy for anyone involved.
There are many, many OTHER options to regain balance besides night-weaning too, and I'm glad that those were pointed out.

[dividedsky]

i just night weaned (which was the last to go, so they're fully weaned now) my nearly 17 month-old twins about 3 weeks ago. it really didn't go too badly at all, and i feel like the timing was actually very good for all three of us.

they got to the point where i could tell that being nursed to sleep (or back to sleep) wasn't always doing it for them anymore. it was definitely a prop, but not for the better. what had worked before ceased to work for them, and it was time for a change.

one of my guys was always an ok sleeper, the other one woke a billion times a night. one night i found myself in bed with two restless, nursing on-and-off boys who just couldn't get their very overtired selves to sleep. and i was totally crawling out of my skin with the popping on and off... it was clear that it was just not working anymore...

anyway...

i decided that night that that was the end of it. for the next couple of days i tried to keep them REALLY busy during the day so they'd be nice and tired at night. that got them to the point where they were falling asleep on their own finally... though they were up pretty late fighting it for the first couple of nights. they weren't sad or crying really, i think they just didn't really know how to mellow out without nursing. i read to them for a while and hung out with them in bed until they fell asleep eventually. those nights i tried not to nurse them back to sleep when they woke, but gave in maybe once when one of my kiddos was up for like 3 hours in the middle of the night... which was fine.

anyway.

every night got better and better. 3 weeks later, they're sleeping through the night consistently.

your babe will not starve, if mine are any indication. they're excellent eaters and are definitely not wasting away

[youngspiritmom]

Hello Mamas -

All of your advice has really helped me. It is so nice to hear different opinions. I think we are going to night wean but we are going to wait a few more months if we can. (Just noticed some molars coming in anyway....) I am hoping that with the couple more months of development, he will understand better and maybe start making moves towards sleeping better on his own anyway.

By the way - the story about 17 month old twins was really inspiring!! congrats on getting your two babes to sleep through the night

I would love to hear more opinions, stories and advice

[starling&diesel]

Hi youngspiritmom!

I'm nightweaning my 17 month old now. She nurses as often as she wants during the day (which is a LOT, by the way ... upwards of two dozen times daily!!!) but I've started limiting her night nursing.

We have a bath together every night, during which is nurses, then teeth, jammies and story, during which she nurses, and then ten minutes or so of nursing after that as she settles, and then I put a shirt on and tell her that num-nums are going night-night. She completely understands.
She was a little upset a couple of times during the night of the first week or so, asking for num-nums when she woke. I held her and cuddled her and told her that num-nums went night night. Now she pats each boob and says, "Night-night num-num." She's welcome to nurse at any point if she's sick or teething or just needs extra closeness, but I am trying to limit the night-nursing from the previous free-for-all all night boob buffet.

Why? Because I need better sleep. I work long hours at a high-stress job (paramedic) and was starting to feel the wear of her night-wakings, especially because her latch was getting lazy and was starting to be painful and keep me awake whereas before I slept through her night nursings. She still nurses tonnes during the day, as I said.

And by the way ... you should come over to the toddler section and join the Feb '09 Due Date Club! We're super active and super supportive and would love to have you!

[youngspiritmom]

Thanks for being so welcoming, starling&diesel!

Where can I find the Feb 09 due date club? Thanks

[ellegoat]

I night weaned at 18 months, because the lack of sleep was really getting to me, and it went better than I thought it would. Basically I nursed her to sleep, and then when she woke up, I'd just pat her back and give her kisses, say "shhhhh" over and over again, and prevented her from pulling up my shirt. The first night wasn't fun, of course, she woke up 4 or 5 times, and cried each time about 10 minutes, but then fell asleep again. The second night she woke up 3 times, and cried a little shorter, and the next night a little shorter. By day 5, she would go back to sleep on her own without asking to nurse. She still nursed first thing in the morening, and during the day as much as she liked.