Uncooperative behavior from DS with sitter

[KalamazooMom]

My DS is 7 and my DD is 10. I hired a sitter for them for the summer for 3 days a week. She came highly recommended and I'm glad I found her. She's 20, college student, lots of experience, etc. So I got this e-mail from her this weekend:

"I had difficulties with DS on Friday. I didn't want to mention anything while he was around, but he refused to do anything I asked him to do or thought of as an activity. It wasn't so bad in the morning, however, after bowling he didn't want to do anything other than play on the computer or play Wii. I offered that we could read a book, play a game, chalk in the driveway, jump on the trampoline, and several other things, to which he said "no" to all of them. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "I'm not going to do anything you want me to do."
We tried riding the bikes to the school playground, but we weren't even 40 feet along when DS just stopped and put his head on the handlebars. He wouldn't say anything to DD or myself when we asked what was wrong and didn't make any movements either. After several minutes of trying to perk him up, we went back to the house and he ran into his room and shut the door---still refusing to talk. DD and I played Connect 4 for awhile and he finally came out. He ended up playing with us, taking turns with DD. "

I really do think he's testing her. He has a limit of 2 hours per day of screen time and my guess is that he's doing what he can to get her to cave in and let him play some more. So what do I tell her? Just ignore the behavior? And what do I say to him? I really want him to get along with the sitter and don't want them to have a bad relationship. And I'm really afraid if DS continues to be a pain in the butt she'll look for another job.

[geekgolightly]

It sounds like you have an involved and caring sitter, which is great!

Has DS ever been with a sitter for extended periods like this? This transition might be hard for him. I think my son would do some testing limits to see what he could get away with, but if he were putting his head on the handlebars and refusing to talk and disappearing into his room, I would think that it was more than just limit testing.

Thank her for her e-mail, and ask if he seems depressed or frustrated when he acts like this and tell her you appreciate her hard work, and you want to help during this transition, and will talk to your DS. That way she doesn't feel unappreciated and knows that you are working on your end to help sort it.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

We've had several afterschool sitters over the years and DS almost always goes through an "uncooperative" phase. I do think its mostly testing things out and seeing how the sitter will deal with things.

I would definitely thank the sitter for the information AND the tact not to say anything in front of your DS. That is great. If you have suggestions for how she could have done things differently, then you can give them to her. Though personally, I think she handled things really well and I would tell her so. Reassure her that you liked the way she handled things (assuming you did) and that you think that DS will come around after adjusting to her.

Talk to your child to get his take on the situation. Maybe she said or did something that upset him without her realizing it. Or maybe there was something more going on from his perspective. One thing I found out with one sitter was that she was much better coming up with ideas for DD than for DS, so DS got frustrated with all the "girly stuff". Does he have ideas of what he would like to do? Maybe you can help him figure out how to tell the sitter these ideas.