Passive Aggressive comments about homeschool

[sapientia]

One would think I wouldn't be bothered by comments since I have been doing this off and on for some years, now

I just need some support. I know my kids and I wouldn't pressure them at all, but it seems my family's educational choices(both homeschool and public in our family)) get comments from people I am close to, a lot. My kids are really smart, and well ahead in years. And it seems that people think since my kids are so bright, it's because I have forced them to learn, or kept them from being kids.


I haven't forced them!!! I consider one of the things I have done RIGHT as a parent is to make learning easy-fun...have resources, work together, I've told them many times that someone can take everything from you-except your education. My kids LOVE to learn! I have always kept crafts around, conversations about history, novels...etc. And a few of them learn OUTSIDE of traditional means. For example-my thirteen year old (homeschool) will graduate and go to college very early because she doesn't want to play the social silly games in high school. (She's read the Teenage liberation handbook and it put into words what she has felt for awhile now) I get flak for this. I'm depriving her of her God-given right to high school fun.

argh. Anyone go through this?

[kittie313]

Wait a minute, your getting negative comments for having accelerated learners who are homeschooled? Wow people really WILL insult anything they possibly can to prove that they are right................ Wow, just wow. That totally blows me away.

Now I want to ask my friend who hs'es her 5 1/2 kids if she gets remarks like you get because her oldest is CRAZY smart for her age (4th grade but is doing some high school level material for history and science, plus reading years above grade level) I think I'll e-mail her now and ask that....................

(but I get the vibes from family that dd1 may not have the trouble with learning that she does if she went to ps, hello people she's dyslexic with apd and spd and adhd, ps would and did make it all worse for her)

[fruitfulmomma]

I'm depriving her of her God-given right to high school fun.

I begged my mom to let me drop out and get my GED after 10th grade because I was having so much "fun". My friend's mom was all like "but what about the prom?" I thought school was for getting an education and like I was going to get invited anyway. (Friend quit school later too.)

My sister convinced my mom to homeschool her about a year later, from 7th grade on because she hated the environment. I've met other kids like that too. I can not imagine forcing my kids into that situation.

Anyway, most of the negative comments we've gotten have been about how I "have" to let them go to high school so they can play sports and how it's fine for kindergarten or whatever but the kids need to let go of momma's apron strings. I've had passive-aggressive remarks made about "when such and such goes to school then they are going to have x problems", as though she did not hear/can not comprehend the fact that we have no intention of sending our kids to "school". I think she has gotten better though, even though she still thinks we are crazy.

[AAK]

People love to judge, don't they! It really sucks that these comments are coming from people you are close to, but just let it roll off your back. If you child loves to learn, kudos to you! That is my number 1 goal of homeschooling -- to maintain a love of learning!

Everyone tries to "help me" make educational decisions too. I really do think that they think they are being helpful. Instead, it is aggravating. My oldest is ahead of the game, so (of course) I am pushing her too much. My second struggles with dyslexia so I need to get a "real" teacher so that she can finally read independently. HELLO!!! She was at a ps and making NO progress. Now, she is making slow but steady progress and her confidence has zoomed. I choose to ignore most, and for the rest, I say stuff like "that is an interesting thought, I will have to look into it." And, some people, I choose to avoid or at least avoid educational discussions!

Amy

[AAK]

Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma

Anyway, most of the negative comments we've gotten have been about how I "have" to let them go to high school so they can play sports and how it's fine for kindergarten or whatever but the kids need to let go of momma's apron strings.

I get this too. I keep wanting to know why they think my kids will suddenly want to play sports come high school! And there are only 10 kids on the basketball team, why is "sports" a reason to attend hs. And, my other favorite came from a nasty mom who thought I was insane not to wish them to experience middle school. She wants to know how they will "toughen up" if they don't experience it. I can't believe she wants her dd to behave like a backstabbing *&^% but whatever.

Amy

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by AAK

And, my other favorite came from a nasty mom who thought I was insane not to wish them to experience middle school. She wants to know how they will "toughen up" if they don't experience it.

