Stressed Thinking About the Future

[Dichotomy]

Ive never been much of a planner, but I feel like my "life after birth" is so up in the air. Im slightly anxious over the changes that will be happening, and not knowing where/who I will be after that. Even writing this entry is proving difficult because I feel like I cant find the proper words to explain the thoughts rolling around in my head.



Im still waiting on official documentation on how maternity leave and benefits works at our office. Apparently a document exists, but my manager needs to review it with the physicians to make sure its still current, and then to make any changes as needed. Ive been told the manager meets with the docs on a monthly basis, but that she (manager) has no idea when this next meeting might be.

It would be good information to have.

She wants to know what my plans are for after the birth. Its so hard to know that right now! So Im telling her what I hope is the "politically correct" thing, and stating that I'd like to return to work, but a timeframe is all dependent on what time I'm allowed, what our financial situation is like then, childcare costs, etc. In my heart I would like nothing more than to stay home with the baby for at LEAST the first year, but I know there is no way that could happen if I still want to have a job to go back to. Ideally I'd like to last as long as financially possible without needing to go back to work, but again....if thats 6 months, or however long, I likely wont have a job to go back to.

I just DONT know right now, and I hate not knowing.

Im terrified that I'll have this little baby and have no desire to go back to work. And while I think it may be financially feasible to swing that for a little while (6 months? 12 months?) Im even more scared of job searching when I do want or need to go back. What if it takes me forever to find another good job? What if I dont find another good job?

And so I feel like Im almost forced into going back to work when the company decides I will be ready (whether thats 6 weeks post partum, 3 months, who knows). And then what? If I go back only part time will that even be financially worth it? Cutting my hours in half would mean a paycheck of about 350 every 2 weeks. Is that even worth it? And the thought of putting the baby in daycare....god that worries me to. Theres no way to REALLY know what goes on. Whether its a center, or a friend, or a relative....or even if its Matt....its still not ME. And that kind of scares me (is that irrational? maybe?). My thoughts on child raising are so foreign to the mainstream ideas. How can I find somebody willing to cloth diaper, feed on demand, NOT let the baby cry it out....etc.



All of this just makes me so sad to think about. and I hate not knowing what to do.

[HaikuMommy]

For us it has been a mix of things... we wanted to avoid daycare before age 3 at all costs, so we worked out arrangements for me to work only 3 days a week, and for daddy to be with dd during those 3 days. Was scary to me at first, but now I realize it's been a real trust-builder for our family, and daddy/dd are very bonded which is great! (She is super bonded to me, too.) I have learned to be flexible and know that daddy will take great care of dd, even if he doesn't always do it EXACTLY how I would. Later, it even turned into me working 4 days a week (after she was almost 18 months) because I was making more money than daddy. Still, we have had to cut back on some things (we have only one car, now, for example).

But now that we are having another baby, dh is going to work at a new job, and I'm going to stay home. Things will be even tighter, so I'm exploring multiple ways I can make a little money from home -- making baby items to sell online; learning forms development/programming, which is a more in-demand and higher paid skill than my usual job skills; etc.) It's important to be creative, flexible, and willing to go without the extras if you are intent on your children being raised by their parents and not in daycare.

That said, sometimes it's just not possible. My older daughter was in daycare from almost 2 until she started kindergarten. I really could not make it in life any other way at the time.

Cut yourself some slack -- you will do the best you can, and your child will be greatly loved. Try not to obsess too much, and take it one day at a time until you get more info. Then start brainstorming!

[lilmiss'mama]

Not much advice just some support! We are somewhat in the same boat; except we know I am not going back to work after this baby. What we don't know is how we are going to make ends meet! At least DP is the main breadwinner, but we are will have to do some definite life rearranging to make it work. Honestly, I don't let myself dwell on it much, because I don't want to be stressed out this entire pregnancy. I just have a running mantra...things will work out; it's going to be alright.
I would suggest doing yoga as a way to relax your mind & body.

