young kids at homebirth

[smusiak]

part of me wants my kids there
but not sure if 100% on that side
my kids will be 5,4,2
and this my 1st homebirth

anyone eles was in same or is going spot as me thank you

[russsk]

My son will be 2.5 when this baby is born. I would like him there if he wants to be there. And by that I mean, if he's not fussy or fidgety or bored or scared. He loves watching birth videos, so maybe he will be really interested, who knows. I don't want to feel like he is getting in the way or breaking my focus, though, so we will have someone here with him who can take him out and play with him, feed him, put him to sleep, etc.

[MonP'titBoudain]

At dd's birth my son was around. He was 2.5 then. My mom came and her sole responsibility was to act as his birth partner, following his lead (and mine!) as to whether he wanted to be in the room or somewhere else in the house (or if he needed to be somewhere else altogether). It worked great and that is the plan again for this time around. I really recommend having someone there who's only job is to care for the kids. It frees your husband and yourself up to focus on the labor and birth.

[Artichokie]

I was 5 when I was at the birth of my first sister, and she and I were 4 and 10 at the birth of my second sister. Based on my experience as the older child, I highly recommend permitting your kids to be there if they'd like to be. I do suggest that you make sure there is an adult present whose main job is to be there for your kids; to answer their questions, entertain them, and comfort them if they are concerned.

[MonP'titBoudain]

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

I was 5 when I was at the birth of my first sister, and she and I were 4 and 10 at the birth of my second sister. Based on my experience as the older child, I highly recommend permitting your kids to be there if they'd like to be.

That's a great point, too. I was 23mos at the birth of my sister (yes, I remember being there!) and 7 at the birth of my brother. They were both positive, formative experiences for me. I think seeing birth as a normal part of home-life was very much a reason I haven't feared birth myself. They were also clear bonding times with my grandmothers.

[alegna]

My dd was nearly 4 when ds was born. She was there for the whole thing and was very much a part of it. She wasn't disturbed or traumatized in any way.

-Angela

[mizznicole]

I think it depends on the child. There's pretty much zero way I'd let my 2.5 yo in the room with me. His way of dealing with uncertainty is to cling to me and get upset. Maybe when he's older. But I myself don't want any distractions either.

[TabithaB]

I am planning a HB and my son will be 8 at the time. He does not fall into the "young" category anymore, but I am hoping this will be a formative thing. I do intend to have someone there to just to basically tend to him though if things get uncomfortable or he just needs a break from it.

[Galatea]

We had friends come to our house to play with ds1 and ds2 when dd was born, but they stayed in a different room b/c I was not comfortable with them there.

[sarahtdubb]

My son was 2.5 when his baby sister was born (4 months ago). I have to say--having him there when his sister came out, and hearing him giggle and yell "baby! baby!" was, hands down, the best moment of my life. I cry every time I think about it---including right now!!

My mom was there to play with him, take him away when needed, etc. during labor, then they arrived in time for pushing. He cried during one of my contractions, but when it was over I smiled and told him I was ok ("I'm happy, I'm just working very hard") and he came over to rubbed my head and was a total pro the rest of the time. We prepped by watching A LOT of birth videos online so he would see the sights and hear the sounds and know what to expect.

[St. Margaret]

Not BTDT but we're having DD, who will be 3.5, at this birth. She is SUPER excited about the baby, picking the midwife, learning about where the baby comes down, etc. She has said she wants to see it. A midwife we know already told her about how mommies sometimes make funny sounds while birthing, and they mooed together We're thinking of hiring the doula we used last time (hospital birth) to be there just for DD, b/c she'll know how to explain things in ways we'll like that are also kid-appropriate (she has three girls), and when to bring DD in to see the important part

[bluebirdiemama]

I feel ok posting this because there are a lot of mamas here with positive stories. I definitely don't think this is a typical case, but a very close friend of mine was present for the births of her two siblings. She was almost 2, and... I think 4.
To say the least, she was tramatized. There is a lot more to the story, but, just throwing it out there.

I, personally, think it would depend on the child. My 2 yo stayed at Grandmas while my dd was born. He wouldn't have handled it well.

[caedmyn]

I think it's a good idea to have someone there just for the kids so that if they don't want to be there or aren't coping well they can be taken out of the room. My DD was almost 3 when my son was born. She thought it was great. My favorite picture of the birth is right after DS was born in the water...she's behind me with a big grin on her face. I had a couple of people lined up to come be with her but in the end I didn't call anyone and she was fine (I'd figured she would be). My son will be 23 months when this one comes, and I will DEFINITELY be having someone there just for him. He is very attached to me and very high needs, and if he's distracting me or not handling things well I want someone to be able to take him out of the room, or out of the house if necessary. I think he'll be fine as long as he doesn't get into one of his screaming & clinging modes, but we shall see.

[dziwozony]

My 20 month old was present at my homebirth. It was actually really sweet having him with me in early labour, when I would have to stop whatever I was doing during a condraction..I would just close my eyes & pause & breathe for a moment...he would attentively watch & as soon as I opened my eyes & stood upright again he would say "All Done!" & give me a pat, which was so incredibly cute. He was really tuned in!

When we filled the birthing pool, he had fun joining me & brining some plastic animals in with us. It wasn't until late in labour that I couldn't have him near me during the intense contractions, but my partner was there & after the hot water was all sorted, his job was to focus on our son (I didnt' need him for labour support).

The only time my son got stressed was when I made a loud roar while pushing my baby out...he started crying, but his dad was holding him & calmed him down pretty quickly. Then he came over to meet the baby...wasnt too fussed about it & wanted to go back to reading books! But I was glad he was there, & aside from that brief moment of stress, I know he could tell he was part of something important & special.