What are the *right* reasons?

[GinnyMama]

For cosmetic surgery? (might be TMI for some coming up)


*mods, please move this if there's a better place for it... I just couldn't find one, and it involves self-esteem and such*


I always hear about having the "right" reasons for getting cosmetic surgery. As of now, I fully plan on getting a breast reduction and lift when my little ones wean. I hate my breasts. Hate them. They are so awful, and the only good thing about them is that they nourish my children. (I AM grateful for that)

They grew in saggy. Totally no fair. Seriously, at 12 years old I had old lady boobs. The way my breasts look impact nearly everything in my life. I have the urge to leave my shirt on (or at the very least, my bra) during sex. Which is ABSURD considering how sexually open I am. When my shirt is not on during sex, I cannot stop thinking about how awful they look. I can't find a bathing suit that fits, I can't find any shirts that fit. I have to buy custom bras, which SUCKS and they're UGLY. And expensive. I'm in a 36G right now. Nobody sells that! Bra manufacturers think that if you smaller around, you must have small breasts. If you're bigger around, you're allowed to have big OR small breasts. But no... you absolutely cannot have big breasts if you're smaller around. Boo! Plus there's the fact that my ugly, horrid, huge breasts keep me from nursing in public. I have no problem with NIP. I would do it, if there weren't ACRES of skin and YARDS of areola showing when I did it. It's mortifying.

Sheesh, this sounds almost comical as I'm reading through it. And it kinda is. But I'm confused as to what the "right" reasons might be for getting cosmetic surgery. I'm absolutely planning on getting it because I think they will look better. Duh! I think having more "acceptable" breasts will help my life in numerous ways. My back won't hurt, my clothes will fit. I'll be able to buy lingerie in normal stores. I'll hopefully not feel as self-concious during sex.

Anyway. I was just wondering if any of you had experience in this, or any insight as to what the "right" reasons might be.

[eclipse]

I don't know what the "right" reasons are, but I'm right there with you. I'm not even nursing any more, I've lost 70 lbs, and I'm STILL something like a 38H (in a bra line that includes double Fs and double G's). I don't have so many issues with being self conscious during sex or NIP, but I really don't like how they look, I hate the expensive bras, the constantly sore shoulders, limitations in what kind of excercise I can do, etc. I don't know if I will ever get a lift/reduction, but I know I think about it frequently. I do know that insurance considers it "medically necessary" if you have documented back pain that doesn't go away with other reasonable treatment (like PT, chiro, easily managed with pain meds, etc).

[GinnyMama]

Thank you for your response! It's good to know I'm not alone. I, too, have lost weight. I've lost around 45 pounds, and I weigh less than I did when I got married. I was a 34C when I got married... yet now... at 15lbs LIGHTER, I am a 36G? WTH?!

And you brought up another good point. The exercise thing. I'm really bothered by this, especially today. Here I am, just trying to play with my 2 year old, jump around, do "Wiggles" dances, run in circles... and I have to hold my stupid breasts the whole time. I must look like an idiot through the windows. Jumping forward and back, playing around, hanging on to my boobs. Grr.

I'm really, really hoping I can get insurance to pay for it. *crosses fingers* I should probably start bringing up the pain in my shoulders and back to my GCP when I go to the doc.

[Bea]

I always hear about having the "right" reasons for getting cosmetic surgery

The right reasons= changing something that's having a direct impact on your self image/health

The wrong reasons= Thinking that having different breasts/nose/chin will solve all your problems.

You're firmly in the latter. Good luck.

Edited late: Sorry I meant FORMER not latter. That's what I get for posting at 1 am after a 16 hour shift when I should have been in bed. My heartfelt apologies.

[GinnyMama]

Really? I think it will solve ALL my problems? Whoa. I don't think so. But thanks for your input! It helps.

That makes sense. Believing that I can change something that has a direct impact on my self image AND health completely discribes how I feel about it. I won't hurt anymore (hopefully!) and change something that's having a direct impact on my self image.

