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Name regrets...what to do? - Page 2

post #21 of 57
i agree with everyone who says ask her what she would like to be called, or come up with some nickname - call her whatever you want, but i still probably wouldn't legally change it. i'd let a legal name change be her decision when she's a little bit older.
post #22 of 57
While my name isn't as common as some (Jessica, Jennifer, Sarah) it is a kind of common (Elizabeth) and I never liked it growing up. I invented a nickname. I don't feel I identify with any of the standard Elizabeth nicknames (Beth, Libby, Liz) so my nickname since 5th grade has been Leeb (pronounced with a long "e" sound) and I love it. In formal situations I stick with Elizabeth, but mostly because people have a hard time pronouncing my nickname.

That said, I know an Ellie that is your dd's age and that's her nickname. Her given name is Mary Ellen. I know one Ella but she's 2. It's not a terribly common name around here. Change should be dd's choice, but maybe work together to come up with a fun nickname that she'll be using almost 20 years later
post #23 of 57
I would just give her a nick name that you use all the time but I wouldn't legally change it. If she wants to when she is older that would be fine with me, but as a child and even in middle and high school I didn't like my name. But now that I am a adult I love my name and am so glad I didn't change it.

Of course it is a personal choice but I think 5 is to young to understand the full idea of forever changing her name.
post #24 of 57
What about keeping her name and legally adding another middle name which she could then go by. In school they usually ask the children if they have a preference of what name they like to be called. My daughter has 2 middle names so it's not unheard of. This way when her great grandkids are doing the geneology there isn't any confusion, you won't have to go back and change every document etc.
I think Ella Katherine Violet sounds lovely
post #25 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
I don't think that one has to have a name that isn't shared by anyone else to be special.

I would be a little careful in putting your need for orignality onto your kid, who has by now developed her own connection to her name.

I can understand the impulse, kind of. But...I think that the naming no longer belongs to you. If this was a 5 month old, I'd feel differently. But obviously you guys do like classic-ish names, you didn't name her Sygyzy Blargh or Onionetta or Tryndee. I have run into more Violets her age than Ellas, to be honest. I think it's going to depend on where you live. What's going to happen if you change her name, only to suddenly notice how many other kids are named that?

One of my boys is named Dylan. My god, I cannot tell you how many snotty comments we got about how "common" that name was--yet in our area he has yet to be in class with another Dylan, even at day camp. We have met a few older kids with that name, which HE thinks is cool.

I would just leave this alone, unless your DD expresses (unprompted) dislike for her name.
I have to agree, OP's DD will be no less unique even if every single girl in her class is called Ella.
post #26 of 57
You know what, I struggled with my middle daughter's name. Her dad picked out the name Bethany. I really disliked that name but since she is his child too I agreed. I picked her middle name, with the intent on calling her by it. Well, that never happened. She is Bethany and now at age 6 she loves it. I think your dd is too old to be changing her name without her asking for it.
post #27 of 57
What does your daughter think? At 5, it's hers now. It's part of her identity. I'm not all that fond of dd's name, but she loves it, so I'd never change it on her.

If she doesn't like it, what about calling her by her middle name? Could you call her Kate? I don't know any little Kates these days.
post #28 of 57
My name is Jennifer. It was number 1 by a LOT for ten years on either side of my birth. My middle name is Ann... the top middle name (how unoriginal were my parents? )... You would be shocked how many Jennifer Anns there are out there Anyway, I switched to "Jenna" in college because I had a roommate who was also named Jennifer. I think Jenna fits me better - I really like it. Anyway, all that to say that she'll figure it out Either she'll decide she likes her name or she'll come up with something else. I know a woman who was named Heather at birth but at age 13 she asked everyone to start calling her Sydney... and she eventually chose to legally change her name. Even her mother agrees that it fits her better.
post #29 of 57
post #30 of 57
The "safest" way to go seems to be to change her middle name/add a middle name and call her by it (something she likes).

The only reason my 6yo remembers his middle name is because it is his friend's last name. My 4yo has no idea what her middle name is.
post #31 of 57
I agree with KristyDi "Ella Kate" is really cute and not too long. I would try it on for awhile.

With my dd her name is Anna Blair.

Anna is pretty popular. When she turned two i realized i didnt want her to be Anna O. in school. like I was Kim S. We just call her Anna Blair. When she goes to school we will let teachers know she goes by her 1st and middle name.

My name is Kimberly Nicole.

My parents called me Nicole until in 2nd grade my teacher told me my name was Kimberly Nicole not Nicole Kimberly. I switched to Kim. Uhhh not an easy transition. Some family still call me Nicole.
post #32 of 57
I like Ella Kate too.

FWIW, I have a 5 year old with a popular name and even if I wanted to change it, her name belongs to her. I knew her name would be popular when I gave it to her but that was the name she told us. *shrugs* I couldn't change her name without her permission because at this point, it is her identity.
post #33 of 57
The only person I knew who changed his name was a kid in middle school who changed his whole entire name after his dad, who he'd been named after, walked out on his family. It was a very messed up time for him and changing his name was a HUGE part of him reforming his identity through such a difficult experience.

Don't change your daughter's name because of your preference. That ship sailed about five years ago. From this point on, the only one who should be changing your dd's name is your dd, and it should only be something she does as she approaches adulthood, and hopefully NOT after years of listening to you sigh over how you wished you'd named her or nicknamed her something different.

