nevermind

[junco]

nevermind

[MommaRNCCRN]

I'm so sorry for your predicament. Have you checked into local food banks in your area? Just a thought for something to tide you over until your foodstamps kick in. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you! Please come back and let us know how things worked out for you!

[mnnice]

Hugs to you.

The purpose of the fingerprinting is not to demoralize you and make you feel like a criminal (at least officially). It's to keep people from applying multiple times.

FWIW I have been fingerprint a couple different times to as part of background checks for employment and it didn't feel degrading to me (and I had to go to a jail to get it done) you most likely will do it in the office where the intake interview is scheduled.

Try your best to tell yourself that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. I am sure it is demoralizing and scary, but that's different than anything shameful is going on.

My only experiences with any sort of assistance are very old and completely pre-kid. I briefly got food stamps almost 20 years ago and I don't remember anything, but filling out a huge stack of forms and than getting an acceptance letter several weeks later. I never had to go anywhere and certainly no one came to my residence.

[happyhats]

we never got fingerprinted, and were only on cash aid for a couple months. It was rough, and we were glad to be off it, because we really didn't have anything even with the aid. In our case we had to prove we looked for work via forms, and bring them in weekly to our case office. My husband had to look for work thirty hours a week, and me twenty five. I think school might have qualified though? I'm not sure. One sucky thing was that even if you had a job that was less than the hours required you still had to look for work.

As far as how it has affected my child...she's only a year and a half. We're still on foodstamps and wic. I have been on wic off and on since I got pregnant with her, and on foodstamps since then as well. All she knows is that she is fed and happy. I know older children that haven't had any stigma either.

It gets easier. I'm not happy to be on aid, and I'm not happy I need it, but we're trying to make a better life for ourselves and I'm not ashamed I qualify for and can use assistance. I'm not out to "work the system", etc. I got pregnant with dd right as my husband got laid off. He's never made as much money since. And now I'm pregnant with number two, which was a suprise. The thing is, a lot of people need some kind of help these days-working or not, so you're not alone.

[Norasmomma]

First don't feel bad or criminal, these programs are designed for what you are going through.

I am just getting off of FS right now, my last $300 bucks for food will be spent this month. I used to think that there was such a stigma for getting food stamps, but in reality it's there and if I need to use something to take care of my family by golly I'm gonna do it, to not would be worse.

Last spring the economic downturn hit our highly construction based area, my DH is an electrician, he had a darn good job, BUT things got slower and slower until finally he was on UI and we were struggling pretty bad with a toddler and a baby on the way. In WA they significantly raised the base for getting FS, I applied, went to an interview and 20 minutes later had my EBT card and the next day had $140 for food for the month. When DS was born it went up to $300. I have to say that $300 saved our butts through the winter. I clipped coupons, shopped sales and got us a LOT of quality food by doing not much more than filling out some paperwork.

I also applied for heating assistance and got $600 for our pellets for our pellet stove, I will get on that list again, even if I don't qualify when I get on the list I may come Feb or March like I did this year. I'm taking that money and buying pellets with it for this coming fall.

Don't feel badly for doing what you have to do, most of the people I have had help me at my local CSO were very nice and understanding.

My kids are still on Medicaid, in WA a family of 4 can make $3600 and qualify for most programs like FS, WIC and Medicaid. I live in a super poor area. For myself it was a bit weird going to the office, but the lady who did my interview was really understanding and nice, things aren't great, it's bad for lots of people. My DH and I both now are working, he has found another company to work for and is thinking of training to have his own electrical business. I'm working at a bakery now and though not making much money love the job, plus anything helps our family right now.

Most of the benefits for FS, TANF, etc now are on "debit" cards so unless a cashier says something, nobody knows, but gosh sooooooo many people are having to do this now it's not as bad. I recently heard a woman in our local 2nd hand store saying they had to apply for FS and her DH was pretty appalled, but she said what is worse starving or getting assistance? She said he finally came to the conclusion it was the thing to do.

Don't feel bad, take care of your family and yourself right now.

[junco]

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[junco]

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[leavemealone]

I am glad your experience went well. We have never applied for TANF, but we did have to apply for other aid. We've been on FS since Jan and I am still embarrassed to use the card. I avoid the regular cashier's and go through the self check lines whenever possible. I have yet to combine using WIC and FS in the same transaction. Silly, I know, but I don't want to people to know I am on both. If I wasn't pregnant when DH's income dropped so low we couldn't afford food, I would have lived on mac & cheese, but being pregnant and having other kids, I sucked it up and applied. I know a lady locally who won't put her kids on Medicaid b/c she looks down on people who do that and b/c od that her kids have no insurance since she lost her job. To me, that is crazy but to each their own, I guess.

