Weekly thread, June 13-20

[jenfl]

Okay, so this last week seemed rough all around. Hoping for a better one this week.

I'm going to try to start off on a positive note. Blueberry picking yesterday was awesome; DD has been in a really sweet mood. I'm going to try to build on that!

[Knitting Mama]

We get to go to breakfast to my favorite little place today with the whole family. It's awesome because there will be plenty of people to cuddle Cecilia if she decides she hates the restaurant like she did last time. Last time we met my husband's weird friends there who looked bewildered every time Cece cried and referred to her as "it". Yeah, that didn't go over too well for me...

[smeisnotapirate]

Very weird, Aimee.

We've had a good week. I'm still waiting to get my mother's helper (next week! ) so I can truly get some work done.

to you Jen. I read your post on the last thread. I hope things get better. Sending lots of easy nursing vibes your way.

Also to you too, Jess. Antidepressants were what picked me up last time. It might be worth a try.

I also wanted to be miserable with you too, Amy! I got my period THE DAY I WAS CLEARED FOR SEX. Very not happy about it. And I tried to use my Diva Cup yesterday, which went in fine but OWWWWW it hurt when it came out. I think I reopened one of my skid marks.

I just want to have sex again, period or not. Waaaaaah.

[snoopy5386]

still feeling very sick, like I have the flu but it is not the flu. Just got out of bed after sleeping 12 hours (with wakeups). What is wrong with me!!! Ahhhh!!! This sucks! I want to go on my vacation damnit!!!

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Oh please let this be a better week

Yesterday was sweet. My mom took all three kids to the local amusement park (she bought them season passes for their birthdays) so dh and I had the day with just R. We went out to eat, went to have coffee, got to fuss over R. And R was in a lovely mood. Cooing and smiling.

Now this week we're waiting to hear about unemployment as in do we get it or not. Hopefully we do or we're really in a lot of trouble. And we're applying for foodstamps. Again keeping our fingers crossed that this all comes through.

Dh is going to be home starting on Wednesday so I think things will be easier on me. I hope this will pull me out.

[Carita]

GL GT getting the help you need. hows the job search going?

snoopy, could it be mastitis? fever and achy body? whatever it is, get rest!

Aimee - it? weirdos! when i had DS no one else had kids, now i am lucky that i have mommy friends who get it.

jen - ohh can't wait - blueberry season is Late July - Aug here. I think Strawberry season starts now though... hmm...

[jsh7809]

I agree, let's have a MUCH better week! Aren't these the last weeks of our DDC, too? AAAGH!
Don't y'all go and get pregnant again just to keep in the clubs

Now that I've decided (pretty much) to start an anti depressant, I can't wait to get going on it! The baby has been sleeping pretty well as long as we swaddle her, but after that 4am feeding, I am having a heck of a time getting back to sleep... that seems to be my dark hour, when I have a little panic attack and lay there thinking about all of the things that I've done wrong already, how Symphony deserves a better mother I thought I'd be, how I want a break from mothering already... SO helpful (not)!
I did start reading my "Postpartum Depression for Dummies" book (terrible, terrible title but seems to have lots of good info) and although I fit a lot of the criteria, if I'm honest with myself, I have been struggling with that stuff all of my life (but haven't been medicated for it for years and years, choosing instead to "power through" or do my best with other things like counseling, exercise, and just being bummed out a lot!). So although it happens to be depression I'm dealing with postpartum, it's a continuation of depression I've had most of my life, and definitely depression I had during pregnancy. I actually had a bit depressive spell this time last year, right before I got pregnant. I wonder if it's something about June or just coincidence?
Anyway. DH has concerns (as do I) but I explained to him that I can always stop the drugs but I don't seem able to stop the depression and anxiety on my own. I am just not coping and then beating myself up for not coping on my own.
I want to be there for my daughter! My sister and I both had a really depressed mom throughout our childhoods and it was really, really rough on both of us.

