Detached from my beautiful twins

[ammommyx2]

I am a mother with two twin girls, born 3-1/2 weeks early and now 2 months old. I have professional help around the clock. The few times I have had them without nanny help, they have cried unconcontrollably. I wonder why my nannies (i.e., a day person and a night person, both working independently) can handle them both at the same time with no problems, but I cannot. When I am charged with them both all day without help, they cry all day. Has anyone else experienced this, and why are my nannies able to single-handedly take care of them and I am not? After all, I quit my full time job to take care of my family. It is making me insecure, detached from my babies, and generally feel like a failure. Input/Advice welcome. ...Desperate in Houston

[Solose]

Your nannies have lots of experience with kids, so they probably know well what to do if a child is crying. They also don't have a "stake" in raising your kids so when they cry it probably stresses them out less because they aren't the mother, it's just part of their job. They probably don't take it as personally as you do, kwim? Your twins might be picking up n your stress.
I remember when I had my first child, i was often so panicked because he would be crying and I didn't know what to do or why he was upset. But with my second child I am a bit more sure of myself and I know just what to do to get her to calm down and I am more familiar with the difficult stages so I am not suprised by them.

Speaking of stages, I just wanted to say that the first three months are always very difficult, but after that it gradually gets better. This is what I keep telling myself this time around, that it will get better and my baby will eventually be a toddler who can entertain herself and not need to be held 24/7.

Also, are you nursing? Your babies might be smelling your milk and wanting to latch on when you are holding them, while the know the nanny can't give them that.

[SleeplessMommy]

Originally Posted by Solose

Your twins might be picking up n your stress.

exactly. don't take any baby drying personally. 2 mo. is a fairy cry-inducing age for a baby. the babies will get a little bit bigger each day, and a little bit more smiley and fun.

focus on the positives and find things that make you feel better - walks with babies in stroller, relaxing bath for Mom, counseling or yoga for you. every day will be a little better, and in a few short months they will be sitting up, laughing and grabbing for toys.