Your opinion: 2.5 yr gap VS. 3 yr gap

[youngspiritmom]

Hello Mamas! Love to you all!

My boy is 15 months old. I have had a pretty hard 1st year having a baby and just now feel like Im coming out of a dark cave! But, believe it or not....

We would like a second! and are trying to decide between Ta 2yr 6m gap or a 3yr gap.

From what I have read on these forums, it seems that the 3yr gap is generally "easy" with less jealousy etc. Do you think the difference between 2yr 6m and 3 yrs is a big one?

Also - my husband is a teacher. If we had a baby at the 2yr6m mark, it would be in August which would mean he would be off to help. The 3 yr mark would be in the middle of his school year.

Also - if we had the baby at 2yr 6m, they would be 2 grades apart in school (ie one is in 3rd while the other is in 1st) and for the 3 yr gap it would be 3 grades apart (ie one is in 3rd while the other is in K).

What would you choose?? Thoughts, replies, opinions??

[youngspiritmom]

Ok, I just found this thread about advantages and disadvantages of child spacing. Sorry if I posted a repeat topic or in the wrong place -- but I would still love your answers to the poll

[Bokonon]

Well, you may not get pregnant right away. So you may shoot for a 2.5 year difference and end up with a 3 year gap, or more. Or your son may be mature or immature for his age at that age. I think the difference between 2.5 and 3 years is extremely subjective and variable.

My brother and I are 2.5 years apart, and I loved having that age gap. We were 3 years apart in school, so when I was a freshman, he was a senior.

My kids are 4 years apart and it has worked well for us. My son is pretty immature for his age, and will be starting kindergarten at age 6, so if my DD starts kindy at 5, they will only be 3 years apart in school like my brother and I were. But DH and I were just not ready to TTC any sooner than we did, so whatever age difference we ended up with would have been right!

[Birdie B.]

Ha, I'm wondering the same thing right now!

[Teenytoona]

I'd go for the bigger gap - 3 years or more, personally.

[jenfl]

Well, I haven't done both a 2.5 and 3 year spacing, just a 3 year (well, 2 years 10 months). And so far, I like it a lot. DD is a lot more independent and able to entertain herself than she was at 2.5 years.

We were shooting for about 3 years but knew it might take a while. So we started at what would be 2 years 9 months, and got pretty lucky!

[Huck]

My kids are 2 years, 9 months apart. (DS is older than DD) I think it would have been better to have waited a bit longer (to at least 3 years apart). DS is now 3 1/2 years old and he still likes to be carried sometimes. He has really changed and matured a tremendous amount in the last year. They are really still babies and need so much one on one attention until they are 3 (and even beyond, depending on the child). In addition, I think my pregnancy would have been easier had I waited another 6 months. As it was, my midwife didn't want me carrying DS while pregnant and his dad picked up a lot of the slack... which was nice, but I feel like I've missed out on being a part of a bunch of DS's growing up b/c I was pregnant and then taking care of a new baby. In addition, DD has had eczema/skin problems since she was 3 months old... I can't help but think that maybe my body needed a little longer between pregnancies to rebuild to make the healthiest baby possible.

We also thought that we'd start trying on the early end b/c I was 38 & it might take longer to conceive, but nope I got pregnant first try...

Good luck & blessings no matter what your decision may be.

[mommy22boys]

My boys are 2years, 3 months apart, and I think that is a perfect age gap. My older DS was jealous at first, but now he is not at all, he takes really good care of his brother and always looks out for him. By the time he turned 3 and was old enough to be more independent, he was also used to being a big brother so it was actually more helpful I think to have already had a baby brother and be able to help out and understand, rather than having it all be knew to him when he first turned 3.. does that make sense?
It was hard at first to get used to 2 babies, but I think again this would be easier for you since you said your DH will be there to help.
Also, I like the 2 year grade gap too, I think they'd be closer as they grow up if there are 2 grades apart rather than 3.
That's just what I think, but I've always wanted to have my children close in age.
When they are older (like both out of highschool) 2.5 years or 3 years will not even really make any difference.

[AAK]

My first two are 2 yr 8 months apart. The third came 3 yr 4 months later. So, my oldest and youngest are 6 yr apart (minus a day).

My first two are much closer than #2 &#3. I think this is because of the larger age gap. So, I voted for 2 1/2 yr split. (Assuming you are excellent at getting pg when you want to!) Another plus, IMO was that before my kids were 3, they were content to be at home all the time. After 3, they seemed to want the play dates, they are in preschool, etc--which is kinda crazy when you have a newborn. Either way, the first six months will be challenging, but once that new one can sit up and be "entertained" by the older. . .life is fun again. The oldest feels so important and special because the baby is completely infatuated by them and mom gets a chance to make dinner and breathe.

Amy

[Nazsmum]

"family planning" is not always the way you want. So I would say that if you want more then...leave the planning to God.

I have 2 boys 3 yrs apart. But I miscarried inbetween. So.......you never know.

[kalamos23]

Originally Posted by Nazsmum

"family planning" is not always the way you want. So I would say that if you want more then...leave the planning to God.

I have 2 boys 3 yrs apart. But I miscarried inbetween. So.......you never know.

Ditto - I thought we would have kids 2 years or under apart - right now, if this is a sticky baby, we will be at 2y8m apart. The good thing is that DD is getting SO much more independant than she was even a month ago, so I'm actually glad it has worked out this way. I think she will do better with the bigger age gap. In fact, I'm liking having this time with her so much, we will most likely not start trying until around 18mo or so, instead of 12m.