Older 1st time mamas: did you lose your childless friends? - Page 2

[LROM]

Thanks Poppan. I have to say, in my gut, that really feels like what happened. But I wanted to ask others, see if I was missing something. I think some of what others have said may also play into this (espcially since it was 4 different friends - each has somewhat different life situations re: this whole "partner child" thing). But in my heart what you say feels the most true.

I do need to not take it personally, no matter what actually - even if it was personal I'd need to find a way not to take it that way. Thank you for that reminder.

The only way to handle this situation with grace and love for the great people they are (even when they're avoiding me) is to try to not take it personally and just try to check in with just a hello and "thinking about you" once or twice a year. That's what I'll try to do, and hopefully they'll come back around.

And congrats to you, I see from your sig Poppan that you had twins in '07 so looks like things worked out for you as well! Congrats! Did you have any friends disappear from you the way you had to from your new mom friends? I can totally understand that.

[poppan]

The only way to handle this situation with grace and love for the great people they are (even when they're avoiding me) is to try to not take it personally and just try to check in with just a hello and "thinking about you" once or twice a year. That's what I'll try to do, and hopefully they'll come back around.

Yes, this exactly. Let them know the door is open -- I think that is the best thing you can do. I did go back to friends I avoided when I had kids of my own and was over my temporary insane jealousy and could be a friend again.

Thanks for the congrats -- my IVF twins. Ironically enough I did lose one friend that I had made on the infertility journey when I got pregnant and she did not. But I understood exactly where she was. We weren't such good friends that I expected her to come back though and it was awkward enough that I didn't exactly keep the door open either. If we had gone back farther and had known each other better, I like to think I would have made a greater effort. But as it stood I felt like I was pushing my "success" in her face and just followed her lead--when she cancelled and then subsequently no longer contacted me, I didn't seek her out either.