I'm trying to think of something positive to end with... all I can think of is that I hope, indeed, that this week is better. I feel shame, humiliation, guilt, and frustration with myself - and really bad that some of you who have much more challenging situations are powering through them and shining! And I have a pretty easy life but am not doing so hot.

[Knitting Mama]

Yeah, it pissed me off, Carita, but I decided it was better to just ignore it than to raise a fuss with a screamy baby as well. My husband and I just took turns with her outside the restaurant bouncing her. My girl loves fresh air!

Today's outing was way better. She fell asleep on me pretty much right after we got there, so I ate breakfast one handed-- so what else is new!

This afternoon should be fun and interesting-- we're doing a potluck for our Bradley childbirth class reunion, up at the instructors' house. I am really looking forward to seeing everyone's babies! The oldest was born at the beginning of February and the youngest at the end of April. Most of our kids came mid March through mid April, so lots of babies Cece's age. Unfortunately the drive is killer. I really hope Cecilia's not screaming the entire way (both ways).

[Carita]

jess - i had a depression issue the summer before I was pregnant w/DS, I know what you mean about powering through. anyway - I saw an acupunturist and it really helped. then when i had ds i did counseling. i bet counseling in additiioin to meds would help you sort through your anxieties as well.

dh left at 4am for a confence. my mom comes over monday am & we leave for a conference as well, but that means i have the kids all by myself today/tonight/tomorrow AM. so far, ds has been great! bless him. idk how you mamas do it everyday alone w/2 kids though.

aimee - my dd loves outdoors as well - actually both my kids do.

[Dena]

Jess - Please don't beat yourself up or compare yourself to what others are going through. It is hormones and brain chemistry, not you or your ability to cope. Everyone is different in that regard. I hope the anti-depressants work for you.

Aimee - glad you had a good breakfast! You were very diplomatic with your friends - I don't think I could have been so reserved.

Ginger - fingers crossed things start looking up for you this week - you guys are due!!

Sme - yay for a mother's helper!! The teenage boy next door will be coming over for a few hours a week this summer to play with the older kids while I work - I can't wait!

Periods - I think I am ovulating, so mine is just around the corner. Told dh today that I am ovulating, and he said, "is that a hint?" Smarta$$. I know our chances of conception are about 1% in any given month, but the way our luck runs, this would be our month. Yeah, eleven month old twins and a newborn.

afm - I think I was on too high a dosage of zoloft - I am a pretty light weight when it comes to drugs, anway. I was waking up with headaches every morning and just feeling tense, but in a different way from the way depression makes me tense, if that makes any sense. So last night I broke a pill in half, and I actually feel normal today for the first time in weeks. Of course, it could also be because the sun is shining, dh is home, and I woke up to hot coffee, bacon, and biscuits for breakfast, and yesterday I got six weeks worth of laundry folded and put away. We'll see. At least today is good, and for that I am grateful.

Had a very odd and fun thing happen yesterday. I was watching the babies in their bouncy chair batting at the toys hanging there, and thinking I would like a mobile for them, but that it was going to have to wait, because May and June have been a very expensive couple of months (birthdays, graduation, mother's and father's day, trip to Oregon, etc.) and dh's temp job ends in a couple of weeks and we have no guarantee he will have something else or unemployment. And then last night one of my mom's friends brought a present over for the babies - a new mobile!! Things like that make me feel like just maybe the universe is on our side after all...

