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I'm still not excited - Page 2

post #21 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post

I don't know what's wrong with me.
Um... Nothing?? I think you are perfectly normal!

Twins are really exciting until you get down to the nitty gritty details. It seems to me you are just a realist. I imagine life with twins will be easier than you are anticipating.

I didn't get excited once during my twin pregnancy. Or during the first couple years with twins. Moments of joy? Yes. Moments of complete love and wonderfulness? (I guess that would be the unicorn farts?) Yes! But I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Don't waste any energy feeling guilty about how you feel.


Oh yeah---> Congratulations! It really is a roller coaster ride worth taking.
post #22 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoomaYula View Post
Get used to hearing how LUCKY you are, and how everyone WISHES THEY HAD TWINS -- and all kinds of personal questions. On good days, I would smile and nod and answer stupid questions. On bad days, I would snort and roll my eyes.
The stupid comments from strangers was probably my least favorite part of having twins. (Well, there's also the "Let's both get sick with rotavirus on the same day, just to torture Mama" part. That's always fun.)

You'll also be subjected to hearing about how so-and-so's second cousin's mother-in-law's neighbor has twins. And similar stories. EVERYBODY seems to know SOMEBODY who had twins, and they all seem to think we care.
post #23 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Llyra View Post
You'll also be subjected to hearing about how so-and-so's second cousin's mother-in-law's neighbor has twins. And similar stories. EVERYBODY seems to know SOMEBODY who had twins, and they all seem to think we care.
post #24 of 61
Thread Starter 
I went to dinner with the Moms of Multiples group and got the best advice: People will say stupid, ignorant things. Try really hard not to hit them.



Seriously though, this thread has made me feel a billion times better. I really thought I was a horrible ungrateful person and there was something terribly wrong with me. I had never even heard of the phrase "twinshock" until queenofchaos PMd me! It helps to know others have had similar feelings, and I can't thank you all enough for your honesty and your kind words.
post #25 of 61
Thread Starter 
Also, on the "stupid questions" front. People will not stop asking me if twins run in my family. I started answering "No. It's just a hazard of the elderly having sex." But my Pastor Hubby was scandalized, so now I just say "They do now."
post #26 of 61
Annette- LOL we need to facebook each other. I am right behind you with my two and feel the exact same way. It wasnt until I seen them the other day on an ultrasound that I did get excited.

The personal questions... I alwys turn it on the person asking.

"Were they concieved with fertility drugs?" (Or any question related to this)... i will tell them only if they share how their kids were concieved.

Hang in there, at some point twins will be fun. For now its scary and daunting.

Also take the nausea meds! You will feel soooo much better and my gosh. It may not be so scary when you can feel somewhat normal. I am stubborn about meds too but I've learned sometimes you just need them. (As I threw up in the grocery story today)...

Hang in there! PM me.. we can comiserate together!

ETA: My u/s where we found out what we were having... a LOT of profanity was involved... and I have only read positive twin stories because i'm not wanting to hear anything negative right yet... i'm already scared and upset enough on my own.
post #27 of 61
I don't get excited about my pregnancies until they are over. I'm guardedly optimistic at best.

Others have had great advice, so I'll just add that what you're feeling is normal. And as to what you're mourning-- it might be the anticipation of having one baby, and the relationship and bonding that happens with one. Bonding with two is a different journey. Not less wonderful, but it is a different experience.
post #28 of 61
Thread Starter 
Amanda, I'll PM you... but tomorrow. I thought lemonheads sounded like a good idea, but my tummy is telling me no... no it wasn't.

I wanted to add that every now and then, I do get this little glimpse of... I don't know. Something. I'll think "Wow, what an incredible blessing after two losses." Or "This is going to be totally different. How cool is that?" But it's fleeting.