That actually made my jaw drop open. MIDDLE SCHOOL???! That's about as bizarre as it gets - after middle school, life is just a bowl of cherries. You might ask her sometime, if you ever let it come up again, what would be so great about toughening up at that age rather than having time to grow and mature and be able to deal later with social situations that will probably never be as weird as middle school. Hey, maybe the reason she's so nasty is that she had a hellish time in middle school. - Lillian

[LauraLoo]

We get this, too.

I think it's kind of a "common denominator" syndrome of sorts. If we *all* go through the same experiences then we'll have a bonding factor - something to talk to each other about and relate to. God forbid that you should actually have to appreciate someone else for the individual that they are.

[sapientia]

wow! It is amazing to me how many people have had to hear the same stuff that I have heard!

I heard the middle school argument, too-in regards to the 'toughening up' and how my children would be 'wimps'. I really was flabbergasted by that one. It amazes me what people have to tell themselves to keep from stretching out of a comfort zone. So I should subject them to bullying and the nightmare of middle school so they can learn to argue...no, how about we learn to debate team skills at home, learn effective arguments and most of all-when it's best just to avoid confrontation and just walk away. Or hey, how about just learn hwo to get along with people who are different and have different opinions in a world outside of ps? ahhh, nooo...that's just craaazzzzy talk!
(not saying anything bad about ps parents, two of my kids opt for school outside and they do well)

My 10 yo has a disfluency issue and I have heard that if I sent him to school then he'd 'straighten out' and 'get over that stuttering s*it.' That was from my mom-who has worked in the school system as a librarian aide for over 30 years. I didn't even know what to say other than 'really??? did you just say that to me?'

sigh. Most of the time I hear how amazingly bright my kids are, it's just that sometimes I hear such ridiculous stuff. It's sad that you guys have heard it, too, but nice to know it's not all just me.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by sapientia

I get flak for this. I'm depriving her of her God-given right to high school fun.

High school 'fun'?? Mean girls, bullies, drugs floating about the campus, wanna be gangs, pointless busywork... the list of exciting fun possibly awaiting you in high school goes on and on...

I'm a pagan... I would crack up if someone said God given right to high school fun to me And possibly ask which one

Originally Posted by sapientia

My 10 yo has a disfluency issue and I have heard that if I sent him to school then he'd 'straighten out' and 'get over that stuttering s*it.' That was from my mom-who has worked in the school system as a librarian aide for over 30 years. I didn't even know what to say other than 'really??? did you just say that to me?'

Yeah... what he would REALLY do, is just stop talking unless he absolutely had to for fear of being bullied & made fun of. I had a friend in school with that very issue, the way people treated him was NOT nice

I get the passive aggressive socialization comments from my dingy SIL. Things like, completely out of the blue anytime anything REMOTELY related to school comes up at all, 'OH L gets SO much better socialization that we could ever give her at home!' or 'L LOVES school and has since the first day she went!' This has happened each of the last 2 times we saw her... and we dropped our neice (L) off home last time and all she did was talk about how SHE wishes SHE didn't have to go to school ... If SIL pulls that comment next time we see her, I think I'll tell her about that conversation just for giggles.

Seriously though, I AM getting to the breaking point with her and her totally unsolicited and irrelevant comments... she's going to cop an earful shortly I'm sure

[NaturalMamma]

Originally Posted by sapientia

And it seems that people think since my kids are so bright, it's because I have forced them to learn, or kept them from being kids.

Wow! That is a new one on me. Boy, homeschoolers just can't catch a break, can they? The assault on HSing never ceases.

[sapientia]

Originally Posted by NaturalMamma

Wow! That is a new one on me. Boy, homeschoolers just can't catch a break, can they? The assault on HSing never ceases.

