My original thread about the girl that attacked her last year:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=1103216&highlight=
(I had actually forgotten how bad it was
)
Well, Riley and this girl P got into a fight again two days ago after a period of being friends. It was more borderline than the fight last summer. The other girl "started it" but in my estimation, Riley (and P) had ample opportunity to end the fight and get an adult, but she chose to continue the fight. I explained to her that it's only okay (in our book) to fight back as long as it takes to get away and get a parent, that the object of fighting is to free yourself, not to hurt the other person more than necessary. I thought she understood this. In both instances, P got the short end of the stick and Riley emerged unscathed. I think this gave Riley a rush and a power trip, because now she is really flexing her muscles with the neighborhood kids and with my younger DD. She's always been a take-charge type prone to hitting, but it's getting really mean-spirited and manipulative. She is taking any slight as a reason to "defend herself." If a girl grabs her shirt, she'll punch back. I don't like what I'm seeing and need advice on where to take this and how to approach and resolve it.
I do blame myself for some of this, because after the fight 2 days ago, I thought that Riley just didn't understand the fine line where defending yourself becomes willfully fighting, and although we had a serious talk she was not punished. I thought it was just a misunderstanding and that defending yourself needed a clearer explanation. Now I think that if she had had some consequences two days ago, she wouldn't be acting this way now.
Help me please!
ETA: I heard from a neighbor that P's parents were fighting a lot last summer (on the verge of divorce), had just moved out of state, and had a baby, so I chalked P's behavior last summer up to that and gave her the benefit of the doubt, which I obviously shouldn't have done. This neighbor also told me that P told her that her mom is too busy with her little sister to "deal with it" (whatever "it" happens to be at the time) and that her mother says so in those words. I know the parents will not be helpful, so this needs to be handled on our end only. We are moving in 2.5 months, so just to tide us over until then!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=1103216&highlight=
(I had actually forgotten how bad it was
)Well, Riley and this girl P got into a fight again two days ago after a period of being friends. It was more borderline than the fight last summer. The other girl "started it" but in my estimation, Riley (and P) had ample opportunity to end the fight and get an adult, but she chose to continue the fight. I explained to her that it's only okay (in our book) to fight back as long as it takes to get away and get a parent, that the object of fighting is to free yourself, not to hurt the other person more than necessary. I thought she understood this. In both instances, P got the short end of the stick and Riley emerged unscathed. I think this gave Riley a rush and a power trip, because now she is really flexing her muscles with the neighborhood kids and with my younger DD. She's always been a take-charge type prone to hitting, but it's getting really mean-spirited and manipulative. She is taking any slight as a reason to "defend herself." If a girl grabs her shirt, she'll punch back. I don't like what I'm seeing and need advice on where to take this and how to approach and resolve it.
I do blame myself for some of this, because after the fight 2 days ago, I thought that Riley just didn't understand the fine line where defending yourself becomes willfully fighting, and although we had a serious talk she was not punished. I thought it was just a misunderstanding and that defending yourself needed a clearer explanation. Now I think that if she had had some consequences two days ago, she wouldn't be acting this way now.
Help me please!
ETA: I heard from a neighbor that P's parents were fighting a lot last summer (on the verge of divorce), had just moved out of state, and had a baby, so I chalked P's behavior last summer up to that and gave her the benefit of the doubt, which I obviously shouldn't have done. This neighbor also told me that P told her that her mom is too busy with her little sister to "deal with it" (whatever "it" happens to be at the time) and that her mother says so in those words. I know the parents will not be helpful, so this needs to be handled on our end only. We are moving in 2.5 months, so just to tide us over until then!
