Mid-40s and pregnant!

[Caryliz]

I've just learned that I'm pregnant with #2, and feeling equally surprised (yes, we were trying, but I wasn't really sure it would come to pass), delighted, and slightly terrified about the road ahead. I'm pleased that, having done this once before, I have some idea of what to expect. That said, I'm also in a completely different place in my life - literally and figuratively, since after 20+ years in NYC we just moved to a tiny town in rural upstate NY. I'm also wondering how my age will affect this experience - if at all (I will be 44 when the babe arrives). So far I'm feeling great, physically, but the two (very close) friends I shared my news with each reacted with stunned disbelief, which kind of surprised me! And then there are moments when I pause and realize that I will be 62 when this child graduates from HS - and DH will be 73 - and, well, this gives me pause.

Any other mamas out there in a similar place? What's been your experience?!

[HaikuMommy]

I will be 40 when this baby is born... and it does freak me out that I will be 58 or 59 when she graduates from high school. (Especially because my mom recently died at age 61, then her only brother died after at 63.) I wonder, shouldn't I be focusing on retirement and my own health at this point?

DH wants to have another one, too. If we do -- BIG if -- I will likely be 42 or older when that babe comes around. People do seem shocked that I would even consider it. I am shocked myself! As tired as I am right now with an almost 2 year old, and in the third trimester, I can't imagine WHY I would want to do this again... and then raise 3 babies in my forties? I just can't seem to say an outright NO though!

Wish I had more support and experience to offer, but I'm just trying to figure this stuff out myself. Anyway, congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Pinoikoi]

I am 34, but dh is 45.. he grew up without a dad (his dad was a bit older than his mom as well, and then dh was the last of six kids.. there was also a large age span in kids- one of his neices is the same age he is).. I know how growing up without a dad has affected him, his role models were his older brothers.. I think about it all the time. Not only is my dh older than me, and men have shorter life spans on average anyway, but he didn't take very good care of his health for a long time and it isn't something you can just play catch up with later, kwim?

People talk about the health risks with older moms quite a bit but last year I was reading some articles about links with older dads.. I guess all we can ever do is hope for the best.

The upside to an older parent is that he is very patient with the kids, and incredibly willing to go above and beyond to "do his part".. I think when he was younger that wasn't always the case (he has an adult child from a previous relationship). I think our children are very blessed. I see him running over hills with them trying to get their kites in the sky and sitting on the teeter totter with them.. my father didn't do that stuff with me that I can remember.. he is a great dad.

[lillymonster]

I will be 40 when #2 is born. My grandmother was 42 when she had my mom in 1936, so I feel I have good genes

I come from a big family, so yes I think about ages quite a bit. My mom right now is 75, so sadly, I doubt she will be around for very long, most of her sisters died in their 80s. My sisters, who are 13 years older than me, will be my mom's age when my child graduate college. My only hope is that the nieces and nephews - who start at age 12 and go up to 21, will be close to my daughter, but I don't know.

I lost my dad when he was 59, I was in college, but I am grateful of those few years I had with him, I feel like I got more "dad" than most people get in a lifetime, and I think he taught me that it's not about age, it's about time and what you do with it.

I know someone else who just adopted at the age of 43. And really I think 63 now is a lot different than 63 10 or 15 years ago. And it's how you act. My mother is 75 and no one believes that, it's not because of how she looks, but because she is always doing something, and still working. I look at my MIL who is 65, 10 years younger, and she has gray hair, walks hunched over (not due to a health issue at all) doesn't drive anywhere but the grocery store and never worked and I think she acts and looks older than my mom.

[VillageMom6]

The first thing you gotta do is stop playing the numbers game! No more, "I'll be x years old when this child does y." You'll be that age anyway, whether you have a graduating teen in your life or not.

I know it can be sobering to realize that a "late in life" child will have less time with us than if he/she had been born when we were very young. But since the alternative is never to have been born at all, the endeavor to bring these children into the world is so worth it. Their lives are just as valuable and precious as any others'.

CONGRATULATIONS!! I hope that your pregnancy goes smoothly. I just turned 40 and don't feel any different than I did at 23.

[2goingon2]

Hello all. I'm 42 and due in December with #5. This babe was a complete surprise but one we are welcoming and getting excited about.

I know what you mean about the numbers game...I too have thought about how old I'll be when "this happens" or "that happens". Very sobering indeed. But...is it really all that bad to be an older parent? I have an almost 3 year old, a 16 month old, an 11 year old and a 17 year old!

Congratulations to everyone!

