How do I get over having to have a c-section?

[proudmama4]

I'm 36.5 weeks pregnant w/ twins, and both are breech. I'm scheduled for a c-section on Tuesday. We have an appt w/ the OB today, and if he thinks babies are OK (there were some questions w/ last u/s), then we're hoping to push it back another week.

I've been doing everything to get them to turn (or at least twin A), but so far no luck.

I am quite distraught over the idea of having a c-section. When ever I think about it, I just start crying uncontrollably. No one around me understands. My husband is compassionate, but I know he things I'm over reacting. And all my "natural birth" friends and family live far away. Everyone around me just doesn't get it.

I want the birth of my babies to be a happy occasion, but I'm really having a hard time with this reality.

Any advice?

[KatWozBlue]

the birth of your babies IS a happy occasion, you are having twins and that is amazing. I know its not the way you want them to come out, but think of it has the way it needs to be done to ensure that you get birthdays and first steps and lack of sleep, this is what they need and as parents we sacrifice everything to make sure our kids are happy and healthy.

You are of course nervous about the c section and apprehensive and have a million emotions going thru your head and heart, but you have to focus on happy and healthy babies, ultimately it is not going to affect what kind of mother you are, or what kind of relationship you have with them, or how much you are going to enjoy parenting them.

Just try to focus on the end result, the babies and don't be so hard on yourself for having these emotions, hello you are pregnant! you are about to have twins! you are a super star! you deserve a good cry and then you will do what needs to be done because you are the mommy!

[JessicaS]

I am so sorry. It can be very difficult to face surgery wishing things were otherwise. You can find a lot of information here about c/s birthplans and how to make sure your wishes and needs are adhered to.

Just because you have to have a surgical birth doesn't mean it HAS to be awful.

I don't know if it is easier or harder knowing so far ahead of time that one might be facing surgery, in a lot of ways it is both.

But at least with foreknowledge you can be more prepared

Here is a thread here on Mothering regarding c/sections and helping people prepare for them

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=401645

[CI Mama]

I want to echo PP: the birth of your babies IS a happy occasion!

A c-section is not what you want, but it is not an automatic ticket to trauma & misery. Women have a broad range of experiences with c-section, and if you page through the forums, you will find many threads that talk about c-section from many different perspectives. I know there was one within the last month from another mom who was reconciling herself to a necessary c-section and got lots of great advice & support.

And you don't have to entirely give up on natural approaches. Although the birth will be surgical, there are plenty of things surrounding the birth that you can do naturally. It may still be possible to have skin-to-skin contact with your babies right away, to room in with them, initiate breastfeeding right away, etc. Having time to plan ahead will help you learn what those things are, how to talk to your HCP about them, and how to advocate for yourself.

Big hugs to you, mama, and good luck with everything! Keep us posted!!!

[Gena 22]

Aaacchhh! Just had a long heartfelt reply erased!

OK, here are the highlights in the moments I've got.

There is a chance your babes will turn. Give them as much time as possible for that, and for development. Show you OB this study:

http://www.uptodate.com/home/content...=labordel/5122

As for positioning - the problem is that there are so few providers who are willing and EXPERIENCED enough to deliver a breech Baby A. I know it can be done, and I know two mothers who've have, but they are the exception. There are a tiny handful of providers in the US who I'd trust for this. Very, very few. Twin birth is normal, but few enough OBs are experienced with vaginal twin birth, or with vaginal breech birth, much less both. I'm with you and went way, way, way out of my way to have my best shot at a vaginal twin birth. But having done so I'm even more humble. I know from first hand how important it is to have a skilled provider.

In some ways you're lucky. You and your twins are healthy, but in a position where you know that for the safety of delivery you are likely to need a surgical delivery. Take this advance notice as an advantage. Talk to ICAN, talk to the Parenting Multiples board here. Lot of twin moms have c/s, many of them wanted to avoid it, but many are also positive about the experience.

I know this is not what you want. Feel free to grieve over the loss. For good and bad, your situation is pretty clear. Fortunately you have some time to come to terms and prepare.

Best wishes!

[turnquia]

As a mama pregnant with twins I couldn't help but read this and send over some BIG HUGS.

I want to also add a big of positive. A friend of mine waited until she went into labor for her C-Section or it was going to be at 38 weeks. She did wait until labor at 35 weeks and her boys had both been breech for quite some time. But her body going into labor..... BOTH flipped head down. She was able to get her med/intervention free VBAC! (Her first set of twins were born via CS)

So just FYI stay positive and maybe see if doc will wait a little longer on section (Unless its medically necessary) and who knows maybe baby A will flip around!

Either way, it will be ok no matter how they are born.

[Galatea]

Well, there are options for twin breech birth, though like Gena said, you will have to go way out of your way to find them, and only you know if you want to do that.

I think it is important that you just feel your feelings and not try to conform to what your husband or family thinks you should feel. Don't even worry about getting them to understand. You are entitled to your own feelings, and trying to rationalize them away won't work. Eventually, they will pass, and you will get to peace with them, but you have to feel them first.

[MammaB21]

Can I ask why your OB wants to go ahead with the section before labor starts? It's always better to wait for labor to start naturally. That way, you know your babies are ready to come out. They'll be able to benefit from the hormones your body produces during labor, and like a PP said, there is always a chance baby A could still turn (even once labor has started).

What things have you tried so far to get baby to turn? I've heard acupuncture and seeing a chiropractor can be very effective. Also, I know doing a version with twins can be more risky, but that might be something you would be willing to try when you get a little closer to your due date. (Just throwing suggestions out there in case you haven't done these things already).

