What age for sleepovers?

[momtoTnT]

My dd (will be 5 in August) was just invited to her first sleepover at her best friend from daycare's house. Other than a handful of overnights with my sister and my MIL, and many vacations with us, she's never slept away from home. She's extremely excited and wants to go. I know the mom of the friend from drop offs/pick ups, and don't really have any concerns about her going....but she seems so young!

I don't remember when my first sleepover at a friend's house was, but I know I was in school (maybe 1st or 2nd grade).

My ds (6 yo) just had his first play date with a school friend in May (versus play dates with his friends whose parents I'm friends with), and it was strange for me to drop him off and leave him there. He insisted though that I leave - and it went great.

He's yet to be invited to a sleepover (which is fine - I never expected it to happen in kindergarten or before!), and I don't want his feelings to be hurt. He did ask if he got to go, and I told him no, but maybe we could invite his friend over for a sleepover, or he could have special mom and dad time.

So, am I crazy for letting her go? Is this unusually young (I feel like it kinda is)?

[Grace and Granola]

I think you should go with your gut, knowing your child, the friend, the family, etc.

We have hosted one sleepover with a friend of my 4yo's who was 5 at the time. It went really well. We are very close friends with the family as a whole, so that is why I was totally fine with it, and I think the other mom was too. Tonight we are hosting the same family, but with the 3yo sister too. It is out of necessity that we are helping the other family, and I'm a bit nervous about the 3yo, but hopefully it will be fun for all.

My ds will be 5 in august also, and I think I would be ok with sending him to a sleepover if he was super excited about it and I was completely comfortable with the friend/family. I would also expect to get a phone call at any hour of the night to come pick him up....just in case

[zeldamomma]

I think that's young. Around 8 or 9 is more typical, I think.

There are two downsides to letting her go, as far as I can tell: she may get sad at some point in the night, and you'll have to go get her, or she may not get much sleep, and be a mess the next day. Another possible downside is that she'll have a great time, and want to throw her own sleepover, but that's only a problem if you're like me, and can't imagine wanting to host a sleepover for 5 year olds.

I'm not sure how I feel about sleepovers-- I have a lot of great memories of sleepovers during middle school, but IME, there are far too many tears when younger ones have sleepovers. I prefer daytime parties.

ZM

[sunnysandiegan]

We have a tight-knit playgroup that has been together since the 2001 babies were infants-in-arms. We know the other parents well. DD and one particular girl have really bonded as they've grown. That family and our family have been hosting sleepovers since the girls were 3 or 4 years old. No calls ever. Always well-mannered and a terrific time.

At the younger ages, it was a lot of work to host for us because we have one child and suddenly would have two to entertain and keep track of and feed, etc. For our friends, they have two DDs and the challenging part for them was making sure the older girls included the younger one. (It is always the sister who goes against this. My DD thinks two sisters is grand, even if only for a night/morning.)

Ever since about age 6, the sleepovers here have been SO EASY!!!

[karemore]

It's young to let your DD go to a house you aren't that familiar with.

Is she able to use the phone by herself to call you if she needs to?

I think it's different to have a sleep over with close friend, than just an acquaintance.

I don't of anyone who has started sleepovers before 2nd grade unless it's with close friends and relatives.

[ProtoLawyer]

It varies so much--some kids do sleepovers with Grandma as infants, and with friends as preschoolers, and it works fine. Some freak out at 14.

We tried at age 5, at our house, with my SD's 7-year-old friend. It was a disaster, not because of the 7-year-old (I got the impression you could stick her in a pup tent in the middle of a highway rest stop and she'd be cool with it), but because of our 5-year-old--sobbing that she couldn't go to Mama (Mama lives 90 minutes away, she wouldn't be able to go to Mama anyway, but the sleepover seemed to make things worse), sobbing that she couldn't get snuggled to sleep, sobbing that she couldn't sleep in our bed if she had a guest, etc. It was ugly.

They had a sleepover at the friend's house at 6 and 8. That went much better, except she was a complete wreck the next day.

More recently, at 7 and 9, they had another sleepover--they stayed up all night, and when we picked her up in the morning, it went like this: "SD, are you ready to go?" "Yep. Bye Jade. Thanks."

This summer, we'll let her try a different friend's house. (She's known Jade since she was 2, and I've known Jade's stepfather for 17 years and her mother for maybe 7, so our respective comfort levels were very high. The different friend is relatively new--maybe 2 years?--but we've gotten to know her mom and feel OK with her, too.)

[Drummer's Wife]

DD started at 8, maybe 7 right before she turned 8? She's 9 now, so I'm trying to remember. Anyhow, her sleepovers have been a couple girls who live in our neighborhood, and a friend from school who lives about 10 min. away.

I have a 5 yo DS, and I know he's not ready - but that's just him. I would worry about him too much, even if he was.

[greenmansions]

We are going to try one sometime this year with our across-the-street-neighbors with whom we are close, and the kids have been playing together for years. Our collective kids are 7, 6, almost 5, and 4. Three girls and one boy. This is currently the only scenario under which I would consider this, because we can just run across the street if needed and everyone is very familiar with each other's homes and families. We'll try one at one home, and if it goes well, we'll swap. The goal is to swap on a regular basis for date nights.

I feel that in general, sleepovers could start around 3rd grade age - so maybe age 9-ish. Luckily we are in a small school and are getting to know the families well (plus all parents undergo background checks), so that by 3rd grade I think everyone should be pretty comfortable with it. At this point though, there are no schoolmates I would consider sleepovers with. My kids are just not familiar enough with their homes or parents, though I would be comfortable with a few of the parents.

[Rafman'sMama]

I am wondering the same thing. My little guy is only 3 1/2 now, but one of the kindergartners at his school naively asked if my son could come over for a sleep over. Ha Ha! Of course, I wouldn't let him do this quite yet, but it did start a great discussion about needing to be night time potty trained before he could have a sleepover.

So far he has slept at Grandma's house a few times, and has slept in a tent in our spare room (as of last night). He did well for both of these. I think he would be good for a sleepover as soon as he doesn't wake up to be comforted at night. I think the most important thing would be for your child to have a good relationship with the other child's parents. That way they know for sure they can go to them for comfort or help.

[columbusmomma]

My DS had his first sleepover at age 7. It was with his good friend and our neighbor down the street. Since then they've both slept here or there occasionally. However, I don't think he is ready for a slumber party yet. He's 8 now but it's not like I'm encouraging lots of sleepovers. But what has happened has worked out great!

[momtoTnT]

Thanks for all the input

We've decided that she will not be spending the night after all - she is A-OK with it too - as long as she can still have a play date. When we talked to her about it, we mentioned that if she got scared (to which I got a "I WON'T Mommy!") we live kind of far away and it would take awhile to get to her (30-40 minutes or so), she thought about it and said fine, play date only.

When I talked to the mom to set it up, I also got this strange vibe - she seemed very intent on me not dropping dd off at their house - she wanted to come get her, or wanted to meet me someplace and pick up dd there - I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt (like she was trying to be nice so I wouldn't have to drive so far), but at the same time....that's just not ok with me - I need to see where my dd is playing before I agree to just let her sleep there.