spinoff playground vent (and junkfood vent)

[mama2mygirl]

You know what's wierd to me? No, you do not but I will tell you. Here, it does not matter which group of people--mainstream girl scouts, one semi-crunchy homeschooling group, other reallllllly crunchy homeschooling group--all the kids have two cupcakes or two pieces of cakes. At every.single.party. I wouldn't actually mind if we didn't go to so many activities that had birthday cupcakes. It started to be twice a week and that's four cupcakes. I also try to walk the line of healthful eating at home and some treats outside the home but it got to be just too much.
I finally said just one. At the last homeschooling group, I left dd1 in the care of the other mamas and she'd already had one cupcake. The mom set the cupcakes out for seconds and dd did make me laugh. The mama said, "Anyone who is interested in seconds, come to this table. " DD announced, "I am interested but my mama won't let me."
And when I came back I grabbed our food bag. "Cool! There's cheesecake in my bag, " I said.
The mama who'd watched my girl said, "That's your dd1's. She said, 'My mama only lets me have one treat a day.' She's saving it." So my message is getting through.
But when did two of everything--or in this case three--become the norm? Or is it only our norm?

[NYCVeg]

Hmmm. That sounds really odd to me, actually. We've lived in two very different areas (a major city, now a suburb) and this is certainly not the norm in either place. Actually, I can't think of a time when I've seen a child have a second cupcake or slice of cake at a party (although I don't think anyone would much care if a child asked). Usually, if there are leftovers, they're offered to the parents.

[Drummer's Wife]

There was a kid at my DS's birthday party who wouldn't even eat one piece of cake. He also didn't fill his gift bag with the candy from the pinata. He said his mom didn't let him have sugar.

Honestly, I thought that was weird.

[mama2mygirl]

We know a couple kids who NEVER have sugar.
Maybe the cupcake/cake thing is just who we hang around. But, like I said, it's all of our different friends. Homeschooling, unschooling, really religious, not religious, girl scouts....it seems like the new norm.

[buttercup784ever]

Not the norm here. One piece of cake or cupcake is normal. And San Antonio is supposedly one of the fattest cities in the country so it's surprising we don't see it more often!

[MissMaegie'sMama]

Yeah, that is kind of strange. We've been to lots of parties where a lot of cake is left over after everyone's been served, but I've never been to a party or gathering where the host serves extra cake to the kids without okaying it with the parents first. Sometimes extra slices are sent home with the guests (with parental permission, of course).

Overindulgence is a hard habit to stop, especially if your DD attends lots of gatherings where cake is served, so good for you setting limits on how much she is allowed to eat in a sitting.

[mama2mygirl]

Come to think of it, there was one party where another mama said no. DD2, before I made the new rule, was saying, "But Mama, ALL the other kids get to have two cupcakes!"
Another mama chimed in, "J doesn't get to have another one either, H."
There was one more mama who said no but caved into the pressure.

[mamazee]

I'm not aware of that happening here. I've never given two pieces, in fact kids usually get only one very small piece of cake from what I've seen. I'll have to ask dd though.

[VisionaryMom]

It's not the norm here either. I doubt most of our friends would allow their children to have more than one cupcake or piece of cake.

[lilyka]

its not the norm here but no one wants the left overs coming back hgome with them so they will try to pawn it off on anyone who will eat it. But parties in and of themselves are a rare treat here. We go to maybe two or three a year per kid. We get more invites than that but rarely accept unless it is a very close friend.

[barefootmama0709]

That is really wierd! I always say "one is enough" to ODS when we're talking about desserts. (I do occasionally let him have two cookies if they're small, but that's it). I think making children accustomed to eating TWO pieces of cake at every party is setting them up for bad habits.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

There was a kid at my DS's birthday party who wouldn't even eat one piece of cake. He also didn't fill his gift bag with the candy from the pinata. He said his mom didn't let him have sugar.

Honestly, I thought that was weird.

That would be my ds But he doesn't eat any cake/cupcakes/cookies/candy (except plain milk chocolate... hershey's bars or kisses or m&m's). So at every party he's been at the parents are trying to shove these treats in his face and he's freaking out because he's already politely told them "no thank you" and they insist that he take it anyway I think it was the second week of school this year (kindergarten) someone had a b-day so brought in a treat (cookies) for snack. When I picked up ds his aide said he did great and "he loved the cookie we had for snack today". I was shocked but didn't say anything (ds has seriously never eaten a cookie in his life). In the car I asked ds if he liked the cookie and he broke down saying no, he didn't want to eat it so he hid it in his backpack because he didn't want his teachers and friends to be mad at him because everyone else was eating theirs Yeah.... we had a talk with the teacher (and aide) over that one and ds had his own container of snacks for the rest of the year (he still brought snacks when it was his assigned day but he almost never ate what the other kids brought). At the end of the year his teacher said we were the ONLY parents to bring in fruit all year (bananas twice, homemade banana muffins once, and I think pretzels and grapes the other time). All the other parents typically brought in the little debbie type snacks.

[Norasmomma]

It would be that way at my IL's plus HFCS laden soda, cookies, chips, candy free for all-I honestly hate going to their parties for that reason.

DD recently came to an epiphany about the parties and why her dad and I tell her to eat grow foods. She ate a piece of ice cream cake that was nearly the size of her head. After the party and the drive home she puked, but she realized we are worried about her health not just trying to be no fun.

For me a cupcake is great, a piece of cake, but as the mom of a kid who gets horrid with sugar spikes, one is enough.

