Need some encouragement (quit smoking)

[workjw]

I just quit smoking, and I could really use some encouragement from someone who's btdt. I had actually set my quit date for next week, but Sat I found a cigarette in the ashtray that ds (6) had written the word "love" on, and it totally broke me down. For the first time I really wanted to quit, and I knew that I would have my best shot if I stopped right then and there, so I did.

Fast forward 4 days later and here I am. I have not had a cigarette, not one. I'm really proud of myself (a little surprised to be honest!) and I feel like at this point I can keep going (have to keep going) but I'm totally miserable. Depressed, frustrated, angry and just plain old annoyed. DH has been super supportive, but he's never been a smoker so I know he doesn't get it. I can't sleep, I have zero appetite (which I didn't expect) and I just want to cry all the time. I want a cigarette so badly and that is all I think about no matter how busy I stay. I know that if I smoke I will feel better physically (obviously short term), but I also know that it would start that same cycle all over so I'm committed to quitting, but I don't know how long I can do this. I should also mention that I'm surrounded by smokers at the farm where I work which is also making this more difficult.

fwiw, I actually quit years ago when I was pregnant with ds, but it was different and MUCH easier. Maybe b/c I was already puking my guts out and miserable from morning sickness, maybe b/c I knew it was unsafe for the babe. Either way, this is a whole different monster. I just need to hear that this will eventually get better, and hopefully soon. That eventually I will quit spending every moment wishing I had a smoke. How did you deal with the anger and sadness? And why do I feel sad to begin with? Like I'm being forced to give up something I love... how ridiculous is that?

[MariaMadly]

No advice, but wanted to send my best. It's such a bitch but worth doing!

[A&A]

Originally Posted by MariaMadly

No advice, but wanted to send my best.

[busymama77]

I've been cigarette free for over a year now. I quit smoking right before we conceived our 2nd child and haven't had once since. I think a lot for me was a), I became pregnant and b) when I was pregnant, i couldn't stand the smell anymore. My mom is a smoker and just being around her, in her car, at her house, sharing clothes, etc., would make me gag. And now, I still cannot stand the smell and therefore it's completey unappealing to me anymore.
DH has had a couple probably in the past few months after having a few drinks, he would come home and I would ask him to shower - the smell was just too much.
I was what you call a 'social smoker'. I only smoked if we were out with friends, at a bar, concert, whatever and I had a beer in my hand. It just seemed natural. I stopped being a 'full time' smoker right before I became pg with my first child but went back to only being a social smoker 4 months after he was born.

So while my situation is different than yours, I've certainly BTDT in quitting and can honestly say regardless if you're a full time or social smoker - it's tough. But what keeps me from lighting up again is that I'm tired of the smell, the toxins stick to your clothes and can be passed on to your kids and it's just overall not the right choice to make.
I never dealt with any sort of anger or sadness. I think I became just too busy and focused on my kids that I didn't have time to feel that way. And my appetite has NOT increased like some people say it will. I'm working out daily now, eating healthy, just being active and really focusing on my body now - now that I've quit and now that we're done having kids.

My mom is in the process (I think) of quitting. She's going through some program at her work where a counselor calls her everyday to check on her. Maybe that's an option for you? A buddy that can check on up on to see how you're doing?

I wish you nothing but the best!! And keep up the good work in being cigarette free for 4 days. That is amazing progress and you should be proud of yourself!

[Caneel]

Oh boy, have I EVER BTDT! I recently quit again this spring, right around Easter.

I recently wrote about this on another thread. DH and I both smoked our entire adult lives, sometimes at the same times, sometimes only one of us was smoking, sometimes we both were smoke-free at the same time.

