I'm so frustrated/mad

[Honey693]

20 m/o DD has been having a really hard time going to sleep at night. Our routine is diaper change, music on, quietly play in her room and read for a bit, tuck in her doll and then she can either rock or lay down with me. This would be great if it worked. Once the light goes out though she's bouncing off the walls, racing between the rocker and the bed, rolling around, kicking me, etc. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and completely at the end of my rope by bedtime so this is bad. Most nights I end up having to leave the room at least twice to cool down before I lose it. I hate leaving her to scream, but when the alternative is yelling at her and possibly smacking her so I don't know what to do. DH steps in occasionally, but his work and sleep schedule are so erratic I can't plan on him doing bedtime. I have no idea what to do and this is just not working for us, but I'm out of ideas.

[Honey693]

No one??

[D_McG]

are you sure she's tired enough? DS went through something similar. A combo of moving the bedtime a little later and being v. strict about his behavior fixed it. ie - if you want me to stay here you must try to sleep. If you bounce off the walls, see you later. I kept very calm and would come back in when he settled down (not long).

[lisavark]

Is she napping? If so, what time is she up from her nap? Is she getting exercise outdoors every day (preferably both before and after nap)?

I feel ya, mama. I get so frustrated with the whole "bedtime routine" thing, because it doesn't work for my daughter. I do everything "right," but she falls asleep when she's tired and not an instant before. Frequently that's not until 11 pm. Sigh.

She sounds overtired though. Maybe an earlier bedtime would help? Do your bedtime routine activities work to calm her down? If so, what's the trigger that gets her up and bouncing again--is it turning off the light? Maybe you could use a dim light (like a bedside lamp) and wait to turn it off till she's closer to sleeping?

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by D_McG

are you sure she's tired enough? DS went through something similar. A combo of moving the bedtime a little later and being v. strict about his behavior fixed it. ie - if you want me to stay here you must try to sleep. If you bounce off the walls, see you later. I kept very calm and would come back in when he settled down (not long).

She's exhausted come bedtime. I tried telling her i was leaving if she didn't calm down, but that ends in hysterical screaming fits, even if I only go to the bathroom and she just doesn't calm down until I come back in. then she's off the walls again.

Originally Posted by lisavark

Is she napping? If so, what time is she up from her nap? Is she getting exercise outdoors every day (preferably both before and after nap)?


She sounds overtired though. Maybe an earlier bedtime would help? Do your bedtime routine activities work to calm her down? If so, what's the trigger that gets her up and bouncing again--is it turning off the light? Maybe you could use a dim light (like a bedside lamp) and wait to turn it off till she's closer to sleeping?

She naps every day for 1.5-2 hours, depending if I lay down with her. Most days she gets plenty of exercise and outdoor time. We could probably kick that up a notch in the afternoon though.

She's ok until we've been laying down for about 5 minutes. The bedtime routine doesn't seem to calm her down, but it doesn't seem to wind her up either. I like the idea of a dim lamp, I think she might start to freak out when she realises it's dark.

[sleepybear1]

This sounds so familiar!! I have come to the determination that my almost 3 year old is really sad to say goodbye to a great day & that is what sleep is for her. I have a theory that she may also not like the feeling of transitioning - I think she feels a lack of control & really feels like she is "falling" asleep some nights & doesn't like the fall. I also think she will give "sleep" a predetermined time in her head, if it doesn't happen by her self created time - she is off and running & will say "I'm ready to get up now." Hang in there. We have easy times & challenging times. Every 6 months or so we change bedtime routine a little. On rough nights, I get out of bed, I put a chair by the bed, get up when kicked & hold her hand. I don't talk except to say that I love her & that I am here. I have pushed bedtime earlier so that I can take the time to go though all the pieces. During the day I tell her how I feel (about the rock-n-roll act if the previous night has been tough) & say that I want to find a way for her to sleep, that I would keep myself safe & that I always love her.

Good luck - you are not alone & I hope I read some more great brainstorms.

[lifeguard]

We are going through the exact. same. thing. right now. It's awful & I dread bedtime every night - I find myself having to try to get my mind set about it hours ahead so I can maintain my cool through it all. I bought myself a booklight & that has helped a lot. I read while he does his rock & roll act. Sometimes I think the light disturbs him a little but then I figure it's got to disturb him less than me loosing it.

I do bedtime 95% of the time but my deal with dh is that if we reach the hour mark & he's still not asleep he comes in & takes over, that is when he's home.

