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Originally Posted by basje
 First off, HUGS! You sound way stressed about your situation. I do wonder why you are deeply ashamed to get the help that you need to sustain your family. Presumably while you were working you payed taxes, and it's through no fault of your own that you've lost your job and are finding it difficult to find another. The economy is hard right now! You're not alone!
This particular experience might be a good opportunity to work through some of the issues you have surrounding class. Any one of us can loose everything. Through natural disaster, domestic violence, getting sick or just plain old bad luck. Utilzing a system that is suppost to help us rebuild our lives is a good thing!  Living in poverty is a challenge and it also allows us to figure out what we value, how strong our family is and become more convicted about our dreams for the future.  You might be surprised if you started talking about your experience IRL by people's reactions! I am open about my TANF, and people ask questions, good questions. Of the people that I meet who have never been on TANF they are very interested to know how much work goes into getting those benefits. Many more people are asking because they themselves need help but haven't known where to turn! I have been able to give hope to so many other people my sharing my situation, people I never expected were struggling. Just a thought for the road. There is nothing shameful about being poor. Nor is there about being rich. Either way we should be giving to others, being kind and contributing to our communities. Use this time to make a modest plan on how to get off the benefits in the next year or two. Move slowly so that when you get off benefits you can stay off, and have a more comfortable lifestyle. And remember that as you transition off, you will get to keep you medical benefits for your kids for at least a year likely two. It's not a handout but a hand up. |
I think it's wonderful that you [OP], are already looking ahead and wanting to help those in need when things begin to look up!!!
Don't feel ashamed, life happens, it happens to many of us. Just be thankful that the help is there when you need it most!
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Originally Posted by VisionaryMom
I don't know if you'll be forced, but we've done that. My husband is a software architect with a +$90,000 salary in a low COL area. A few years ago, when I was working as a graduate assistant and he couldn't find a job with his degree, he worked at GAP and supplemented with day labor. We only did that for about 6 months, but we'd do it again if needed.
We never got, or applied for, assistance. I don't know if we would've qualified for much because we didn't have children. Still I don't think there's anything wrong with doing manual labor if it's what you've got to do for your family to survive. The fact that you have no friends who you feel wouldn't judge you for being on assistance really suggests to me - and I mean this gently - that perhaps you should re-evaluate lots of things about your life. I get where you're living in terms of socio-economic status, but obviously you're seeing there are some problems with that. Being afraid your child will be taken away because you're applying for public assistance is irrational. You know that, and yet you still showed up with your child's medical records and clothes. Please consider finding someone IRL with whom you can discuss these issues because I'm afraid you're going to have a difficult time making it through this experience if you don't deal with the emotional side of things. |
We are also an AP'ing family OP. And both my DH and I work full time! I recently went back to work after 3.5 years. We had too as we were drowning as well with the downward spiral of the economy.
He has a B.A. degree and I have a Master's degree. But neither of us can seem to find a job at the moment that gets above $10 an hour. We received help in our "dark" time and are truly thankful. We got a lot of flack from it and you know what. I don't give a flying poop anymore about those people. I know my family and know we work darn hard and at the end of the day all that matters is our love and desire to provide for our family!
As far as the AP'ing thing. I'm very fortunate that where I work [my 3.5 year old's school: special needs based], is where he goes of course and I can bring my youngest in as well as a "daycare" child. He's in the Little Pre-K room and LOVES it!! AND I'm so close!! [Just down the hall!!].
We still run our household as we always have! We do the family bed, I nurse in the evening/nights for my 2 year old, etc....You can still be "AP" and work!! Shoot, the Sears family who pioneered the term and brought to the forefront this wonderful path, work!! The dad and 2 sons [or 3?] are doctors, the mother is a nurse. AP'ing is being cued into your children and treating them as equal human beings. We can still do that and work
And yup, even though we have degrees, at the moment we do have jobs that are not "degree" worthy, but you know what? We are so happy and so blessed and that's all that matters
Good luck mama!!!!
You are NOT alone!!!