I think the best thing I can do right now is take one day at a time. Tomorrow we have a guy from our church who does construction coming over to see if we can do anything to squeeze more space from our house or what we have to do to sell it. So that's my big thing for tomorrow.
post #29 of 61
I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant w/ my twins, and only have 1 2-year old at home. I'm still utterly terrified and at times ticked off... because seriously what was God thinking... how can I AP twins and a toddler. (blasphemous hmm?) I do have more moments now when I'm excited that they're almost here. I love them dearly and can't wait to meet them... but I'm also thinking most of the excitement has to do with the fact that all the pains in my body are going to disappear once they're here or at least I'll be able to take advil again! and has little to do w/ the utter chaos that will be twins!
post #30 of 61
In your first post you said you felt like you were mourning something . . .that really resonated with me. I felt the same way, and in my case it was that I was mourning the loss of everything a singleton means. I felt like I was losing the ease of a singleton . . . the 'strap your baby on you and go' thing that I saw so many other mamas doing. I was losing the intimacy of the bond that develops between a nursing duo. I was losing the possibility of a home birth. Etc etc etc.

IMO it is normal to mourn these things. Are there other positive things about having twins that swoop in and take the place? Sure (although some of them are still theoretical to me, I'm still waiting ).

The annoying comments have gotten easier for me to hear and there are even times when I DO feel lucky, but I didnt' feel that way while pregnant. I did IVF so I knew that it was a real possibility and it was still hard to accept . . .I can't imagine how it would feel to have it happen to me spontaneously/ without warning.
post #31 of 61
My twins were my first and came after two years of trying and lots failed ART cycles, so I was very excited. But I was totally clueless as to what I was getting into. If I knew, I would have had trepidation.

I was the most tired I have ever been in my life when I was pregnant with the twins. I slept about 10 hours a night and took a 2 hour nap every day. I didn't work. I cannot imagine how tired you must be doing all you do. I was tired when I was pregnant with my singleton and my twins were 2, but nothing like the twins. Be gentle with yourself and I bet your husband is a lot less sick of helping out than you imagine. I know I feel like I have to do everything myself and feel bad if my husband does something, but I don't think he feels bad about doing it.

Oh and the, "Do twins run in your family?" question hasn't abated for me in 5 years. And the, "My sister's husband's best friend has twins" comment is so true. I never know what more I am supposed to say than, "Oh."
post #32 of 61
I felt mostly fear and dread my entire pregnancy...very little joy I am sorry to say. I too felt a sense of mourning for the loss of my dream life with a family of four...dh, ds, new baby and me. Two babies did not fit into my plan. I felt annoyed at my body for allowing two babies and the babies for both hanging on in there. My heart goes out to you right now...it's a scary place to be. I only have one other child so it's way different for me but I will tell you this, my son (4y/o) is awesome with them and helps me way more than I could have expected. When your duo come, it will be rough but you will get right into the swing of things just as you did with the other four. People ask me all the time how I manage with twins...I just do because I do, no other choice. I don't know any different now, don't know what it would be like to have them one at a time. I can't explain how I feel but it just is what it is, it's just my family, my kids. It's tough but you already know what tough is with four kids I would guess.

We do cosleep, bf, cloth diaper and babywear. The first months were easier in some ways because I could wear both in a moby, now, not so much Naps are hard because we don't seem to make babies that sleep easily by themselves and we don't CIO so alot of naps are spent on the couch nursing. DS finds other ways to entertain himself and adjusted very well. If I could go back and change one thing, I would not have spent my pregnancy fearful and in dread because it didn't change the outcome at all. My grandma always says, "honey, don't go borrowin trouble" and it's great advice. Worry won't change anything. I don't think I could have gone all crazy joyfull but neutral would have been nice Everyone around me was so excited for us but who in their right mind wants two infants??? Seriously. I think they wouldn't have been so excited if it had been them. What you are feeling is normal, normal, normal.

Hugs to you mama.

Dena
post #33 of 61
I just wanted to say that I understand.

I'm 25 weeks with my twins and have a 3-year-old son, and while I do have moments of excitement (usually when cuddling a friend's newborn or looking at sweet twin pictures online), on the whole I'm really nervous and scared about how much this is going to change our lives. It doesn't really help that everyone else seems to think it's just the greatest thing in the world - makes me feel like a real Debbie Downer when inside I'm thinking, "I didn't ask for this."

