if one of you was hesitant about adding a 2nd child...?

[SweetPotato]

How did you come to a decision? How did each of you feel about that decision, in both the short-term and in the long-term? How has it all worked out? Thanks for sharing!

[dahlialia]

After DD1 was born, DH was consistently on the fence about having #2. I was in the "no freaking way" camp

When DD1 was about 5 1/2, she had been in full-day preschool for 1 year (and 1/2 day preschool for a year before that). I'd had a great year, career wise; very satisfying and I felt like it got me a long way. I also got a lot accomplished in the studio (I'm a very part time textile artist). As satisfying as it was, I became very aware that I had MANY years left to spend in the working world, and not so many years to invest in growing our family, if we wanted it larger.

In short, I felt like I could handle those rough (for me) early years with a baby all over again, to get to see DD1 be a sibling, and to get to see and help another LO develop into a great person. I told DH, and it took him about 24 hours to get on board.

DD2 is 10 months old now, and we have NO regrets. She and DD1 are over the moon about each other, and our family feels far better than it ever did.

Now, however, we ARE done.

[barefootmama0709]

My husband was hesitant about having a second because he felt that we would be able to provide ODS with more "stuff" if we didn't have any more. I disagreed because I grew up without tons of "stuff" and feel that it is good for kids; to this day, I feel that DH gets too focused on money and material things. (He is better than he was, though). The choice was taken out of our hands though when we were suprised with YDS. Funnily enough, having two actually made DH much more open to having a third and we're talking about TTC #3 next spring!!

[A&A]

Ok, here's my totally "non-PC" answer:

It should be up to the person who has to put her body through pregnancy/labor.


Dh agreed to our 2nd TOTALLY because I wanted it. Now ds is 8, and dh has said several times that it was the absolute right decision for us to make!!

[K1329]

We both wanted it, but, accepted the fact that it would mean two difficult years. It was two difficult years, but, well worth it - our family feels complete. No regrets! I will be surprised if you get any "regret doing it" responses... it's truly amazing to watch two siblings interact and grow up together.

[GuildJenn]

I believe every child should be very very wanted by each parent. I'm not saying it can't work out other ways, but that's what I believe is ideal.

Unless there's an overriding timeline I personally would want to wait 'til my partner was comfortable, and I would want him to wait until I was.

Edit: We both wanted our first. After she died, we both wanted our second. Then for a couple of years I felt too overwhelmed about it. About 3 years ago we started trying and now I'm 6 wks pregnant and we're both thrilled. I am 39 and this will be our last. The age gap doesn't bother us; it's kind of neat to have been able to spend so long with our son as an only and if this baby makes it, it will be nice to see him be old enough to have his own 'sphere' and maybe (hopefully) to nuture the little one.

[CherryBombMama]

we both wanted more than one child, so after ds1 was born, it was just a matter of time before ds2 would be conceived. for me, i was ready to start right away, my dh was a bit worried about finances, giving ds1 the same amount of attention, etc. but when ds1 was 8 months and we unexpectedly got our BFP, he was totally thrilled and cant wait for this LO to be born

for our future third child, though, im sure i will THINK i want another one right away, but we have agreed to wait until ds1 is in 1st grade

[starlein26]

I find that each new child decreases control (or a sense of control) and predictability. This goes for the first, onward. Some people manage (or cope) with this decrease...others don't have much fun managing .

Being very honest here (because clearly I love my children more than anything) but each new child has decreased my overall satisfaction with parenting. And again, .

[minkleaf]

DH always wanted more than one, he had two brothers. I was fine with an only, I'd been an only child. A second had been under discussion for awhile when we had an oops. At first I thought about termination, but decided that at my age (43) it could be the last chance and just to go for it.

In the short term it is nice because they can play with each other. In the long term I'm glad we have more than one because they will hopefully have each other when they get older. Being an only when parents die has been tough in some ways. Although if there was just one child some decisions for our future would be easier.

[Girlprof]

I've always wanted 2 kids. DH was less sure about kids in general and was pretty happy with just one. That said, DS was a handful and I wasn't ready to think about number 2 until he was 2 years old. It took another few months to get DH on board. Then we had 2 miscarriages and to his credit, DH never said, let's just be done, though he did say he was worried about the toll it was taking on me. Now DS is 6 and DD is 2 and well, she's the apple of her daddy's eye, of course.