[Evergreen]

I see parties as a time for overindulgence.

Plus due to slacker RSVPs I never know how many cupcakes are going to be enough so usually end up making 2 boxes (that's 48 cupcakes). If there are leftovers sure I offer another.


I have a child with sugar sensitivities myself so I do understand your frustration but that is why I choose to limit how many parties we go to because it really isn't fair to her to take her to a party and then tell her she can't eat what everyone else is.

[mrspineau]

That's not the norm around here, I don't think I have ever seen a child get offered seconds at a party. I like the idea of my child never ever having sugar, but it's just not going to happen so, I let him indulge a little at a birthday party, or on a hot day with some ice cream once in a while. I don't think anyone is weird who plain does not allow sugar period, but I do think its really weird when kids are allowed to eat junk all the time or whenever they like.

[mamatoablessing]

Definitely not normal where we are. The only time we do cake or cupcakes is at birthday parties. They are not a part of everyday groups and such. Most everyone I know does fruit for playgroups and other kid activities.

[Owen'nZoe]

Not the norm here, either. In fact, at the birthday parties we've had, the kids generally don't even finish their first piece of cake, even though I cut small (1" x 2.5") slices.

That said, I have one son who will stop willingly at 1 piece (and even bring some of that slice home for later) and one son who would eat 3 or 4 if offered. I would have real problems if DS2 were being offered 2 cupcakes at a go multiple times a week.

[mama2mygirl]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

I see parties as a time for overindulgence.

Plus due to slacker RSVPs I never know how many cupcakes are going to be enough so usually end up making 2 boxes (that's 48 cupcakes). If there are leftovers sure I offer another.


I have a child with sugar sensitivities myself so I do understand your frustration but that is why I choose to limit how many parties we go to because it really isn't fair to her to take her to a party and then tell her she can't eat what everyone else is.

I agree and this is why it took me soooo long to say no to two cupcakes. But this isn't just at parties. This is at our normal weekly activities like our homeschooling groups and Daisies and children want to celebrate with their friends. I brought cupcakes myself when it was dd1's birthday to her Daisy troup. (And I actually emailed our small homeschooling group and asked if it was okay with everyone if I had an actual birthday party at our normal homeschool park day. Everyone was fine with it. In both cases, there wasn't actually any left over cake. Well, in the second, one family showed up late and the ten-year-old boys I don't know very well had helped themselves to enormous 2nd slices and finished off the cake before the late family could have any! That was four sad cakeless kids! That's another thread, though.)
I didn't want dd to be the only kid left out but this is just too much.

[AbbieB]

I really do not understand the issue here. Why does anyone care what other members of a group are eating? Isn't that up to the kids and parents to decide?

DD has been to her share of parties and there never has been a restriction on how much she should eat other than everyone gets a piece of cake/a cupcake/a cookie before anyone interested goes back for seconds. I would think it was weird for a host to say no to seconds when there clearly is more to be had.

I do see how it can become a frustration if your weekly social activities all include cake/cupcakes and nothing else. I am envisioning a group that regularly meets at a park to play and the parents bring snacks for the group. If that's the case than why not talk about it with the other parents? Or why not just be sure to bring a healthy treat and let your child know that you expect him or her to eat that? If it's that big of a problem you could also change your schedule and not participate every time.

On the other side of the issue, I have been the parent bringing snacks for the group to a playgroup. Sometimes I bring fruit, sometimes cookies, sometimes something in between on the healthy scale. I'm never offended if a child is not allowed to eat one of my cookies or if a child has 3rds of yummy watermelon.

The only time I can even remember even thinking about it was when the parent of the child being offered a cookie made a huge deal about her family not eating sugar. Goodness lady, say "no thanks" and move on. No need to lecture me on nutrition. It's just a cookie.

[mama2mygirl]

Originally Posted by AbbieB

I really do not understand the issue here. Why does anyone care what other members of a group are eating? Isn't that up to the kids and parents to decide?

DD has been to her share of parties and there never has been a restriction on how much she should eat other than everyone gets a piece of cake/a cupcake/a cookie before anyone interested goes back for seconds. I would think it was weird for a host to say no to seconds when there clearly is more to be had.

I do see how it can become a frustration if your weekly social activities all include cake/cupcakes and nothing else. I am envisioning a group that regularly meets at a park to play and the parents bring snacks for the group. If that's the case than why not talk about it with the other parents? Or why not just be sure to bring a healthy treat and let your child know that you expect him or her to eat that? If it's that big of a problem you could also change your schedule and not participate every time.

On the other side of the issue, I have been the parent bringing snacks for the group to a playgroup. Sometimes I bring fruit, sometimes cookies, sometimes something in between on the healthy scale. I'm never offended if a child is not allowed to eat one of my cookies or if a child has 3rds of yummy watermelon.

The only time I can even remember even thinking about it was when the parent of the child being offered a cookie made a huge deal about her family not eating sugar. Goodness lady, say "no thanks" and move on. No need to lecture me on nutrition. It's just a cookie.

It's not an issue. At least not a hard pressed one in our life.
Like I said in the original post, this isn't one playgroup. It's happening at ALL our activities--mainstream, homeschooled, unschooled, and happens at all birthday parties no matter how crunchy or uncrunchy. People who gave their children NO sugar two years ago and did lecture about it are giving two pieces of cake. Offering it to all the kids before they even ask. So are the mainstream parents. It seemed weird. I wondered if other people had the same experience. Or, in other words, when did two cupcakes become the norm.