Need birthday etiquette advice.

[BellaClaudia]

So.. my DD is having her 5 birthday, her God mother lives across the country and we used to send her birthay invitations every year and although she could not come nor we expected her to come since we were doing the
in home celeberations she was "technically" invited indeed since it was at home..

This year we made a four weeks ahead of the actuall birthday date (due to travel of many parents later) a preschol kinda thingy group of kids at outside location only birthday party and therefore only kids from her group and parents were invited.

Now what should I do?.. should I keep sending her invitations every year because we did that before only to continue some gesture?

or should I stop.

the thing is that we don not plan any family/friend kinds of bashes at home so technically nothing to invite her to.


my source of frustration:


- If I will continue sending her invitaiton it might look like I am just trying to
pull some gift or something out of her like I am kinda bagging her which I never did send invite in the first place for but just out of some love and connection of a sort and so she felt invited.


- If I won't send her invitation it might look like I have put her aside or something like that and she might get upset over the sudden change


my thing is that now when the kid is getting into school age she will most likley be having a class friends parties and we can't afford double parties
so what should I do.

please all the mamas speak your mind.

[Vancouver Mommy]

I would not send an invitation, but send a picture of the birthday girl after the fact so she does not feel forgotten. Once friends become the priority at parties I think it's OK to leave out extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) if you like.

[phathui5]

Maybe you could send a nice note instead.

[kittykat2481]

I always send an invitation to grand/great grandparents and godparents, even if I know they won't be able to make it. It makes them feel included. I always make sure to call and say, "We know that you're busy with work/kids/whatever this time of year and won't be able to make it, but as always we wanted you to know that you are always invited because we love you very much." Usually if the grandparents can't come because they live out of state, etc, they still like to see the invitation, see where the party is, the theme etc. They get excited about it, and like to be able to talk to DS about it.

[mclisa]

My kids are excited to get a special card from a great aunt and uncle. There is always a nice message and it is a nice way for them to be connected even though we are geographically separated from them.

[annethcz]

I wouldn't send an invitation- I don't see a reason to do so.

[baltic_ballet]

I wouldn't send the invite but instead send a nice letter updating her on what you DD has been doing and some recent photos. You could also get your DD to draw her godmother a special drawing and include that to. It's always nice to receive mail that are not bills in my mailbox and I am sure Godmother would love some new photos to display.

You could maybe ask GM to reply starting off a special penpal relationship between your DD and GM where they exchange cards and letters keeping a special bond.

[rightkindofme]

Personally I would call her up and say, "Hey! I'm having a dilemma. I want you to feel loved/wanted/included so I am sending you invitations. However I worry that you might feel I am just fishing for presents and I totally am not doing that. Would you like to continue to get invitations knowing that they are not an indication that we need a present but rather are an expression of our love for you? Or would it be ok to just send you an update letter/card sort of thing with a picture so you know we are thinking of you."

But I'm like that.

[lilyka]

I would never have expected to get an invitation and my childrens Godparents know their birthday and namesdays (honestly it is part of their job as godparents IMHO) and don't need a reminder of any sort. But if her godmother lives far away rather than sending an invite to a party you know she won't be able to attend why not send a nice letter giving her an update on your dd life. it would be great to include some art from your dd as well as some pictures. So much more meaningful than a random party invite.

[aussiemum]

If she's your child's godmother, why not just pick up the phone and call her? That way you can explain that even though you are sending her an invite, you don't expect her to be there or anything, but just thought she would like an update on her god-daughter.