Little update on summer vacation *updated post 53*NEW one 62 - Page 4

[Avani]

Yes we are working on drafting something. He still hasn't signed the agreement or filed anything new in court. We did just word that he submitted his application for his college to enter into the mental health aide certificate program. Are you kidding me? How could a man with a restraining order and a court order for attending a batterer's program be accepted into a mental health program?

[Avani]

Ok, so yesterday he finally signed the agreement and faxed it back to my lawyer. However he added in his own little stipulation onto what my lawyer drew up (of course, right?!). He added in "i am only agreeing to this one week visit for the summer of 2010 even though i feel i am fully entitled to one half of summer as the judge said i was because of a dentist appointment that our daughter has." I attempted to get a lawyer to read this over before i signed but was unable to. I will not agree to such a short visit again. Also he suddenly wants to utilize his EOW in combination with this one week visit. Which means the kids would be with him for 3 days, then me for 2 days then with him for 9 days, spend one night with me from 6 pm to 9 am then back to him for 2 days. After five full months of no contact with him and then this? And returning to me one night just to get up and leave the next morning. I see all kinds of freaking out on the behalf of my little ones over this. That will not be healthy for them at all. THis man is ridiculous. Plus where is he getting all this money to drive up here and have the kids for three days in a hotel? camping? then hanging out in our town for a few days while i have the kids and then he drives them all the way down to where he lives. Then he comes back and has them for three days where i live. THat is a whole lot of money. ANd i still haven't gotten a penny of support.

Now the thing is the judge never said he would ever get half of summer. Ever. Which is why it wasn't ordered. Also we attempted in the beginning of May to get summer figured out with him and he never responded. He didn't say a word until the middle of June 3 weeks into the kids school vacation. I had already scheduled out sports camps etc for all the kids. We never heard from him so why wouldn't i set things up? I have dentist appt's for all the kids also set up. He only put in that we weren't allowing him a longer visit because of one appt. He doesn't say he neglected to answer us back in May before the summer was her to set up anything and by the time he responded we were well into summer.

Ok, so my lawyer responded to him that she would not file this with his added stip. It was not a part of the agreement. That was yesterday and we haven't heard back from him.

However, i no longer feel ok with his one week visit. He still hasn't called the kids and it's been two months. He hasn't even seen them since April. But bigger then all of that is my one kid broke his two front teeth and we have dentist appt's scheduled throughout this month fixing them. And my other kid broke his hand last week at basketball camp and we are waiting on an appt with an orthopedist to figure out if he needs surgery plus he needs a full cast etc.

Now when i bring this all up to my lawyer she says she can not support me on not offering a visit. She says that even if kids are sick or need dental work that they still have to do their visits with dad. She said a judge would order it unless i had a dr's not saying otherwise. I told her that my ex lagged big time on attempting to set anything up (even with our offer this time he took two weeks!) and two emergencies have come up and i need to get this stuff taken care of now and before school starts up in August. Front teeth and a broken hand are too big of things for me to send them off somewhere else for a week. She says we need to bend over backwards looking reasonable to this judge. I told her what about my ex never paying child support, not using EOW ever, not calling for months? Seriously i need to bend over backwards. I don't believe this man should of gotten away with unsupervised visits in the first place.

[Avani]

Darn that got long. I wanted to say, what do you do when your lawyer won't support you? She said we already offered and taking it back will make me look bad. But we offered two weeks ago, two big medical things have come up and the man can always do EOW. She said that with this judge i need to look like i am reasonable and he is a huge advocate for father's rights. She said i would have to cancel the dental appt's and all other appt's and wait until they come back. I so do not agree. So what would you do?

[Halfasianmomma]

Hmm, well, you could get another lawyer, however, this lawyer knows your case well and knows the judge who'll be presiding, so it stands to reason that she wants to win and is choosing the best strategy to achieve this. I get the concept of not looking credible by withdrawing the one week visit.

Who knows, the judge may order that one week visitation and he may not even avail himself of it!

Can you not offer that same one week visit, in your home town, without the stipulation that he added on, but WITH the stipulation that he be involved in accompanying the children to their medical appointments (with you present)? He wants to spend time with them doesn't he?

How about obtaining a note from the surgeon/doctor stating that the injury needs to be tended to asap so the appointment has to go through? As for the dental work, you may need to reschedule it because people are always so willing to overlook the necessity of dental work...

I dunno, I'm just throwing ideas out there...

[Super~Single~Mama]

I think you need to schedule a surgery for your son, during that one week visit. Honestly, thats the only way you're going to get out of it.

And, if my lawyer was refusing to support me I'd get a new one. I know this one is pro-bono, but you need a new one. And you need to get jurisdiction changed to where you live - if the judge doesn't grant it then you need to appeal that decision to a higher court.

[Avani]

I should schedule all the dental visits while he is here and make him pay for them all. He already owes me $1000 just to that dentist and they are going to make me pay for it all or my kids can no longer go there. And here where i live there are very, very few good pediatric dentists and they all have year long waitlists. When you get an appt you do not cancel. If i cancel my son's dental work he won't have four front teeth for months and he is at a critical time for speech and he can barely eat. I don't know if my other kid needs surgery yet. Waiting on the consult.

Ultimately i would like jurisdition switched to up here. I would also like to lay out a visitation schedule with a mediator present and set up more distinct guidelines. The judge ordering everything makes it all vague and inconsistent. Like the fact that he hasn't done a single EOW visit and hasn't called in months and suddenly believes he is entitled to half of summer. Also the fact that he went from supervised visits, that he never took for three full years, to unsupervised with this new, stupid judge. So i think throwing it to a mediator, setting strict new guidelines (like if he can't call or use EOW then he can't have spring break and summer break). Like he needs to prove he completed the batterer's program (he didn't!). It's really time to finalize everything and get it done with already. Four years is ridiculous for a divorce case.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Like I said, I really think you need a new lawyer.

[Amanda L]

Just my opinion, but I would get notes from any medical proffesionals stating the urgency of the procedures and the scheduled dates and forward them to my lawyer. She could write up a nifty little note stating that of course you are not revoking the offered time, but since the procedures have to be completed during his parenting time, he is responsible for making sure they get to their appointments. Part of being a parent is the inconvenience of appointments - even if you are a long distance parent the child's best interest should come first.

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by Amanda L

Just my opinion, but I would get notes from any medical proffesionals stating the urgency of the procedures and the scheduled dates and forward them to my lawyer. She could write up a nifty little note stating that of course you are not revoking the offered time, but since the procedures have to be completed during his parenting time, he is responsible for making sure they get to their appointments. Part of being a parent is the inconvenience of appointments - even if you are a long distance parent the child's best interest should come first.

Yes, that exactly.

I really don't think you should switch lawyers. I think that would just add more complication and take time. And I think you need to stick with the same one who knows the history as you go into the next stage of all this.