[jsh7809]

Dena - love the vision of your girls sharing their bouncy seat . Isn't it great how the babes are starting to interact with their worlds more and more? It does make me smile...
Just had a long talk with DH about starting meds. He is against it, although he wants to support me - he just worries so much about it getting into the baby's system. He has no had good results with these meds in the past, whereas I have seen good effects, long ago when I needed them.
Sigh. I know that he will let me make my own decision but it sucks to even know that he is not happy about it. I tried telling him that, to my mind, the drugs that I have had to take on an "as needed" basis (ativan, trazadone) the past weeks, not to mention the norco I was taking to recover from my surgery/ postpartum pain, are probably a lot more dangerous and get into her bloodstream more (ask me how THAT makes me feel - no, wait, don't, that's what I"m beating myself up most about today).
He just wants me to try some alternatives first, which I can understand, but I also am having trouble just getting through the day. Let's hope he comes around, and that today is my most "acute" down day... the sun IS shining and there really is no reason for me to be feeling this low. Which is kind of the whole point with depression, eh?
Thanks for the tip about counseling and acupuncture - both are so expensive but obviously my and baby's health are worth it, so I'll put the calls in today.
xoxoxo to everyone!

[leavemealone]

I haven't been posting much, but I hope everyone is doing OK. I think we are going to take our first long distance trip next week. We've been to DH's family's but it was only a day trip. This will be about a five day trip. We are moving somewhere at the end of July and we are scouting out the two finalists - Raleigh, NC and Richmond, VA. Anyone know any good places we should check out before deciding? I am a bit concerned about traveling with all four kids, but we'll get through it. My mom is retiring next Friday and we will also be surprising her with a visit. We'll only be able to stay a day or two, but it will be a nice surprise (at least I hope it will be). Other than that, I am adjusting to all four kids at home during the summer and trying to pack up what I can in our house a little at a time.

[jenfl]

Sandcastle -- both of those are great choices! We lived in Williamsburg, VA and DH worked in Richmond. And we nearly moved to the Chapel Hill area.

Jess -- I have to admit to being a bit annoyed at your DH. I wish he were more supportive of your decision to pursue medication. It's a huge and very brave step to admit that you need help, and him second-guessing you isn't helpful at all. YOU know how you're feeling, how hard things are.

Lots of women use these medications and breastfeed -- this isn't a new idea or a medication trial. It's much more important for your DD to have a present and stable mom than the nearly-non-existant risk the medications pose.

From over here, it really seems like you're making the right choice.

[susla]

i haven't posted since dd was born, but i have been reading. and Jess, i wanted to let you know that i started taking celexa at 32 weeks pregnant and am still taking it now while breastfeeding. i started having panic attacks while pregnant and became pretty overwhelmed with anxiety, also i think i had some secondary depression. i never thought i'd take meds while pregnant but i ended up consulting with a specialist in reproductive psychiatry and she really calmed my fears about it. plus my ob had no problem with it. ssri's are very very safe. my baby is doing great and i see no side effects. when i mentioned to my ped at our first appt that i was taking it she laughed and said, "oh, don't worry, ssri's are in our water!" and then more seriously said she has seen so many mothers take them and has never seen a baby suffer any ill effects.

for me, the combination of meds and therapy has helped immensely. i definitely was getting to the point where i couldn't be the kind of mama i wanted to be because i was too consumed with anxiety. now i feel like i'm in a really good place and have been able to really savor these first weeks with a newborn.

i just wanted to share my experience with you-i hope it helps. there's a lot of research on how safe ssri's are for breastfeeding and i hope you can get your dh on board with a decision you feel good about...good luck!

[snoopy5386]

I can now add vomiting to my list of symptoms. This is just weird. Still not really any breast pain so I'm not thinking mastitis.....

[Dena]

Originally Posted by jenfl

Jess -- I have to admit to being a bit annoyed at your DH. I wish he were more supportive of your decision to pursue medication. It's a huge and very brave step to admit that you need help, and him second-guessing you isn't helpful at all. YOU know how you're feeling, how hard things are.

Lots of women use these medications and breastfeed -- this isn't a new idea or a medication trial. It's much more important for your DD to have a present and stable mom than the nearly-non-existant risk the medications pose.

From over here, it really seems like you're making the right choice.

This. If it would help him to have an expert's opinion, you might show him this link from Kellymom by Dr. Hale regarding the safety of antidepressants in breastfeeding moms (conclusion: most are safer than having a depressed mom). Fwiw, I took zoloft with dd2, and she has shown no side effects from it.