I completely understand the following -

Originally Posted by workjw

Fast forward 4 days later and here I am. I have not had a cigarette, not one. I'm really proud of myself (a little surprised to be honest!) and I feel like at this point I can keep going (have to keep going) but I'm totally miserable. Depressed, frustrated, angry and just plain old annoyed. DH has been super supportive, but he's never been a smoker so I know he doesn't get it. I can't sleep, I have zero appetite (which I didn't expect) and I just want to cry all the time. I want a cigarette so badly and that is all I think about no matter how busy I stay. I know that if I smoke I will feel better physically (obviously short term), but I also know that it would start that same cycle all over so I'm committed to quitting, but I don't know how long I can do this. I should also mention that I'm surrounded by smokers at the farm where I work which is also making this more difficult.

It does get better. At day 4, you should be over the worst of the physical withdraw.

Originally Posted by workjw

How did you deal with the anger and sadness? And why do I feel sad to begin with? Like I'm being forced to give up something I love... how ridiculous is that?

I loved smoking. I loved everything about it. The process, the rush, the comfort of the habit, the relaxation, my silver lighter..... I understand your feelings of sadness.

Why do you feel sad? My theory is that what so many people don't understand is smoking can be a reward to yourself. It is the time you sit down for some "me time", the treat after you have cleaned up the kitchen, the social lube when you take a break at work, etc.

Your mad because that treat is being taken away from you, even though it is your choice to break the habit/addiction. I think it is a very common feeling and completely validated.

Hear is to hoping you make it to Day 5!

Nicotine therapy can be very helpful. I have mixed feelings about it as I replaced a smoking habit with a raging nicotine gum habit. But used properly, replacement therapy can really work.

[Raine822]

btdt myself. Remind yourself often that this will pass and you WILL feel amazing. For me food tasted incredible after about a month of quitting. I felt wonderful in very little time(I could breathe!). Keep you goals in mind!(My main thought was how I felt like a slave to smoking).

Things that helped me:
-take a walk/exercise
-DH would rub my shoulders
-we installed a program on the computer that kept a tab of how much money was saved.
-I put the money away I would have spent on smokes to but myself something nice
-I clung to smoking as a crutch when i needed a break(I never smoked in the house)-I would go to my smoking place with a book or mp3 player instead when I needed a break.

Congratulations on quitting-if you need anything let me know.

[brittneyscott]

I understand how you feel. One thing that I'm looking at to try to quit smoking again is the e cigarette starter kit. It's a nicotine replacement therapy. A friend has the Blu kit and loves it. I think it will help me a lot. I definitely get the mood swings and issues when I quit. Caneel hit it right on with the "me" time. Its relaxing to get away for a few minutes and smoke a cigarette. I think with the e cigarette kit I'll be able to finally stop. Good luck to you. Its always a good idea to quit smoking.

[Caneel]

those e-cigs seem to work on the same principle as Nicotrol inhalers.

Years ago, I used a combination of Zyban and Nicotrol inhalers and it worked. That was the time I quit for 2.5 years. It also was the time I went through a major depression, a mourning over the thought of quitting. The pity party I threw for myself in the days leading up to my quit date was increbile, embarassing really.

[ms.shell]

yay mama, I am proud of you not smoking.
just be persistant in not smoking and you will be a successful quitter.

i need to do it too. last time i quit i started again because of feeling so bad but it is my understanding that the worst of it passes much quicker if you do it without the nicotine replacement (i was wearing patches). I totally understand how scary and incredibly hard it is and how much an addicted smoker depends on those smokes and becoming a nonsmoker is in a way like a death....that is why you are so sad. i guess you need to grieve and tears can certainly be healing. I know I would much rather go through that pain now than by dying in suffering and sickness earlier than I should. My ds told me the other day that I better quit so I can be a grandma, and that Ihad already lost my chance to get to be a great grandma. I have smoked for like 18 years or something and so he may very well be right about that- BUT our bodies CAN heal (mostly, at least, I guess) but not if we smoke.
I joined this thread to encourage you and to encourage myself to get on with this. Guess I need to set a date.
So YAY Miss lady, for you, for doing what you need to do (i know it is SO hard; I hope you will be feeling radiantly shiny and better soon)....you are an inspiration! Congratulations and stick with it, mama!

