Do you get a hard time from others about continuing to breastfeed?

[RileysMom29]

My son is 20 months old and we are still nursing at night and he still sleeps in our bed. I am constantly having to defend my choices to my in-laws. They think my son should be in his crib and should be weaned by now. It is just so hard to keep hearing this and keep trying to defend my decisions. Have any of you dealt with this? Just looking for support! Thanks so much!

[kiwiva]

I'm sorry you are having this problem. I think it is pretty common. How does your husband feel about your nursing relationship? Is he on board with you or is he wishy washy or complaining to them about it? You guys need to be on the same page, it will make it a lot easier.

We have always coslept and DD nursed throughout the night until 28 mos when I night weaned. She has never slept in a crib. My mom stayed here once and was pretty horrified, I think. She made a comment in the am and I said something sarcastic back to not invite further discussion and that was the end of that. I have never complained about sleep issues to anyone who didn't parent the same way and though I didn't hide or lie about what we did, I definitely did not go out of my way to discuss it with non-receptive people. That worked pretty well for me.

Since it sounds like they are in no way receptive to education on the topic, I would just stop defending it. There are different approaches. You could stare blankly at them as if they have 3 heads while they prattle on (while thinking of something else) and just respond "hmmm" when they are done (really it is difficult to go on and on forever if the person is not responding, eventually they will feel stupid), and then change the subject. You could thank them for their input but let them know that you and your husband have researched and this is how you choose to parent and it is not up for discussion. What have you tried?

Do you have friends who parent the way you do? I have always found it very helpful to surround myself with like-minded people so that I don't feel insecure about it when dealing with relatives.

You are doing the right thing, mama. Just stop defending if it isn't getting you anywhere.

[mambera]

Yeah. My mom is constantly asking whether DD has weaned yet and telling me I need to put her in a crib. I usually say something noncommittal and change the subject. I get along really well with my mom though so it's easy to tune out the parenting advice I don't like without having it be a big deal. I could imagine it would be a lot harder with ILs.

I agree with the pp that the best thing to do is just not get involved. Don't bother defending, it will just stress you out and fail to change their behavior. I like the blank-stare-and-hmmm approach mentioned above, it sounds really effective.

[pbjmama]

I would probably ignore/try to avoid that conversation with something like, this is what we have chosen for our family. If they don't get it after a few times move on to this isn't a topic that we wish to discuss further. After that, it is up to them. If you keep away from the topic they won't have any fuel for the fire.

[ewe+lamb]

I have often said to my in-laws that the research and information has changed so much from when they were parents with babies and young children, this is the way the professionals recommend to do things - quote people like Dr James McKenna, Dr Jack Newman their relationship to the WHO and UNICEF - it normally calms things down. You could also ask your dh to speak to your in-laws saying that you are uncomfortable with the constant undermining of your choices - you have discussed this together and have made a decision - nows their chance to be the grandparents - they don't need to worry about the parenting it's your turn to do that now. There's a reasonably new magazine out called Grandparents - may be worth a go - I think it's connected with Mothering in some way but we're not from the USA so not absolutely sure - but maybe worth looking into. Good luck hope that it all works out for you.

[RileysMom29]

Thanks everyone! Yes, my hubby and I are very happy with our decision. It is working well for us and I feel like I am doing the right thing by my little one. I just get so tired of letting others make me question myself. It would be different if I were putting my child in danger, but I feel like I am doing something very loving for my son and just don't understand why others feel its wrong. I think you are all right, in that I need to just avoid these arguments and do what I feel is right. I am just sensitive I think, because being a Mommy is my favorite job and it kills me to think anyone thinks I'm doing a bad job!

[rlmueller]

Originally Posted by RileysMom29

I think you are all right, in that I need to just avoid these arguments and do what I feel is right.

Don't avoid, I'd advise to NIP in the bud (though the sensitive soul may have trouble with that in which case enlist your husband). If you don't they will continue to pester you about it, "My breastfeeding my boy or our sleeping arrangement is not up for discussion, nor will it ever be. Say it with a most gracious smile on your face as you can muster. Now pass me the salsa, the baby likes it in his milk."

[alegna]

No one messes with me. Be strong and self-assured. You're doing what's best for your child and you know more than they do. Hold your head high.

-Angela

[RubyWild]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I nursed my daughter for several years, and no one ever gave me any trouble about it. I got a few questions about it, but never any trouble from people, probably because I live in an area where nursing is very common (NW) and I live in a town were extended nursing isn't very unusual at all.

A great aunt who is very religious surprised me once by saying that Mary probably nursed Jesus for several years because that was the norm back then. For her, if it's good enough for Jesus, it's all right with her.]

Unfortunately, many Americans, including some physicians, have bought into the idea that one year is normal (some think even less).

You're doing the best thing for your baby. I hope that if you don't get all the support that you need, at least you get people to stay quiet about it.

[Katie T]

Yes, family, nurses I work with at the hospital. I just ignore, sometimes depending on my mood try to educate them. But I never let it get to me. I know I am doing what is right for my children and that is all that matters.