Also, your daughter's real name is beautiful. Absolutely lovely and it will grow with her as she gets into adulthood.
post #34 of 57
I wouldn't change a child's name at age 5 because of the name's popularity. I have know people who have changed their children's names and I haven't ever seen it go smoothly.
post #35 of 57
Not that it's a comparison, but I changed my dd's name when she was 10 weeks old (I sincerely blame it on PPD induced insanity) and I have regretted it every day since. I would love to go back to her original name, but my ex and I are divorced now (and dd is age two) and I know he'd never agree to it.
post #36 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
Not that it's a comparison, but I changed my dd's name when she was 10 weeks old (I sincerely blame it on PPD induced insanity) and I have regretted it every day since. I would love to go back to her original name, but my ex and I are divorced now (and dd is age two) and I know he'd never agree to it.
Wow! Interesting...why did you change it?

I really appreciate all the responses...I agree that her name is Ella and that has to stay. I am seriously tempted to change the middle name tho...I am considering maybe adding Violet, Fern, or Penelope to the middle and then having it there as a future option. I will discuss it with dd tomorrow...i'm guessing she'll be a bit confused!

what do you think of...
Ella Violet Katherine
Ella Violet Penelope
Ella Fern Katherine
Ella Fern Penelope
Ella Fern Violet
Ella Violet Fern

It is nice to hear her name isn't so popular everywhere. We live in the southeast USA ...maybe its just popular here.
post #37 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by TranscendentalMom View Post
Wow! Interesting...why did you change it?
BTW - I Violet & Fern! Adorable.

Anyway (sorry to derail!) when I was pregnant with her during 2007, I read the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy (The Golden Compass anyone?) and fell in love with the name Lyra. Soooo, when dd was born we named her Lyra (still love that name)...

However, the movie 'The Golden Compass' came out at right around the same time, and the name gained mad popularity in my city (my neighbour/best friend works on L&D - and there were lots of girls named Lyra during that time period!) and I started to panic.

My name is Melissa, and I was ALWAYS Melissa 'Last Initial' growing up, because it was like THE most popular name in the early 80's. I swore I wouldn't name my child anything that would end up common (as an aside - I also wanted to name her Delilah and call her 'Lilah' - but that damn song "Hey there Delilah..." came out at that time too! ) and I had to change it!

Now, looking back, I honestly think it was a bad combo of being under extreme amounts of stress, things in my life were spiraling out of control, and this baby's name was ONE thing that I could change/fix/control. Soooo, with much persuasion from me - my ex (at the time dh) agreed to change her name (he couldn't even pronounce Lyra - kept calling her Kylee - I kid you not)...

Her name is Rue. Like the flower. Which is a little bit hippy, but what can you do?? I blame it on the PPD/hormones/stress. It seems to suit her, but I still have regrets over changing her name. Sometimes. I'm a back and forth kind of person!

Good luck with whatever route you choose to take! I love names, linguistics fascinate me!
post #38 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
ETA: Poddi, that's fascinating. How come? Did you have any input? How did your friends react? This was your first name?
Oh I started school at 7. It was the legal school age in my country then. Apparently it's also popular to give the kids a "serious" name by 7. Some kids only had nicknames until then. I knew many kids who changed their names before school. I had a name that meant "crystal clear". My dad decided to change it to a more traditional "moon goddess" as I was born at full moon. It was done and all the kids I knew managed to remember it, nobody mocked me. However my mom complained about it everyday, saying it was too traditional and suited only old grannies. Eventually they changed it to something else, but combined with my surname it sounded like "winning money", which isn't bad, but not exactly cute for a girl. Then they changed it to a name that means "intelligent" which was very very popular then. So I went from a very unique name to a very common name within two weeks. I myself didn't care much, but really it would have been just fine if my parents didn't fiddle with it at all. And I could say the same thing to a few other kids in my preschool whose names were changed. One of the girls was named "spin around" which was very cool, they changed it to something that didn't make any sense and nobody could pronounce it right.

I don't really like my name, but I figured they meant well. "Intelligent" suits me well. I haven't been to any class without another girl with the same name. Though my surname is very rare so it's not too bad.
post #39 of 57
I like Ella Kate.

Just so it's out there, when I hear Ella Fern my brain turns it into elephant. Sorry.

There is a woman in our church named Ellarie. You could use that as a nickname, and it would easy to go back and forth between that and Ella.

I really wouldn't mind if my dd's name were more popular. She is named Lila after my favorite great grandmother. I thought we were naming her something easy to pronounce and spell. People call her Leila, Lily, Liza . . . She always looks for her name on the keychain racks, and we have yet to find anything preprinted with her name. (Not that it's any huge deal. My older brother has a very unusual name, and he turned out okay! )
post #40 of 57
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
BTW - I Violet & Fern! Adorable.

Anyway (sorry to derail!) when I was pregnant with her during 2007, I read the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy (The Golden Compass anyone?) and fell in love with the name Lyra. Soooo, when dd was born we named her Lyra (still love that name)...

However, the movie 'The Golden Compass' came out at right around the same time, and the name gained mad popularity in my city (my neighbour/best friend works on L&D - and there were lots of girls named Lyra during that time period!) and I started to panic.


Now, looking back, I honestly think it was a bad combo of being under extreme amounts of stress, things in my life were spiraling out of control, and this baby's name was ONE thing that I could change/fix/control. Soooo, with much persuasion from me - my ex (at the time dh) agreed to change her name (he couldn't even pronounce Lyra - kept calling her Kylee - I kid you not)...

Her name is Rue. Like the flower. Which is a little bit hippy, but what can you do?? I blame it on the PPD/hormones/stress. It seems to suit her, but I still have regrets over changing her name. Sometimes. I'm a back and forth kind of person!

Good luck with whatever route you choose to take! I love names, linguistics fascinate me!
Both those names are beautiful but I prefer Rue...gorgeous! Love it!
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