I agree that being on aid has made me look at things differently. We had begun the switch to simplifying and getting by on less, but I really do question a lot of things I used to do and things I used to buy.

[KatWrangler]

We are on Medicaid right now. We were on TANF middle of last year till February of this year. We also get FS and WIC (for the two girls).

I know the exact feelings you were describing, because I had them. I say over and over I will pay this forward tenfold. I can't tell you how many nice people we have run into in the past year that have helped us in some way.

Also, you aren't alone. There are many, many families out there like yours.

[sweetjasmine]

((((hugs)))) Count my daughter as another like you. Before she had children she and her husband worked full time, bought a house, spent whatever they wanted and weren't in need of anything. Now, a 5 year old, 15 month old and 2 month old later, a bad economy cutting her husband's salary and she doesn't work outside the home, she cried when she told me last year that they were applying for FS and wic. She was devasted and ashamed but she wouldn't take any help from me. She didn't want to depend on her "mommy" even if it meant having to depend on the government temporarily. I told her that she put in a few years into the system while she worked and now she just needed a little of it back. Her experience with going to apply for the first time was almost identical to yours and she called me from there in tears.

Just want to let you know you're not the only one! And none of us here looks down on you. You will get through it!

[Happiestever]

I know that some full time students get wic, and fs. And I think your school hours count toward work hours, as well as studying time. I know each state is different but I remember my cousin having to work as a laborer 40 hours a week to qualify for the $300 or whatever a month.
For some people assistance is a way of life, but going on it when you actually need it is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially if you have ever worked and paid taxed before. My aunt told me that she considers her taxes to be going to her daughter.

[EdnaMarie]

"I don't know if I will EVER tell anyone in IRL (including my child) that we had to do this."

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know that knowing I was on assistance as a child, due to no laziness or even overspending on my mother's part (her crime was partnering with a man who was, okay, let's just say it, an idiot) has affected how I live for the better.

I don't automatically blame people who are on assistance.

I am happy to pay taxes honestly because I know where they are going (at least partly...)

I did save and even though we get WIC now based on our income (and he works full time, I work from home but not salaried right now), I'm not ashamed. We have our savings and are still paying in, actually (amazingly you can get WIC even if you are paying into social security and a pension). People need help at times.

You really think those BP executives and other fat-cats DESERVE all the millions they are still raking in? Bah. Life is not fair, and there's nothing shameful about being poor.

[basje]

First off, HUGS! You sound way stressed about your situation. I do wonder why you are deeply ashamed to get the help that you need to sustain your family. Presumably while you were working you payed taxes, and it's through no fault of your own that you've lost your job and are finding it difficult to find another. The economy is hard right now! You're not alone!

This particular experience might be a good opportunity to work through some of the issues you have surrounding class. Any one of us can loose everything. Through natural disaster, domestic violence, getting sick or just plain old bad luck. Utilzing a system that is suppost to help us rebuild our lives is a good thing! Living in poverty is a challenge and it also allows us to figure out what we value, how strong our family is and become more convicted about our dreams for the future.

You might be surprised if you started talking about your experience IRL by people's reactions! I am open about my TANF, and people ask questions, good questions. Of the people that I meet who have never been on TANF they are very interested to know how much work goes into getting those benefits. Many more people are asking because they themselves need help but haven't known where to turn! I have been able to give hope to so many other people my sharing my situation, people I never expected were struggling. Just a thought for the road.

There is nothing shameful about being poor. Nor is there about being rich. Either way we should be giving to others, being kind and contributing to our communities. Use this time to make a modest plan on how to get off the benefits in the next year or two. Move slowly so that when you get off benefits you can stay off, and have a more comfortable lifestyle. And remember that as you transition off, you will get to keep you medical benefits for your kids for at least a year likely two. It's not a handout but a hand up.

[sweetjasmine]

basje, excellent post. Lots of food for thought!

[Davonia]

TANF consists of foodstamps, Medicaid (medical insurance), and cash assistance. Some states will also refer you to programs that will help with heating in winter, etc.

Once you submit your paperwork (it's all paperwork, really), they will be able to tell you which parts you qualify for. For example, my kids qualify for Medicaid, but we don't qualifty for FS or cash assistance. I think that cash assistance is the only part where they might require work in exchange.

