21 month old wants to wean for naps but can't fall asleep!

[sak90027]

Hello-

i'm sort of new around here. i just don't know who to ask for help b/c all i hear is "you're still nursing! you have to stop!" or "you have your toddler sleep on a futon and co-sleep at night? that has to stop!" frankly, these comments only hurt my feelings and are just no help

Anyway, my almost 21 month old would really like to stop nursing to sleep for naps. currently we're down to 3 times a day. once in the morning, 2nd for nap and 3rd for nursing to bed at night. today he refused the breast and said "no more milk mama, back" and when i tried to put him on he had a big fit yelling "no milk no milk!" i'm fine with him not wanting to nurse but we haven't figured out how to fall asleep without it. today it took him 1.5 hrs to fall asleep for nap. at the end he gave into breast feeding and i know he wasn't into it. i'd really like to help him fall asleep w/out the breast but can't seem to find the right way.

i can't just leave him in his crib b/c he sleeps on a futon on the floor in his room which we co-sleep together at night. so as you can guess he gets up and starts to play. he never liked his crib and after failed attempts at sleep training, we decided the futon was the best place for him to sleep (and he sleeps thru the night only on the futon). does anyone have any suggestions? i tried rubbing his back and he seems to like it but after 10 minutes he's still giggling and awake. thanks. i'm all out of ideas. exhausted.

[annettemarie]

Moving to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy

[bettyjones]

music
white noise
books
baby proof room and put up baby gate

Good luck. My dd is stuck on motion. Big stroller/carseat napper.

[TiredX2]

Is there a chance he just needs a later nap? Is he getting ready to skip the nap altogether? Did you wean him down to those three times so he thinks that by saying he doesn't want to nurse that means he won't have to nap? Have you tried offering other times?

[Ruthla]

Is the child hearing other adults talk negatively about nursing? Toddlers generally don't get the idea of "no nurse Mommy!" all by themselves. A natural weaning progression is more likely to consist of shorter nursing sessions rather than outright refusals. You need to let him know that he's NOT too old to nurse, and those who say otherwise don't know very much about nursing. My son weaned when he was 4, and co-slept until 5 or so. What you're doing sounds 100% normal and natural to me.

He could be outgrowing his nap. Or he could be going through a stubborn "I don't want to nap" phase, and since he's associated nursing with naptime, he's refusing to nurse to avoid his nap. If you tried offering the breast more often, when it's not naptime, he might get over that aversion (and actually fall asleep nursing if he is indeed tired.) You can even say to him "let's nurse now, you don't have to take a nap".

[Nova0929]

I actually feel there are many "natural, normal" ways that children stop breastfeeding, and that there is not a "problem" with your child wanting to stop nursing for naps. It is not "unnatural" for him to decide he wants to stop nursing for naps. If he has decided he doesn't want to nurse for naps, then you don't have to convince him otherwise, and you don't have to persuade him to nurse other times in the day. Sounds like you want to support his choices, which is a beautiful thing.

I agree with:
music
white noise
books
baby proof room and put up baby gate

I have a friend who says, "Okay, if you don't want to nap at least you have to stay in your room and be quiet." Her room is babyproofed with no stimulating toys etc in it. Eventually the child falls asleep, sometimes in odd locations!