Should I put my 20mo in daycare?

[silybum]

I considering putting DD in daycare 4 hours per week while I am in class this summer. I'm just not sure if that is the right choice. We have been very lucky in the child care arena in that so far my DD has only been with me, DH and my wonderful mom and dad so far. My school has a nice on-campus daycare coop with at max a 4:1 kid: provider ratio.

Recently I've noticed that DD is easily overwhelmed and even scared around other kids. I am wondering if it would actually be good for her to be around kids more often as she approaches 2. I do have a weekly playgroup--that's where I've mostly noticed the changes in her. Also, it would be a nice break for my mom who has DD about 10-15 hours per week.

My guess is that she'd be pretty upset when first being left, but my dear mother is willing to hang around for the first 2 weeks to help ease the transition. One snag is that I have to commit to the entire 8 weeks before we get started so I cant really gauge it as we go. I do like that I would end up being away from her at least an hour less per week.

My number one priority, of course, is making the best choice for DD since I have the options. I am hoping for some food for thought...what do you think?

[marispel]

My DS goes to daycare full time. He has been going since he was 14 months and he is now 22 months. I can tell that even after going for 8 months, he still cries when I leave. The teacher insures me that it is only for 30 seconds until he gets interested in a toy or something and then he is fine for the rest of the day.

4:1 ratio is FANTASTIC!! In GA it is 7:1 so his room is quite busy, but the teachers are awesome! My DS does really well and is learning soooo much! They bring in music teachers, they have creative art, reading time, puzzles, outside play time. He is just soooo busy and I'm happy that he is getting EXPOSED to new things.

If you are not ready to commit to the 8 wks, maybe check out your local daycare for a "mother's day out" program and see if you can try that for a couple weeks.

[Abraisme]

That sounds like a very small, reasonable amount of time to me. I'm really anti-daycare, but when it's in very small chunks I really don't see any harm. I would have left my DS in that situation at that age if I needed to take a class.

[daniturtle]

I can tell you about what we have done and maybe that will help you to make your decision. My daughter is the same age as yours- 20 months- and we started day care two days a week at about 17 months. I'm not going to lie- it was rough at first- a couple of weeks after we started I read that separation anxiety peaks at 18 months! oh boy. But now it is MUCH better and yesterday she went and sat down all by herself and I had to go over to say goodbye to her! No tears, no sad face, even! Now, my daughter is in day care for a lot longer than your daughter would be- four hours a week is not very long!!! Less like day care and more like fun play group without mama or grandma!

Our daycare has very caring "teachers" and they do lots of stuff like we would do at home- free play, sensory table stuff, playing on the playground, storytime, singing...and so I feel like it's almost as good as being at home. She loves her "teachers"- and one in particular. The ratio at our daycare is similar to what you are looking at for your daughter- I think that's a good ratio.

And my daughter has friends- a whole little circle of friends who take care of each other- there's one kid that she takes care of - giving kisses and patting etc.- and another little kid takes care of her similarly, I think it's super cute. I'm a bit agnostic about the whole socialization aspect of day care and whether it's "good for children" to be in day care. I'm not really sure that it matters one way or another....but I've not done a lot of research into it. But I don't think it's harmful-- as long as you like the daycare/they have similar values to yours/you think it's a safe place. If you are comfortable with the day care and it would give you and your mom a good break, I would say it's worth it.

Here is what we did to ease the transition/address separation anxiety (all these suggestions come from either books - The Emotional Life of the Toddler, primarily - or from our Early Childhood Family Education teachers) in case it's rough:

*Talking calmly about day care and what she might do at day care BEFORE you drop her off. Including that you (or whoever) will see her again at the end of the day care time and what you might do AFTER day care.

*Giving her/the day care providers a photo of yourselves (and maybe grandparents too since they take care of her often) for her to look at if she gets upset during the time she's there

*Ask the day care for some photos of the kids doing their stuff or take photos yourself if they'll let you. Then you can make a photo album and let your daughter look at the photos before day care or other times. (To be honest our photos never made it into an album but Thalia frequently goes and gets the photos and studies them carefully and points to her friends and her teachers, generally plays with the photos)

*When you - or your mom - decide it's time to go, say good-bye and GO. Drawing out the actual good-bye time doesn't help. I don't mean that your mom shouldn't stick around for a little while- I just mean that when she decides to leave that the actual exchange btw. grandma and child shouldn't be protracted and stuff like "I won't leave until you are not upset" doesn't generally help. Hopefully the day care providers are sensitive enough to give her a little extra attention if she is upset. Our day care carries the kids around or hold her in their laps, etc.

*A kid's book called "Bye Bye Time" by Elizabeth Verdick. It's all about a little girl who gets dropped off at day care and has a hard time, what she does to feel better, etc.

Good luck!

[Katie T]

My oldest had to be in daycare full time and she would always cry when I left but If I called right after pulling out of the driveway she was no longer crying, When I went to pick her up she didn't want to stop playing and come home with me.

I don't think daycare is bad in the least, as long as you trust them hopefully she adjusts ok and it will be a fun experience in the end.