I realize that none of that is helpful, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I think it's probably really true what the other twin moms are saying - that twins seem like a lot more fun when you aren't the one having them. I know this experience will be totally worth it, but I also know that it is (and will be) a lot harder than most people realize.
post #34 of 61
Whoever mentioned the hysterical laughter and then the panic?? Yah. That was me. I was 21wks and laughed this maniacal laughter the entire way home from my u/s trying to figure out how to tell my husband that our OOPS that was bringing us #4 was actually #4 AND 5. We had no house to live in - our was under construction and not due to be completed til 1 week prior to my DUE date.....we were living in a 31ft quad bunk trailer......


I felt joy that my babes were growing healthy and I looked forward to the joy I knew we'd experience as the days went on but I definitely felt panic and DEFINITELY didn't fart rainbows! LMAO While pregnant I stewed about what ifs and what abouts and how the hell????

Now, at 9mths there are challenges every day - the loss of the 'strap your babe on and go' that someone else mentioned - now its strap on on the back, one on the front (or sling him on the hip if its a quick pop in) and hope like hell whatever I have to pick up isn't heavier than 5lb.....BUT!!!!!! there are smiles and snuggles and cuddles and MA-mas!!! and the joy of watching the older kids with the babes and the joy on the babes faces with the older kids. There is the joy of watching these little things that kicked me and poop on me become PEOPLE.

The joy is there. Its just not the right time for it to show up. (and if you ever end up farting rainbows, can I watch and live vicariously thru you??? LOL)
post #35 of 61
Well, I DID always want twins - when I was younger. Then once I had my ds1, I realized how much hard work having kids was, and no longer wanted more than one at a time. I did feel a lot of dread, trepidation, sorrow, etc. I still do, but those days get fewer and further between. On really bad days, I walk around saying, "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." On good days, I take tons of pictures of the kids to remember how cute and sweet they are.

It was pretty hard at first, but we do try to be as AP as possible. Don't beat yourself up for emotions that are totally normal. Concentrate on making those babies big and healthy
post #36 of 61
Annette, we do not have multiples but when I saw it was you I just wanted to say
post #37 of 61
annettemarie, people always made those comments to us

Now I will say we were happy and over the moon when they were born and believe it or not they were a surprise at birth (I won't go into the reasons why or what I think of midwife's handling) I think I would have been pretty much terrified anticipating--no matter how happy we were it was very scary too because of how our life was complicated. We lived in a tiny and went from one child to three and everything was pretty tenuous it seemed--financially and otherwise.

I agree with a pp who said you are being realistic. You deal with the day-to-day practicalities of your children and home day in and day out already--you can envision pretty specifically how hard it will be. And it was soooo hard. I would not have had my life any other way though. I was soooo in love with those babies. In some ways that was all that mattered.

If I had spent months considering in advance how to handle twins oh my I would not have been basking in joy every moment that is for sure. Even now I could not tell you how we made it and I would freak if I needed to do it again. That said, I would be delighted if we were expecting twins again. After having "barely survived" I would be glad to do it again. FWIW
post #38 of 61
I'm another one who didn't fart rainbows. My daughter was 3 at the time when we found out we were having twins. To be honest, I was TERRIFIED. I wasn't happy or overjoyed when we found out. You're definitely not alone!

Oh and the stupid comments from strangers "Are they 'paternal' twins?" "Do twins run in your or your husband's family?" I don't have time to educate them on twinning, so I just nod my head yes and go on my merry way :
post #39 of 61
I'm really tempted to print out a pamphlet on "twins" and pass it out to those who stop to ask questions. Just say "Here - all the answers you'll ever need and then some" and pass them a paper.
post #40 of 61
My favorite comment of all time was the woman who asked me, very nicely, "Are they twins?" to which I replied, "yes." Then she asked, "Are you SURE?" And I was floored-- um, I was THERE! I WATCHED them come out. I don't see how I could possibly be mistaken.

I've also been asked numerous times how they could possibly be twins when they don't look alike. (Mine are both blond, but have very different appearances otherwise, and are not the same size.) I've also been asked if they're identical-- even though they're a boy and a girl. These comments really just show that most people know very little about multiples. But the one about was I sure just stunned me.
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