That's actually a very good way to put it! Exactly what I was looking for. I've been led to believe that wanting cosmetic surgery because you think you will *look different* is wrong. Why else would you want it? Silly.

[bluefaery]

Surely they meant "the former". I think it's the former, especially since it's causing you physical pain (therefore, a health issue).

[lach]

Originally Posted by Bea

The right reasons= changing something that's having a direct impact on your self image/health

The wrong reasons= Thinking that having different breasts/nose/chin will solve all your problems.

You're firmly in the latter. Good luck.

Wow. I think that was very rude. Particularly since I thought your definitions were very wise, but your conclusion was the opposite of what I was thinking. It's obviously really affecting her.

[Smokering]

I'm assuming the PP made a typo and meant "former"...?

I'm generally not a fan of cosmetic surgery (obviously allowing for cases of injury, deformity etc): but it doesn't sound like you're doing this to woo the office hottie or to get the body of your favourite celebrity. From what I've read, big breasts can cause pain and backache, which are legitimate medical reasons for a reduction even without the psychological issues.

I would recommend talking to a counselor or something about the psychological issues just to make sure it's really the breasts that are the issue. I know it seems obvious that they are, but you might just want to probe extra deep to see if there's anything in your relationship, sexual past etc which is causing you to hate your breasts more than they deserve - you know?

Obviously, if you plan on having any more kiddos (or even think there's a slight chance) you might want to look into the kinds of reduction that make breastfeeding possible in the future. I think in some procedures they're careful to leave the milk ducts intact and so on? Anyway, that's a side issue.

I think there's a definite difference between vanity and suffering, you know? I'm quite happy with my breasts, but I'm pretty darn self-conscious about my legs, which are short and somewhat misshapen due to malnutrition as a kiddo (armchair self-diagnosis!). I'd like them to look "normal" and attractive - it impacts what I wear, I feel self-conscious when I go swimming and so on. Sadly I don't think there's a surgical option for me, but if there was and I had the money I might consider doing it.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by Smokering

I'm assuming the PP made a typo and meant "former"...?

.

Personally, I always have to stop and think about the words "former" and "latter." I think it's easy to confuse the two.

[Galatea]

Sounds like all the right reasons to me! If you were like, "I really need a new man and am so bored with my life and blah blah blah..." then I'd worry. I saw a show on unnecessary plastic surgery, and the people were totally imagining flaws on a perfect body/face, and even the doctors knew that no matter how the surgery turned out, the patient would be unhappy. That doesn't sound like you!!!

I have considered a breast lift when I am done, too, but mine are only D-DD when not pg, so I don't know if the pain/expense/scars would be justified.

[lach]

I wanted to add... have you talked to your doctor about this? A friend in college had a breast reduction surgery for medical reasons because she was a very, very petite girl with very large breasts and they caused her no end of back issues. The surgery was for health reasons, and so it was covered by her insurance.

[bluebirdiemama]

Originally Posted by bluefaery

Surely they meant "the former". I think it's the former, especially since it's causing you physical pain (therefore, a health issue).

I think she meant that too. It's pretty obvious that this surgery would improve your quality of life in many ways. Go for it mama!

[mmhinton]

GinnyMama - I hear you! I too HATE my breasts (Other than the fact the they provided milk to make two super chubby/healthy babies ). Otherwise, HATE them! DS2 recently (w/n the last month) weaned...now I am just...waiting. Waiting for milk to be completely gone then to see how much they will (hopefully) shrink, though I doubt they will I didn't really have an issue with NIP, but mostly b/c I would never have been able to go anywhere if I hadn't N'dIP I do however find myself thinking about my breasts more during sex than I'd like (and not in a good way).