On any note, good luck and I hope your birth experience is what you hope it will be. I agree with the advice to get a birth plan set up for a csection birth before hand. Maybe knowing exactly how it will go and having a plan in motion will help you to be more relaxed about the possibility.

[momtoafireteam]

5 years ago (almost to the day!!) I had my twins by elective c/s due to positioning. Of course I didnt want a c/s, but I chose it because it was necessary. And it was AMAZING. A magical beautiful experience and I had two gorgeous babies. I have had c/s's since that were not that way because the circumstances werent the same, so I get c/s disappointment. But for me, and for you, these types of scenarios are why we are so lucky c/s's exist. This is the safest and best way for your babies to be born right now. Good luck, and congratulations on your upcoming double arrival!!

[proudmama4]

Thanks ladies. I'm already feeling a lot better this afternoon. We had an appt w/ my doctor today. He agreed to let me go 38 weeks. I know it's just a week, but I had this goal from finding out we had twins to go 38 weeks. So the fact that I can, makes me feel a whole lot better. So at least one of my goals will be met. I also feel that 38 weeks will give the babies every chance to turn, and I will feel better about the c/s.

Thanks for the links everyone. I do know that c/s is best if they stay breech, and I wouldn't want a vaginal delivery in that case. I've just been disappointed in the situation.

[Beccasteve03]

Momma! It is okay to be disappointed! Give yourself a break and time to accept the way they will be born. My first was a c-section for being breech. I definitely wanted a healthy baby, but it was very hard to give up my natural birth dream. I cried a LOT, the WHOLE week up to his birth, during his birth, and then every day for months afterward, but time does have a way of healing. I don’t think I will ever be fully okay with they way he was born, but it has made me a stronger woman. I just had my little girl, 6 weeks ago, at home and her HBAC was another step in the healing process. It’s a journey, for some people it’s a long one others it’s short. Finding people who will really listen and who understand helps a lot. I had a hard time because everyone I talked to about my disappointment (mom & sisters) always said “All that matters is a healthy baby.” I started saying back to them, that of course I agreed, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything had happened to him, but I also needed to feel healthy, and I wasn’t in a good place mentally. I started talking to the other mommas at www.ican-online.org and they along with the mommas on the VBAC board helped me SO MUCH because they understood. If you ever want to talk just pm me.

[SalmonBayDoula]

I am sorry that you are not getting to have the birth you have envisioned!

some thoughts, you might look (far and wide??) for a provider who will do breech vaginal birth of twins (in hospital or out?)

also, if the babies are going to come by cesarean, it might be helpful to go into labor with them, as others have said.

Finally, find out what you can about having the best cesarean possible! check out www.ican-online.org and drill down to your local chapter, and contact them. They can provide lots of information about c/s, recovery and great c/s plans!

You can write up a very family centered birth plan, maybe preserving some of the things that are important to you.

I was just at a twin birth that was a planned c/s for position, and we got BOTH babies skin to skin with mama in the OR, licking and tasting the breast (not actually nursing!)

Warm wishes for a powerful birth and healthy babies!
Sharon

[Smokering]

I'm sorry. When I found out I had to have a hospital induction - not even a C-section, but a kiss goodbye to my natural home waterbirth, you know? - I was devastated, and my sister blithely texting "Ooh how exciting, yay!" made me livid and upset.

I second the rec for acupuncture - I have read lots of stories about how it helped turn babies, although I'm not sure how it works for twins. Worth investigating though, right?

Congrats on having made it this far with twins! I hope you can find peace with whatever happens, and focus on the positives - and yes, there ARE some positives! - of a C-section if that's what it comes down to.

[P.J.]

Don't know if the OP is still pregnant and reading this, but:

I had planned a home water birth, and ended up with a cesarean...that was only four weeks ago. It was a long and difficult labor, and having my birth dreams crushed was devastating. I know (somewhat) how you feel. And it really is insensitive when people say "The healthy baby is the only thing that matters"...yes, it's the most important thing, obviously, but your feelings matter too! I hope you can find support, both here and offline. I personally am getting some therapy and bodywork to help work through the difficult emotions following the birth.

However, I wanted to also say something very positive: even amongst all the trauma and drama of my baby's birth, the moment they pulled him out of me, the first cries I heard, and then moments later as my husband brought him over to me and we just lay there head-to-head....it was a transcendental moment, one of the most precious of my life. I was in bliss! Luckily, I was at a "Baby Friendly" hospital, and my baby was on me skin to skin from moments after birth for the whole rest of the day, and we roomed-in for the rest of the time. If you can, make sure your docs/hospital are on board for this, if it's available, it makes all the difference.

You may be disappointed and it may take some effort and time to heal emotionally from the c-section, but it can still be a magical, happy birth experience, even amongst the challenges.

I hope you can keep us posted. Sending you lots of support and a hug.

[sncmom]

Speaking as someone whose baby has a brain injury worsened by the delay getting me to a c-section, I think it is really important to keep your eye on the prize. I soooooo regret having a midwife who kept reassuring me that my baby was fine when she wasn't. So many people have healthy babies these days that it seems trite to focus on that as a goal. The birth is a tiny, tiny, miniscule portion of your experience of motherhood. Caring for a child with a hypoxic brain injury is emotionally, physically and financially draining beyond belief. And while caring for a healthy baby or two can also be exhausting, it will be nothing like my experience with DD2.
The goal of birth is to get the babies out safely. While mom having a positive experience is nice, it isn't the only thing that matters. And several years out, it will matter even less. Don't mean to be too much of a downer, but I do think it is important to remember why you got pregnant in the first place-- to raise beautiful babies, not to have an ideal birth.