[Buzzer Beater]

Congratulations Caryliz!!!
I am 45 and have a 4 week old babe (I didn't get pg naturally as you did tho). I hope that when your babe arrives you feel as young and giddy and in love as I do right now. I have grey hair and some wrinkles, a 19 year old DD, and not a care in the world. When you look into your LO's eyes I believe you will be rejuvenated. I have never been so happy in my life.

I have gotten some unusual reactions to my late pg- mostly from my own family. But they have come around, especially since my girl is here and lovely. If you have naysayers just wait, they won't be. Take care of yourself and enjoy your pregnancy.
When are you due? How old is your first?

[queenofjuly]

Just wanted to pop in with my thoughts...

My mom had me when she was 42 (My dad was almost 45). Three years later, they adopted my younger sister as an infant. This was in 1976, when older mothers I don't think were quite as common as they are now. Well, both of my parents are still around and going strong. My mom, at age 76 is healthier than many I know who are much younger. In fact, she takes care of my older brother who is 52, is very active in volunteer work, and loves to exercise. My mother went back to college, graduated at age 50, and began a new career. I am very proud of her, and I believe you truly are as young as you feel (cliche but true).

Yes, my parents were a bit older than my peers' parents, but it never bothered me and was not a disadvantage in any sense. You never know what will happen. There are no guarantees in life. I will be raising little kids in my 40s (hopefully), as I am almost 34 now and pregnant with my first.

[juliebird]

Congratulations! What a wonderful blessing for you! I'm 40 and pregnant with my fourth (I'll be 41 at delivery) and I've been thinking about these issues as well.

Here's where I net out:
Every time I've gotten pregnant, there was always something that made it seem like a bad idea (first one I was in grad school and just married, second one I had a 9 month old already, for my third child, I was 37 and had a 12 year old and a 10 year old from a previous marriage) but I have to say, each and every time that beautiful baby transformed my life for the better.

This is not to say that it doesn't give me pause or that I don't worry about being an older mother just that this is what I try to think about when I get too anxious.

Another thing is the many women I know who are struggling with infertility. For example, I have a dear friend who is 42 and is unable (for now) to get pregnant and is pursuing a variety of fertility treatments. It's a huge deal for her and I know that she'd be thrilled with having another at age 42. I know another friend who is only about 32 but has been unable to get pregnant for 7 years or so. It's heartbreaking.

So, embrace your pregnancy as the true gift it is. Understand that this is your special child and you will be it's special mother and your age will make so little difference in the big picture.

Congrats again!!!!!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Just wanted to chime in and speak on my mother and MILs behalfts. My sister and SIL are now 16 and 17 respectfully. My mother is 57, my father is 61 and retiring in a few months. My MIL and FIL are both 56.

We all generally feel like this on a daily basis.....



Its been an experience none of us would change for the WORLD. You are going to do AWSOME! Don't sweat it.

[Carolinamom4]

Congrats. My DH will be 44 about a month after baby arrives. He was turning 42 when DD arrived. I will turn 38 same month as baby's arrival. I avoid thinking of our ages at future dates - sobering, but my parents are healthy and grandparents too. Dh's dad is healthy and grandparents have been too, his mom is too heavy and has issues galore, but that's not likely to happen to him. But you never know other than you will be a wonderful mommy to your new one and are very blessed. Congrats again.

[aikigypsy]

I will also be 40 when this baby is born. I recently looked at a pregnancy calendar which cheerily went on to talk about what year this baby was likely to graduate from high school, college, etc. Yikes! I'm going to be OLD!!

For what it's worth, though, my DH is 12 years younger than me and his parents at least that much younger than my parents. His parents, in their early-mid 50s, are in much worse health than mine are, in the later half of their 60s. I feel like I'm pretty healthy now, and I think it's reasonable to hope that I'll still be able to do things and not just sit around moaning about being old at age 60. I've never had a regular job, but if I did I don't think I'd retire until at least age 70.

So, when I look at it in terms of life cycle, it's not so bad I guess.

[karen1968]

Congrats to all the over 40s out there :-) I'm 41 now and will be 42 at delivery, unless this baby is early.

We got preg naturally, were trying (after a loss in Oct), and I have the same fears and concerns as the OP. It IS kind if sobering to think how tired I'll be (based on how tired I feel now!), wondering how I'll handle active pre-teens when I'm 50...but mostly I just feel blessed to have found a man I want to be my children's father (we met and married at 36), and been able to get pregnant without too much fuss.

Wanted to say more, but the toddler is calling...