[workjw]

Thank you so much for all of the support and encouragement! You guys are so great!!! I'm on day 5 and still hanging in there. I keep expecting it to get easier, and so far it's still pretty stinkin hard. The cravings have gotten much better, but I still long for it, yk? It still kind of catches me by surprise every now and then. Like today I got the kids off to VBS I thought, finally I can have a smoke and then it hit me.... you don't smoke anymore! Ughhhh! So while the physical stuff is getting better (which is a huge plus!) it's the mental stuff I'm fighting with now I guess.

Originally Posted by Caneel

I loved smoking. I loved everything about it. The process, the rush, the comfort of the habit, the relaxation, my silver lighter.....

This is definitely me. If it weren't for my kiddos I would never quit. I realize that is kind of sad, that I don't care enough about my own health to quit, but there it is.

Originally Posted by Caneel

The pity party I threw for myself in the days leading up to my quit date was increbile, embarassing really.

Yeah, I kind of robbed myself of that by quitting a week earlier than my original quit date. I would have been smoking non-stop this week if I had waited, and I'm sure that would have just made it more difficult, so that probably worked out for the best. But I do still feel a little angry that I didn't get that week to smoke like crazy.

Originally Posted by ms.shell

My ds told me the other day that I better quit so I can be a grandma, and that Ihad already lost my chance to get to be a great grandma.

Kids are so honest, and so hard aren't they? DS told me I should love him more than I loved my cigarettes and that if I did I would quit. That's when he left me the cigarette with love written on it. Totally broke my heart, especially when I realized he was right. It's been a real bummer to quit, but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't wait to get there, and you can too!!! Join me, we can be miserable together... and then really proud of ourselves together!

Originally Posted by busymama77

I still cannot stand the smell and therefore it's completey unappealing to me anymore.

I wish I was there. I can walk by one of the guys smoking at the farm and my first instinct is to walk up close so I can suck in some second hand smoke. Crazy, I know!

Thanks again for all of the encouragement. I have definitely found physical activity to be a good outlet for me, so one bonus is that I'll be in better shape once I reach the other side! I'm a little nervous about this weekend since we have a bunch of social things to attend where I know there will be lots of alcohol and smoking. I've given up the booze for a while until I get the not smoking under control, so that will be a little difficult. I don't drink a lot, but when I drink I smoke... a LOT, so it's just best to avoid it. I guess we'll see how it goes...

[Caneel]

There are times when I sort of forget I am not smoking. Like when I get in the car and reach down to the cup holder and find it empty or drive past the store where I always bought cigarettes. And then all of a sudden I remember "oh I am not smoking anymore"

Originally Posted by workjw

I'm a little nervous about this weekend since we have a bunch of social things to attend where I know there will be lots of alcohol and smoking. I've given up the booze for a while until I get the not smoking under control, so that will be a little difficult. I don't drink a lot, but when I drink I smoke... a LOT, so it's just best to avoid it. I guess we'll see how it goes...

Every single time I started smoking AGAIN was when I was drinking and around other smokers. I know what a trigger that can be.

[workjw]

Originally Posted by Caneel

Every single time I started smoking AGAIN was when I was drinking and around other smokers. I know what a trigger that can be.

Yeah, I've gotten down to 1 or 2 cigarettes a day a number of times and then totally wrecked it by having a few beers. Apparently me and moderation are not very good friends, I seem to be an all or nothing kind of gal. I hope to eventually be able to have a drink again, but I don't think I can risk it so soon.

[bluebirdiemama]

Good luck! It's hard to quit but totally worth it. I haven't smoked in over 3 years and I am still tempted sometimes. But when I think about it it is just not worth it to smoke. I feel so much healthier, I can inhale deeply and exercise. I quit before my kids were born, but I know if I were smoking it would really affect them. We have friends w 2 kids, and the dad smokes and the kids hate it.
You will be so happy about havng quit, after you get through the tough part! Hang in there!

