Tried to give up cursing for lent, now it's June and I'm still cursing

[Arduinna]

I have a cursing problem, the majority of the time I do it in a descriptive way to express frustration, not really in a name calling way although I do do that on occasion too. I can't seem to get myself to stop. I tried giving up cursing for lent but it was a failure in the end. Now it's June and I haven't managed any permanent change or at least significant reduction.

I need some suggestions, maybe some reading on the subject from a Catholic perspective?

I don't have any small children at home, and my adult daughter doesn't curse thankfully so the threat of passing it on isn't a pressing issue in daily life.

[lolar2]

As long as I was a substitute teacher, I cursed a whole lot less because I couldn't afford the habit-- don't want to risk showing weakness to a class of 10-year-olds with spitballs poised, do we? A sailor-mouthed friend of mine said the same thing happened to her when she substitute taught.

I guess that's not very spiritual. Unless you get a job substitute-teaching in a Catholic school, maybe?

[lilyka]

I am reading a very good book for book club right now that addresses those things that we try to get rid of but can't (sinful things). Most of these things are symptoms of a bigger, perhaps seemingly unrelated sin that is anchoring them down.

First I think you have two different issues. First you have a potty mouth. bad habit. but you also mention you occaisionally use these words in a harsh way aimed at other people. this is an entirely different issue. it really doesn't matter what you are saying to them or what pretty socially acceptable, non-cursing words you use the root of that problem will still be a very serious problem.

So the bad habit will just take work. every day, an awareness of what is coming out of your mouth. try to talk less in general. this helps me with swearing. as well as gossip, attention seeking, sarcasm, etc etc a whole host of issues spill forth from my mouth. talking less in general helps them all.

As for the issue of speaking harshly to people, this is something that perhaps should be delt with before you move on to silly habits. Ask God to deliver you of pride and give you self knowledge of your sins and their roots. pray for that over and over until he does. then when he does confess your sins and repent and keep confessing and repenting and working on it until it is gone. This will also help with the habit. you know, while he is in the mood to reveal some stuff to you.

Also do not think you can deal with these things on your own. be in regular communication with your priest or spiritual advisor. go to confession regularly. keep the fasts and holy obligations. recieve the Eucharist. in time, God will give you the tools you need to beat this and/or the humility to walk with this cross.

[Arduinna]

I should clarify, on the few occasions that I do use a curse word in reference to a person it's never any family or friends. It's directed at people I don't know in reference to news stories. The child molester that was recently arrested, the teen arrested for killing a 7 year old. Situations like that. Not that that excuses me cursing.

[Purple Sage]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I am reading a very good book for book club right now that addresses those things that we try to get rid of but can't (sinful things). Most of these things are symptoms of a bigger, perhaps seemingly unrelated sin that is anchoring them down.

Do you mind sharing the name of the book you're reading? I just listened to a podcast the other night on Ancient Faith Radio that said the same thing and it struck a chord with me.

Arduinna, I know that for me cursing is a symptom of a deeper sin. I say those words when I'm angry, and my anger is usually the result of a lack of patience and compassion, among other things. I think Lilyka's advice is very helpful.

[Arduinna]

Sorry been really busy, I'd like to know the name of the book too if you don't mind sharing. I do need to work on praying more, I have a hard time finding the words, which is one of the reasons I like fixed prayers.

[Teensy]

Does your DD still live with you?

I started permitted my DC to charge me (25 cents - you might need a higher rate) every time they caught me using a curse words (and vice versa). I haven't stopped 100%, but it has definitely cut down on my bad language.

[lilyka]

http://www.light-n-life.com/shopping...uctNum=PATH107

The Path to Sanity

There are a few things that are just plain wrong but nothing important so far. Overall the gist of it is very good.

[chfriend]

Cussing may be rude, but under most circumstances the Church doesn't call it sin. (my understanding) So it's mostly a manners issue. Akin to folding your napkin after eating. (Not including of course using the Name in vain.)

If you thought it was a sin, you could bring it up in Reconciliation.