[Luke's mama]

have you read elizabeth pantley's no cry sleep solution for toddlers? she has some good ideas about gradually moving away from the bed (to a chair in hallway, etc). to get kids to unwind without you lying there. I went through some phases with DS where he seemed to me more floppy and active with me lying there, so I would either lie or sit on the edge of the bed and not look at him or let him touch me (after lying with him for 10 or 15 mins), and repeatedly telling him to lie down if he popped up, being quite stern about it, and occasionally picking him up and laying him down if necessary. The good news is that these phases always passed, but I think a certain combo of ignoring the behavior and also setting some limits (such as you can roll on the bed, but you can't get up or get off the bed) really helps. Good luck!

[sarahtdubb]

Are you dead set on her falling asleep in her bed? I know that's what's "supposed" to happen, but if it's not working for you and you're angry, maybe you can try a change. My son-- almost 3--almost never falls asleep in his bed. He cannot stop moving and does everything in his power to stay awake. So most nights we do books, mama milk, and a short story in bed with back-rubbing, then I take him for a walk in the stroller. He's usually asleep within 10 minutes in the stroller. Some nights I do get him to calm down in bed, but when he doesn't I find I just have to get up and start walking or I will lay there and get more and more frustrated. Plus I need to get to bed, too.

Sometimes I beat myself up for not making it work for him to fall asleep in his bed on his own. but you know what, I just have to get through each day and night, and find something that will work each day to keep us all sane.

Also, I have a 4 month old daughter and watching her sleep patterns is remarkable. She is an amazing sleeper and seems to really love sleep. All kids are just so different. My son has never been that way and I'm trying to adjust my thinking so that rather than being angry at him for not going to sleep it's just one of those things he still needs my help and guidance with.

And honestly, most nights I end up glad I'm out for a walk and I enjoy myself.

[Honey693]

[QUOTE=sarahtdubb;15569470]Are you dead set on her falling asleep in her bed? I know that's what's "supposed" to happen, but if it's not working for you and you're angry, maybe you can try a change.

I don't care where she falls asleep so long as it's not my bed (I'm pregnant and need space for the first part of the night). I love it when she falls asleep in the car. We've tried the floor, stroller and chair, but none of those worked. It seems like the only place she can fall asleep is the car or a bed.

[bluebirdiemama]

Mama, I am so sorry. That is the height of frustrating.
Know that it is just a phase. It always helps me to deal when I know it won't last forever. In a few months she will likely be over it.

IDK if you mentioned what time you are trying to put her down, I may have missed it.
I would try an early dinner, around 5, followed by lots of play outside. You could even put a few inchs in a kiddie pool, that always wears mine out. Then bath time around 6:45 or 7. A few stories, cup of warm milk, or if you are still nursing, a lovely night night boob. Then, lights out.

You could try lavender lotion after her bath, or another calming scent. You could give her a few sips of some warm chamomile tea.

... With my experience with what you are talking about (dh on a crazy schedule, and all), it was a struggle with the above mentioned schedule change, and dh making the commitment to put our baby down a couple or few nights a week. It seemed like my ds would go down much easier for my dh than for me.

Oh, you could also make her a pillow with freshly dried lavender in it.


I wish you all the best

[bluebirdiemama]

Just want to add, IDK if any other pp have mentioned this, but maybe she needs her nap shortened?
At 17 months my dd went a week where she decided to wake up in the middle of the night and scream her head off. She was fine in our arms, but then would want to get down and play...! (and we're like "umm... hello? it's 2 AM!!!)

but after the second time it happened I deprived her of sleep during the day and it stoped.
idk if this sounds like too much nap or not, just thought I'd throw the suggestion out there.

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

Just want to add, IDK if any other pp have mentioned this, but maybe she needs her nap shortened?
At 17 months my dd went a week where she decided to wake up in the middle of the night and scream her head off. She was fine in our arms, but then would want to get down and play...! (and we're like "umm... hello? it's 2 AM!!!)

but after the second time it happened I deprived her of sleep during the day and it stoped.
idk if this sounds like too much nap or not, just thought I'd throw the suggestion out there.

I really like the quote in your signature!

Also, when DP puts DD to sleep, she sleeps so.much.better. WOW!

I finally just told him, I don't care how hard you worked, if I don't get some sleep I'm going to lose my sanity. Now put your daughter to sleep!

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

Just want to add, IDK if any other pp have mentioned this, but maybe she needs her nap shortened?
At 17 months my dd went a week where she decided to wake up in the middle of the night and scream her head off. She was fine in our arms, but then would want to get down and play...! (and we're like "umm... hello? it's 2 AM!!!)

but after the second time it happened I deprived her of sleep during the day and it stoped.
idk if this sounds like too much nap or not, just thought I'd throw the suggestion out there.

I really like the quote in your signature!

Also, when DP puts DD to sleep, she sleeps so.much.better. WOW!

I finally just told him, I don't care how hard you worked, if I don't get some sleep I'm going to lose my sanity. Now put your daughter to sleep! Now I actually get to sleep