Snoopy - hope you feel better soon!

[loveneverfails]

Dena, how in the hell did you manage to ovulate while breastfeeding twins who are that young!?!?!

I just dyed my hair because I was bored. It's red now.

[crazyeight]

gah i need to find some positive things in my life! i also feel like i am just barely getting out of survivng each day. finally now (2 months old, 2 weeks after moving) i was able to "get ahead" which for means that i was able to make banana bread (if i can sew, watch a movie, crafts, cook etc then i am "ahead"). on the same token however i have MOVED with a not quite 2 month old while previously living in such cramped quarters it was hard to do anything but breath and added 2 more boys to my life in the last 2 weeks...so i'm not sure whether my "damn nothing is EVER easy each day just SUCKS" type attitude is normal especially for my situation or if i should be considering some natural antidepressent meds...i've been on an antidepressent before as a teen and honestly i don't think they really work for me; it's more of a whole life sucks kind of thing not a hormonal thing. i wish i could get to the chiro though. my neck is getting really stressed plus being able to get R sleeping on his own i feel would greatly increase my happy moods.

on a better note R is interacting with his toys on purpose! he's batting at the toys on the bars in front of him and just generally using his arms as battering pole. so funny!

also our nap time has improved very well but the night time has gotten worse. he isn't going down very easily (not fussy just AWAKE) probably because of the lights and stuff but not something i can control very well cause of the 6 other people who are awake in the house, he wakes up like a nap through the night so i'm feeding "a little" every 2 hours or so (i think there's no clocks yet).

so do you guys ACTUALLY stay in the feeding sleep position all night when you cosleep? like on your side with baby in your armpit, boob at the ready(ish) or do you feed and then reposition etc?

i am thinking of you all and reading and keeping up with everyone through here and FB I just don't have enough memory to respond (cause i still forget deodorant on a daily basis).

[rhiOrion]

Jess- Maybe your DH doesn't understand how absolutely serious PPD can be? Maybe there is something he could read? I'd ask in the PPD forum about it.

Sandcastle- My vote is Raleigh! If you're here on a Wednesday you should check out the MDC mommy meet-up that happens every week. I'll be back at work by then, but they're a great group of ladies. If you have any questions about the area let me know. I love it here. I actually love Durham more than I loved Raleigh (I've lived in both, Durham is about 30 minutes NW of Raleigh). If you guys have time you should check out the Museum of Life and Science in Durham (if you do it on a weekend, it's walking distance from my house and I'd love to meet you!). There's a kid's museum in Raleigh. Lots of great parks. Durham Bulls if you like baseball. Jordan Lake, Falls Lake, Umstead Park, and Eno Park if you like outdoorsy stuff.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

s to all those who are struggling, especially Jen. I hope things start looking up soon!

We just started work on renovating our new house. It needs lots of cosmetic work; some of it Dh can do, but some of it (like painting) he has zero experience with... so I have a looooong list of tasks. We went out to the house this weekend and I managed to paint a room. I also painted the hardwood floor (they were a wreck)-- I have always wanted painted floors, and they look great! The walls are a creamy coffee color (Au Lait Ole ) and the floors are cream (Alabaster!) I'm pleased with how it looks.

However. It's so hard for me to have a project and have to stop... and stop... and stop... and stop again. DS is only two months old. There is a part of me that thinks I should be able to just sit around and coo at him all the time, because he is still so little... then another part of me feels like, "I have things to do, child! Latch on and stop fussing!" I painted half the room and almost the entire floor with him in the hotsling... The paint was all no VOC, but I still hate exposing him to any of it.

Poop: DS's poops have been mucousy forever. They seem to be becoming more mucousy, not less. It is like a diaper full of baby-poop colored egg white. They are yellow, not green, but the consistency bothers me. DD had this a lot, too, but there were at least *some* cottage cheese consistency diapers. He doesn't seem any more fussy than an average baby, and he has no rash, but... what's the deal with the poop?