Maybe meditating on Scripture would help. Here are some nice ones:

Ephesians 4:29:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

James 3:9-12:
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Proverbs 21:23

"The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools." Ecclesiastes 9:17

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with all strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11

"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life." Proverbs 15:4

"Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24


Peace be with you.

[lilyka]

if my words bring offense or scandalize others then they clearly are a sin. Manners are important on a moral level. I mean if we do not care about the comfort of others, how we make them feel, if we drag them down with us, what does it say about our love for them?

granted, when in Rome and all that....I swear with my friends and do not consider it a problem but if I swore around my customers it would be a huge problem. The problem with swearing is that speech pattens quickly become a habit and word often slip out inintentionally. And before know it we are swearing in front of people and they are hurt or offended and relationships are injured over what? our insistance that it is our right to use words because they are only rude because manners dictate that it is so.

And I am not saying anyone is wrong....just thinking out loud.

Not gonna lie to you. "I swear too much" makes my list of things to confess every.single.time. And I mostly swear in my head. seriously, 99% of the time it never leaves my mouth. but I know it is right there, on the tip of my tounge and in my heart.

[Grace and Granola]

I'm not catholic (protestant), but since you're posting this as a spiritual issue....have you tried praying about it? I wasn't a christian until my early 20s when I was deep into partying, smoking, swearing, etc. I prayed for God to change me take away my sins. I could not do alot of this "giving up" of habits on my own, it was too hard. I needed God's help. I asked. I received. It wasn't overnight, but there was definitely a gradual shedding of all of those bad habits. You don't have to do it on your own!

Luke 18:27 reads: "Jesus replied, "What is impossible from a human perspective is possible with God."

[chfriend]

Just noting that it doesn't sound like this cursing is causing scandal or swearing a false oath or using the Name as a curse....that's what I meant by not being a sin (for RCs).

Picking your nose is distasteful, but not a sin. Sounds kinda like that.

Just clarifying what I meant by manners.

Thanks for the opportunity to collect those Scriptures. What a pleasant journey.

[Arduinna]

You all have given me lots to think about.

In answer to a previous poster, my daughter does still live at home, but given her personality type I don't think the whole paying her if I use a swear word is workable.

[Arduinna]

oops wrong thead, I shouldn't post when I first wake up LOL

[CherryBomb]

Arduinna, I have this problem too, it's a big struggle for me. If you figure it out let me know, because I haven't yet!!

[Arduinna]

LOL ok I will.

[laohaire]

What has worked well for me is deciding on alternate words or phrases to express myself. No, I don't mean stand-ins that are clearly direct substitutes for curses. But when you curse, you are trying to express something, and it's hard in a moment that is emotional enough to call for a curse to come up with an entirely new way of expressing your feelings on a matter. So I think it's important to spend some time thinking of those ways first.

For example, you might have words for certain horrible people. Think of better words, more descriptive words, more accurate words for them. Rather than "he is a ____" you can say "he is a truly evil person." The great thing is that you can find words that express yourself even better than the curses, so they will fill your needs - and you may soon find yourself not even thinking of the curses when you have better words on your tongue.

A common curse for me used to be something I said when I stubbed my toe. I've managed to start saying "ow!" instead. (Sometimes I also add "oh, MAN!!"). But I had to decide what to say first, I couldn't just tell myself "I'm not going to say ___ when I stub my toe" - I had to express my pain somehow rather than simply biting my tongue.

Other phrases I've picked up: "oh, for crying out loud" and "seriously?"

I didn't have a name-calling problem in marital fights, but I'd suggest if someone did they instead try to express their feelings more accurately. Instead of "you _____!" try "that was really uncalled for" "that really hurt my feelings" "do you really feel that way?" (all of which can be said in an angry tone of voice, so you don't have to be a robot - but all of those are fair, useful things to say).

I think curses are all very emotional, and we rely on them when we need to express feelings urgently. Instead of trying "not to curse" (which can feel like silencing yourself) try to express your feelings more accurately.

[springmama]

I have to confess this every time I go to confession! I try very hard not to swear but it seems that when I get stressed I end up swearing. Half the time I don't even mean to it just slips out. It is a very hard habit to break. I just keep taking it to confession and asking the Lord to help me work on this. Keep trying, you will get there!