sexually active teenager.

[LionessMom]

my DS recently told me that he has been sexually active for at least a month now. he turns 15 in 2 weeks and his gf is a year older than him. they have been dating for at least 2.5 months now. he told me that he is very happy with her and that his first time was special. it was also her first time. we have been talking to him about it for awhile now and he told me he went to the store and bought condoms before they ever did it. since he told me i have taken him to the doc for a screen. bc when you start being sexually active you have to start getting screened.

i told him many times that he wasnt old enough to have sex, that i prefer he wait until he was at least 17 but in the end it is not my decision. it is his decision bc it is his body. i thought i was watching him and his gf close enough. apparently it happened when her parents were watching them too.

i am looking for advice and btdt stories. i am not mad at my son. i am happy for him that his first time was meaningful even though i wish he had waited. how old were your kids and did they tell you.

[~Amy~]

I don't have a teenager (my son is only 2), but I just wanted to say that I think it really says a lot about how well you've parented your son that he is being so responsible and has confided this to you. I hope when my son is a teen that he and I will have relationship like that.

[Sarai18]

DD-1 was 17 and her first time was not great, not in the context of a relationship. She then had a few short-lived relationships, but has now been in a good relationship for a while. I think she just needed to do what she needed to do for whatever reason... but she seems to have gotten it out of her system. She told me after-the-fact, and then went to get tested and started birth control and has been fairly open with me about stuff.

DD-2 is 16 (close to 17), and she and her boyfriend (18) plan to go spend the night in a hotel next weekend and celebrate their 1-year anniversary by losing their virginity together. (They have little privacy at either our home or his - see the "teen couples and privacy" thread.) She's been talking to me about their relationship all along, and started birth control last month in preparation for the big day.

Two girls, two different experiences, but I'm thankful they're both talking to me and not sneaking around like I did! I think you're doing good with your son, too - when they hit their teens we have less and less control over what they do and it becomes more and more important to keep the relationship open.

[MusicianDad]

Not there yet with my own kids, but I was a year younger than your son my first time and even as an adult I don't regret it. From the sounds of it, they actually talked before they did it and they were responsible enough to use protection.

Just keep the lines of communication open so he doesn't start feeling the need to go underground with it all.

[LionessMom]

Thanks everyone. i feel so much better. DH doesnt know. he actually forbid DS. so DS quit talking to him about it. my mom was always open with me about it and i felt i should do the same for my son. DH is uncomfortable about it. DS said "when i am 36 i am going to ask him if i can have sex yet. just to see what he says." i hope DH learns a lesson bc i dont want him acting that way with DDs. we are lucky that DS and I had such a good relationship before i got remarried.

any advice on dealing with DH?

[Sarai18]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

any advice on dealing with DH?

don't know how applicable this would be in your situation, but my dh has needed a little more time to get used to DD-2's relationship than I did - though that may simply be because I've been hearing about what they're doing all along, and he's only heard about the "major" steps.

looks like you have a few years before dealing with this issue with your DDs, so hopefully he'll mellow a bit by then!

[Happiestever]

I suspect you are just going to have to keep it between the two of you (your son and yourself) for now. If he has confided in you that means so much on so many levels. I know my own DH is a covers his ears and goes lalalllalalalallalaaaa when talking about our children and sex. I am not sure how to broach the subject, but I would ask your son what he thinks first. Keep the communication going....

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by Happiestever

I suspect you are just going to have to keep it between the two of you (your son and yourself) for now. If he has confided in you that means so much on so many levels. I know my own DH is a covers his ears and goes lalalllalalalallalaaaa when talking about our children and sex. I am not sure how to broach the subject, but I would ask your son what he thinks first. Keep the communication going....

my son begged me to never tell DH. so.... i wont. DS says he is going to ask DH if it is okay to start having sex.....when he is 34. lol

[Momma Moo Martin]

Originally Posted by ~Amy~

I just wanted to say that I think it really says a lot about how well you've parented your son that he is being so responsible and has confided this to you.

[russsk]

I think its awesome how open your son is with you. I was about his age when I first had sex, and I never talked to my mom about it. She refused to hear anything. When she found a condom in my things she freaked out and begged me to tell her that it wasn't mine. She doesn't know anything about my first kiss, my first time having sex, nothing. With my brother she was much more open and supportive, and I was really jealous of that. I still have a long way to go before DS gets to this point, but I really hope that he feels as comfortable coming to me as your DS does with you. That's huge.

[Kindermama]

All I can say is I lost my virginity when I was 17 and my mom was the second person I told and I resented her for that in time. She was too nonchalant about sex. I wish she encouraged me to wait until marriage (not necessarily for religious reasons either--we weren't religious). I wasn't in love with the boy I was dating and gave birth to my oldest child a couple years later with another young man who abandoned us. I have deep regrets for having sex before I met my husband. Please don't take this personally. I don't mean you should have done anything differently with your son and I personally haven't crossed that bridge with my children so I'm totally non-judgmental about your family. It's just my experience that I felt compelled to share.....teen sex isn't for everyone especially the long-term consequences of it!

[SilverFish]

good for you! I wish my mom had been someone I could talk to about my first sexual experiences.

kindermama, i know what you mean, but there is a fine line between condoning behaviour and driving your children away. i think you can voice your concern and disapproval of certain choices your child is making without condoning their behavior. i could have just as easily gotten pregnant at 17 with a boy i didn't love, and i had parents who were quite vehemently anti sex-before-marriage, and in fact kicked me out of the house at 18 because i was having sex. they never discussed being safe or how to protect myself physically and emotionally if i DID decide to become sexually active. it was just a black and white issue to them.

anyway, to the OP... keep doing what you're doing. i think it's very healthy for him to know that you don't exactly approve, but you'll continue to offer your support.

[punkrockmomma]

I don't have a teenager yet, but I can tell you from my own experience, I was 15 and I was able to tell my mom after it happened, and she didn't freak out, she told me I had to go to the doc. and go on birth control, which I did. Because my mom didn't freak out I felt comfortable being open about the things I was doing as a teenager. I had a very interesting relationship with my mom as a teenager, after this experience she was not only my mom, she became my friend, and I know that because she took this approach with me as a teenager I have a wonderful relationship with her now. I think you handled this amazingly well, good job.

I also wanted to say that I was never in a relationship with the guy I lost my virginity too, but 13 years later, he is still one of my best friends, he has introduced me to many of my really good friends, and he introduced me to my current DP, who I have a 3 year old DD with.