Your post just got me thinking-you're right, homeschoolers hardly catch a break! And next time this someone in my life says I'm pushing my homeschooled kids to learn, I'm going to tell them 'ahhh, and goodness knows you certainly aren't pushing your child to learn...sending them to school to sit in a desk for hours a day...'

again, no statement towards ps, a statement towards hypocritical nonsense.

[Lenore K.]

Not just homeschoolers that get flak...

We are homeschooling our 6 year old. I have a 23 yr old daughter who attended public school. She, too, did not get into all the high school social stuff that was offered. She had her own social life with her own circle of friends and activities. We regularly heard comments like "Oh, she is missing out," "She would really have fun....really," "She needs to get out more." That last one was because she didn't attend games, proms, afterschool "school" activities. She chose not to attend her own high school graduation. She was ready to move on.
So it is not just the homeschooling ones that get this kind of flak. I think they just project themselves onto them and open their mouths without thinking. For the most part, we just ignored them!

[craft_media_hero]

Well, it sure is great when your hs-er proves you right and silences all the negative voices!

My 6yo dd is doing summer day camp this week since I'm in job training, and though dp and I were a little worried about how she'd adjust because she doesn't like to be rushed or stand in lines (her words )

She's just fine! She made friends the first day, hasn't had any problems conforming to the rules of the program (standing in lines, heh heh), and is having a blast!

It just feels really good to see all the negative comment stuff fly out the window because we KNOW our hs-er COULD play the ps game (and it's a good skill to have for certain circumstances) but we don't want her to have to do so every single day.

eta *but ITA, it makes me barf when family members GUSH on about how little so-and-so JUST LOVES school and blah blah and it does feel like a gouging elbow in my ribs saying "so why doesn't your daughter". And all that gushing and bragging is just fine for them, but when I mention dd's accomplishments or want to show off a little of her awesome work, it's kind of like, "oh poo-poo, that's just playing around at the kitchen table" GRR!*

[AJP]

I think there may be an element of "paying your dues" behind comments of the sort you all are describing. As in, the subconscious thought of "I had to suffer through school, so should everyone else." I think it's a pretty common reaction for people to feel jealousy at the prospect of someone getting to an endpoint (like a happy, functional adult life) without having to go through the all the typical (for our society) traumas and pressures along the way. They want everyone to go through the same wringer, because the concept of a different path makes them feel uncomfortable and like they endured unnecessary BS or that their socially-imposed priorities are useless.

And yeah, it's not just HSers who get those kind of reactions. Anyone who operates outside the mainstream in any way feels that friction at some point, I think.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero

eta *but ITA, it makes me barf when family members GUSH on about how little so-and-so JUST LOVES school and blah blah and it does feel like a gouging elbow in my ribs saying "so why doesn't your daughter". And all that gushing and bragging is just fine for them, but when I mention dd's accomplishments or want to show off a little of her awesome work, it's kind of like, "oh poo-poo, that's just playing around at the kitchen table" GRR!*

Bolded bit.. especially when little so & so DOES NOT love school nearly as much as mum wants to think (as in the case of my SIL & neice )

*I* don't show off my kids work... I make sure that it's displayed in our family room and the boys show it off themselves when the grandparents etc visit. If someone so much as implied that it wasnt' 'real' work, directly to my kids (or in their presence?) I'd tear a strip of them... figuratively speaking

Originally Posted by AJP

I think there may be an element of "paying your dues" behind comments of the sort you all are describing. As in, the subconscious thought of "I had to suffer through school, so should everyone else."

I think that's a big part of it. People don't get why, if it was good enough for THEM, why do we think it's not good enough for our children.

[sha_lyn]

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

Bolded bit.. especially when little so & so DOES NOT love school nearly as much as mum wants to think (as in the case of my SIL & neice )

Or when every word about the school has been a complaint until homeschooling comes up. Then all of a sudden their kid loves public school and they couldn't imagine keep their kiddo away from school.

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by sha_lyn

Or when every word about the school has been a complaint until homeschooling comes up. Then all of a sudden their kid loves public school and they couldn't imagine keep their kiddo away from school.

TOTALLY