I just wanted to add to the choir of voices saying it is SO normal! And I'm so glad to see you wrote about this, as I also felt guilty for not being over-the-moon re: having twins.
I had told my husband during the pregnancy that I was never doing fertility drugs again, and if we were going to have another baby miracle, it would have to be a non-drug miracle. He asked me again recently, and said, "It wasn't so bad. It's not so bad." I looked at him like he was nuts!! I told him I love my babies, but this twin thing IS hard, and the number one reason I don't want to do drugs again is I don't want to take the risk of having twins again.
To be clear, and I know ALL of you know this - I love my twins to death, I couldn't imagine life without either of them now, and I'm so, so, so happy to have them.
That said, I would have preferred to have them one at a time... !
I got pregnant with my twins after three losses and 7 years of infertility. I should have been BEYOND excited. And I also did the laughing during the ultrasound. But it was a laughter of "Oh my G-d!" and "OH MY G-D!!!" I was so scared.
The pregnancy was the hardest pregnancy I ever had. I was sick all the way through, EXHAUSTED, sleeping all the time. I hardly moved, was on a sort of modified bed rest, could do nothing. I cried. A lot.
Then, I had a breech baby A, and an umbilical cord issue with baby B, had to have a planned C-section at 37 weeks - so far from my wished for natural birth, which I had with my second son. The hospital stay was a nightmare for me. I was used to rooming in with my babies, and couldn't because they were being monitored, and I cried ALL THE TIME. I know I had it much better than moms who have real premies... but I still cried, it still was hard for me.
It took a month and a half of pumping and drugs to get breastfeeding going... and yes, I cried about that too. A lot. We gave formula, first to supplement and then to allow me three hours of straight sleep once in awhile. Before the twins, I never used a bottle. I had to ask the nurses in the hospital how do you do this?! I think I cried every day the first two months.
HOWEVER... now, the twins are five and a half months. I still take dom. and fenugreek, but I don't have to pump anymore. Things are hard sometimes, but we have a beautiful breastfeeding relationship - exclusive, no bottles. I don't even know if my babies would take a bottle now! I can't answer their cries ASAP, but I've learned to not see myself as worst-mother-of-the-year when then happens. I use a baby carrier, but not as often as I did with the older boys. But that's ok.
We co-sleep, we have since the day I took them home from the hospital at 5 days old. I love having them next to me.
We homeschool, too. And we took off the first three months for baby concentration. We are back to homeschooling now, but we are not doing it as intensely as before. But it's ok, we are slowly finding a new groove. My kids are not suffering from it at all. We're doing more unschooling these days, you could say, lol.
I can say that at around four months, a month and a half ago, I could say I was very happy about my twins. Before that, it was happiness mixed with a lot of fear, sadness, and panic. It gets better, every day... ! It does! But please don't beat yourself up for feeling less than enthusiastic. People who have never had twins just don't understand.