I started off on WIC, then applied for Medicaid and FS when I divorce. I got off FS within a year or so. Now, that I've moved and re-married, my kids are on Medicaid. I suspect that when I go down to parttime next year, we will qualify for FS again. We pay into this program and should be able to use it when needed.

My advice would be to really look around at the other people there. Chances are you will find someone that looks as scared as you. Make a friend. Talking to someone in person that is going through the same thing will help.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by junco

What constitutes "work" when we've been looking for jobs in our professional fields and haven't found anything? Will be be forced to do labor work or something like that? We practice AP and leaving our child in childcare is completely out of the question.

I don't know if you'll be forced, but we've done that. My husband is a software architect with a +$90,000 salary in a low COL area. A few years ago, when I was working as a graduate assistant and he couldn't find a job with his degree, he worked at GAP and supplemented with day labor. We only did that for about 6 months, but we'd do it again if needed.

We never got, or applied for, assistance. I don't know if we would've qualified for much because we didn't have children. Still I don't think there's anything wrong with doing manual labor if it's what you've got to do for your family to survive.

The fact that you have no friends who you feel wouldn't judge you for being on assistance really suggests to me - and I mean this gently - that perhaps you should re-evaluate lots of things about your life. I get where you're living in terms of socio-economic status, but obviously you're seeing there are some problems with that. Being afraid your child will be taken away because you're applying for public assistance is irrational. You know that, and yet you still showed up with your child's medical records and clothes. Please consider finding someone IRL with whom you can discuss these issues because I'm afraid you're going to have a difficult time making it through this experience if you don't deal with the emotional side of things.

[zebra15]

I am on fs and medical. when i applied the deal was if you wanted benefits and you were a student you needed to work 20 hrs a week, if you were not a student there was no work requirement. (im not sure what the age of the baby needed to be) i know that makes no sense that a student needs to work and unemployed dont but thats how it is in my state. they dont care if you are AP, if you want the benefits you need to attend the 'jobs' classes and work the program.

I hate to be harsh but thats how the system works. I've been unemployed from a real full time w. bene's job going on 2 years now. It stinks, I've been through the depression, the guilt, the 'i dont care', i've thought about moving back 'home' but i wont do that either. something has to get better SOON.

[mbhf]

Originally Posted by junco

What constitutes "work" when we've been looking for jobs in our professional fields and haven't found anything? Will be be forced to do labor work or something like that? We practice AP and leaving our child in childcare is completely out of the question.

Have either of you looked for work outside of your professional field? If you haven't, why not? What did you do with your child while you were both working if you are opposed to putting her in childcare?

[blessedwithboys]

OP, i am saying this as gently and kindly as possible: get over yourself!

i hope that you are able to get food stamps to feed yourself and counseling to help you get over your other issues. i've never read a post here that sounded so, i dunno...i cant even think of the word, but your description of the "poor people" at the FS office made me laugh and cuss at the same time. wow. i cant imagine what sort of sheltered existance you must have had up til now. did you really think your kid will be taken away?

posting anonymously to cry about FS? everyone i know IRL is on medicaid at least. i cant imagine having friends IRL who would judge me for being on public assistance.

and FTR, i will be majorly pissed to hear of a two parent family getting cash, bc i am a single mother with chronic health issues that limit my ability to work and when i applied for cash a few years ago i all but got laughed out fo the office.

[cristina47454]

OP. I completely get where you are coming from. COMPLETELY. This economy has turned my world upside down. When dh and I finally went and applied for state health coverage (in person, at the hospital), I cried through the entire interview. I was ashamed, and embarrassed. My family knows we are struggling, but I am too proud to tell them how much. They are very generous with us, always pay for our meals when we visit, my SIL takes my kids to things that we can' t afford to do

DH used to be a well paid white collar professional. Now he is working as a day laborer bcs it's the only consistent work he can find. He needs to write his memoirs. It's quite a story.

Yes, it's foreign. And hopefully it's temporary. But there is good that comes out of it. We've learned how to budget our money (previously, if we wanted something, we'd just buy it, never really knowing how to determine whether we could afford it), we've learned to focus on the simple things, dh went from a sedentary desk job and carrying around an extra 50 lbs to being fit and feeling like he has a new lease on life. Our relationship is BETTER now than when we were rolling in dough.

But I'm going through it too. PM me if you need to "talk" about it.