I am fairly sure I never had the correct bra size til I was fitted for a nursing bra. So, what I thought was a 36DDD pre-pregnancy, was more likely a 32 G/H... I am currently a 32 Hish. I have always been pretty athletic and actually enjoy exercising (yes, I know that is ridiculous) BUT it sucks, b/c I have to wear TWO high impact sports bras that still leave me "bouncy". I have mild scoliosis (mid back/between shoulder blades and a bit lower) and neck pain from whiplash (3 times + sports stuff)... I've often wondered how much less my back / neck might hurt without my breasts being quite so heavy?!?

Then, of course, there are shirts... If I wear a shirt that is not fitted / tucked in / etc at the waist area, I look like I am pregnant only because my breasts "stick out" enough that such a shirt just "hangs" from there down (on women with "normal" breasts such a shirt looks nice and sometimes even dressy, but NOT like she's pregnant!... you kwim?)

Anyway, I do think about surgery (assuming they don't ... go away since weaning.. so many women talk about that - how their boobs just "disappeared" after bfing... I could only hope!). But, the thought of surgery really scares me..
Quote: The right reasons= changing something that's having a direct impact on your self image/health
Though, I must say that if ever there were a "right" reason, this must be at least close?!

[choli]

I have two friends that had breast reductions - both were covered by insurance. Both friends say that it so worth it to get rid of the constant back pain. You should definitely go for it.

[kittywitty]

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. If you were doing it for your dp or something, I'd say that's probably a bad reason. But you're doing it for yourself and so I say go for it.

[choli]

It's interesting that people still feel that they must have a "right" reason to get cosmetic surgery. I've never heard anyone speak the same way about cosmetic dentistry like braces, it's seen as a given that it's right to correct crooked teeth.

[lach]

Originally Posted by choli

It's interesting that people still feel that they must have a "right" reason to get cosmetic surgery. I've never heard anyone speak the same way about cosmetic dentistry like braces, it's seen as a given that it's right to correct crooked teeth.

Crooked teeth can be a health issue. If your jaw is misaligned you only chew on some of your teeth and they wear down quickly. Teeth that are too close together can more easily get food stuck in them and will lead to a higher chance of cavities (yes, even if you brush regularly).

Veneers might be a better comparison, as they are purely cosmetic. And I've definitely heard people make fun of minor celebrities whose teeth are unnaturally and blindingly white. Your teeth shouldn't be brighter than your eyeballs.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by lach

Crooked teeth can be a health issue. If your jaw is misaligned you only chew on some of your teeth and they wear down quickly. Teeth that are too close together can more easily get food stuck in them and will lead to a higher chance of cavities (yes, even if you brush regularly).

While this is something orthodontists trot out with some frequency to frighten parents into ponying up for braces, I'm not buying it in general. This has got to be something that applies in very extreme circumstances, not to most people with normally crooked teeth. In the US we slap braces on the teeth of children at a much higher rate than even other developed countries. How often do you hear about Europeans keeling over at a young age from crooked teeth?

OP--while I personally wouldn't get cosmetic surgery in most instances, I think that what you are talking about goes beyond the cosmetic. You're talking about having back pain and back issues as a result, and that will only get worse with time. To me, that's a medical issue.

[Tigerchild]

How old is your little one?

I seriously considered getting reduction surgery when my youngest round of kids was little. I'd been a 34C until my first pregnancy, ballooned up to 40G at the largest (after twins and a huge weight gain). Now I'm still fat, but my non-milk producing breasts shrank after weaning to an easier to manage 38D. (actually I think I'm starting to shrink in the band size since starting to lose weight, the cup size hasn't changed in 4 years so I think that's the new steady.)

If you have other concerns though, like cosmetic improvements (I know it's not supposed to but my areola shrunk too--bigger than pre-kids but definitely not the huge target it was while I was still producing!), I'd say go for it. And I would start saving for it (if insurance doesn't cover it!). THat way, if you DO shrink and decide not to get it, you can do something fun with the $$!

[mandib50]

i know that this is a loaded topic, but it sounds like cosmetic surgery would be a healthy decision for you