[xekomaya]

Always tell your work the politically correct "I want to come back" line, unless it is a really small situation where they really depend on you, or you're absolutely sure you won't be coming back. You may find out when they give you the paperwork that you need to work for 30 days after returning from maternity leave to keep the benefits. If you're in the US, you have a right to 12 weeks (at least unpaid) so if you can swing that financially, don't stress yourself out about going back at 6 weeks.

You definitely need all the info before you can make a decision. There are lots of different options depending on what you find out. For us, we were able to afford staying home for about a year so at 7 months I started babysitting another little guy (in home daycare) just 3 days a week. It was such an ideal situation and I made enough to keep us afloat and probably as much as I would have ended up with after tax and child care expenses. That is just one possibility and there are lots more. You'll find one that works!

[Climbergirl]

She only qualifies for the 12 weeks FMLA if her company has more that 50 employees.

Gosh, you sound SO MUCH like me about 3 years ago! It would be so hard to explain what we did, why, and where we are now. I will try to come back and edit this when I have more time.

Whatever you decide, keep your options open.

[Dichotomy]

Climbergirl is right....my company has less than 50 employees, so there is no FMLA available. Im just a receptionist, though, and there are a small group of us that do this job, so there will be ways to cover the time that I wont be there.

Truth is, I will take as much time as my company decides to allow. If its 60 days, or if its more, I plan on utilizing ALL that time, even though a portion will be unpaid, and a portion will be at half-salary. Whatever time I can take and be guaranteed a job still, I will. After that point is kind of up in the air until I know specifics.

Right now DP is working pizza delivery, thanks to the great economy. He's a potential candidate for a tech support position at my mom's work, but we wont know anything about that for another month or two. If he gets the job it would be great, because it will have benefits for him and better pay. But Im NOT sure if he could do it part time (both our jobs would then be M-F). I can do my job part time, and have entertained that Idea...but I would lose my insurance by being a part time employee.

Does anyone know if someone is considered eligible for state insurance if they are working, but not eligible for work-provided benefits due to not working enough hours?

Im sure with a part time schedule we could make things work. I might need to find a family member or even a day care center to watch the baby a couple days a week...but I'd rather do part time than full time. IF I NEED TO go back to work.

Part of me wonders though too...since Im a full time employee, they "have" to let me back after a maternity leave as long as its within their allowed time. A coworker was part time and is just now coming back after being gone for 6 months. She was not guaranteed a place, and is coming back a few weeks later than what she wanted, because she had to wait until we had the availability. Would it maybe be worth "chance-ing it" if i decide to come back later than allowed (say 6 months, or a year) and just wait (hope) that they'll have an eventual availibility?

I guess worst case scenario I could look for a new job once Im ready, and hope that my experience gets me hired? (but its not much....at the time I leave I'll have 2 years experience)


So much unknown....

[lilmiss'mama]

Definitely check with your local Department of Economic Security about the insurance. I work full time, get insurance through work & I still qualify for state health insurance b/c of how much I make. Whether or not you qualify for state aide is based on income (at least in my state) & how many dependents you have. So, if you end up unemployed or under employed, have a child & your DH isn't making much there is a high possibility you could qualify...and even if you don't your child still might.

[RiverSky]

Since you are a receptionist and your time away can fairly easily be covered, I think you should just tell them you plan to be back at either 4 weeks or 12 weeks, depending on how long you are able to be away and not worry about it any further. If you change your mind then, you can tell them after the baby is born.

A receptionist with 2 years experience should easily be able to find another receptionist position, I would think, and I think it will be good for your resume to start with another company and gain new experiences at that point, if your current job isn't able to take you back exactly when you are ready. You can always go with a temporary job place like Kelly Services or Manpower, which can be great fun. Honestly, back when I worked and was in charge of finding receptionists for our company, any competent receptionist would be quickly promoted and recruited into another section of the company. If the company you are currently with doesn't do that, then I think it would be good for you to try to find another company with more upward mobility possible. Good luck!