[ms.shell]

I've given up the booze for a while until I get the not smoking under control, so that will be a little difficult. I don't drink a lot, but when I drink I smoke... a LOT, so it's just best to avoid it.

That's really smart; I am glad you realized this before your party. I managed to quit for a full month once and it might would have been for good if it hadnt been for my getting a little drunk at a ball and picking them back up while my judgement was impaired.

I am so happy for you that you are finished for good with those nasty death sticks and are healing already. Good for you, Mama!

[SoulCakes]

Congratulations!!! Six days is AWESOME--you're over the worst of it (kind of... it all kind of sucks!). I've totally BTDT, just quit May 2nd. It's so hard! I think I spent two days in bed just bawling my eyes out (no real reason, I just decided that everything in life just sucked). Quitting is hard!

You need to get over to the About.com Quitting Forum and join the June Quitter's group. The people there are SO AWESOME and so supportive and are going through their quits right along with you. That place was a lifesaver for me.

Again, congratulations! You should be so proud of yourself for making it this far. You can do it!

[workjw]

It's day 6, and I'm finally beginning to feel almost normal (whatever that is! ). I actually got some pretty good sleep last night for the first time all week and it has made a BIG difference. This has also been the first morning that I didn't wake up and immediately think of a cigarette. I'm still a little nervous about tonight, but I volunteered to be the designated driver for dh and some friends, so at least I know I won't be tempted to drink.

Hope no one minds that I'm still updating, but it helps to get it out there. It's encouraging to see all the quitters out there that have made it and stayed quit. I've actually been surprised at the lack of support that I have IRL. Most of my smoker friends have actually been pretty crappy about it. One of my very best friends (or so I thought) actually told me to call her next week when I was "over it and smoking again".

Thanks again for the encouragement, and thanks for the link SoulCakes, I'll check it out!

[SoulCakes]

Originally Posted by workjw

One of my very best friends (or so I thought) actually told me to call her next week when I was "over it and smoking again".

This is EXACTLY why the about.com forum exists - you need people in your life that believe in you and are going through it right along with you! Non-smokers don't get it, other smokers are jealous and bitter (I remember being like that, too... I was shamefully but secretly glad before I quit when other people would relapse and start smoking again). Don't let her get to you. Surround yourself with positive quitters!

Oh, and I meant to add, update away! It's great to have a place to put it all out there. Keeping a quit journal is great, too, because then you can look back in a week, a month, and a year and think, wow, look how far I've come!

[MariaMadly]

How was your weekend, OP?

[ivymae]

I'm so proud of you for getting this far! Think of it like labor: there are moments where you KNOW you can't do it, you are going to die, you just need a break, you don't know whose idea this was but you hate them, etc, but you keep at it, and you get something amazing in the end. You are in transition right now, maybe even pushing. Keep at it, you are gaining years and years of your life.

(I've never quit smoking, but i watched my mom try for 15 years. She lost her battle with lung cancer when I was 18 - she was only 42. We used to hide her cartons of cigarettes, pool our allowance to buy her those fake cigarettes, and make up cheerleading songs when she was actively quitting. She tried, so very hard, but couldn't do it. I am under no illusion that it is easy, but it is worth it. Believe me. Your children will be so proud of you.)

[greenluv]

I quit 2 years ago and the first 3 days were the hardest for me.

Once those 3 days were over, I started to feel more "normal". One thought I hung onto was that If I had known as a teenager that smoking was going to change my brain chemistry, I never would have started! Add to that the knowledge of how the cig companies were making money off me killing myself. I wasn't willing to keep paying for the privilege.

I did some aversion therapy by searching google images for smokers lung and lung cancer.

These days I can tell a mile off if someone is a smoker. The stench of it speaks for them-even if they think they don't reek, they absolutely do.

There are MANY pluses to quitting! Your skin will perk up and your hair will change, too. I used to have a link to a page with all the benefits of quitting on a week by week basis. It was basically a list of all the things in your body that were healing and changing and returning to their non-smoking state.

Being a quitter isn't ALWAYS a bad thing!