Should I put up a fight?

[eli's mama]

I need some guidance please. DS1 is 6 and just finished kindy at public school. I would say he liked it well enough, but I was a little concerned about the expectations that were placed on him. Specifically, the idea that a 5 or 6 year old would sit quietly in a chair for long spans of time without losing focus occasionally. Also, I found that not having him in the house for hours seemed more of a disruption to our lives than anything else. When he did come home he was wild and off the wall.
I started to get the notion that he and I would enjoy homeschooling. I started to research and read and spend a lot of time here reading what you all had to say. I have to say, I am so in love with you all, it's kind of embarrassing.
I have two issues really. One is my own self esteem, I think I can overcome that with time and practice. The other is DH. I know if I present myself well winning him over won't be hard, but the fact that I currently have doubts about my own reasons for HSing and my ability to actually HS makes me wonder if I would be doing my son a disservice, as DH thinks.
I guess my question is, is ANY reason a good reason to HS? And if not, how does one know if theirs is a "good" reason?

[moominmamma]

Hey Jessie, welcome

It sounds like you're thinking to yourself "Generally kids should go to school, so I need to have a good reason not to send them there." I question the first premise. School isn't a default or a given that a parent needs to come up with excuses to opt out of. Instead my default is home. I know my kids can thrive with an individualized learning environment staffed by people who know them inside and out and love them with all their hearts. I watched them thrive as little tykes. As they got close to "school age" I thought to myself "Kids should get an interesting, enjoyable, humane, meaningful and relevant education. Do mine need to go to school to get that?"

My answer was obviously no. Maybe yours is no too. I think that's good enough.

Miranda

[eli's mama]

Thank you Miranda! You're right, that is my mindset. Not intentionally. While I agree with all that you said, I think that DH is so deeply rooted in societal norms that he's not gonna give in that easily. I'm working on it. I kind of decided that this summer I'm going to work on 1st grade curriculum with ds and do a little show and tell for DH. I think he wants real evidence that our kids can learn what they "need" to learn without going to school. I just need a foot in the door with him.
I guess part of me wants to know what other HSers think of my reasons for wanting to HS. (desperate for approval) among my other issues.

[dannic]

I think your reasons for wanting to HS are totally relevant!

[bluebirdiemama]

moominmamma said it better than I could!

I think your reasoning is perfect. I hate thinking about all the poor little boys with so much natural energy who are told to sit still all day. And when they cannot, it is suggested that the parents give them meds......

Your ds would be soo0o0o00o0o much better off at home with you! I hear you on the self-esteem... but I think on our worst days, we mamas are still better for our kids than anything else could hope to be.

[tankgirl73]

moominmamma I am SO TOTALLY stealing that!!!! Well-said!!!

[MamaRhi]

If it helps any, I know from experience that the expectations don't lighten up as they get older, nor does their ability to meet them, usually. My little boy has the hardest time with the whole sitting still part of school and often comes home really needing to get his crazies out. I've also worked as a substitute teacher and I can tell you that with 30 kids, the teachers are thinking more about behavior management than educating your child.

As for DH, mine needed a very thorough convincing in the beginning. Know your stuff and sound like you mean it. Now after the kids being back in PS for two years I am taking them out again. Dad tried his old argument again, but been there done that. I brought back all of my original points with further flavor added from the new school experiences. He backed down immediately and saw my points.

Believe in what you feel is right and get some info to back yourself up. Men seem to need hard facts and proof right off the bat, despite that being near impossible.

[CariOfOz]

When my oldest son was 7, he had a crabby old teacher who thought that it was abnormal for a 7yo boy to not be able to sit still for TWO HOURS of language arts. Now he was a very smart kid, did well in his school work and always got decent grades... but seriously ..2straight hours of language arts??? *I* was in college at the time an our classes were a max 50minutes long! This teacher & I went around and around about this.. she demanded I get him evaluated.. I demanded that she.... well we won't go there

My point is that I WISH I had known about homeschooling and how awesome it can be at that time! He had such a passion to learn (and amazingly still does.. he's reading Dumas for FUN lol and that's a hard slog) and would have thrived in a homeschooling environment where he had the freedom to do so at his own pace. That little boy is now almost 22yrs old ...somewhere along the line I learned about home education though... and his much younger brothers are loving it. My oldest, wishes I'd have known about it when he was young as well.

And I'm going to say this as gently as I can ... do you REALLY think you are dumb to the point that you cannot teach a 6yo the things they 'need' to know? I SERIOUSLY doubt it mama! Btw.. THIS board had a LOT to do with my making the leap into homeschooling a few years ago! My son is a Kindergarten drop out thanks to this group of ladies sharing information!

[tankgirl73]

And I'm going to say this as gently as I can ... do you REALLY think you are dumb to the point that you cannot teach a 6yo the things they 'need' to know? I SERIOUSLY doubt it mama!

:

And this reminds me of another point I often like to make. You're a product of the public school system yourself, I assume? And after that public school education, after 12+ years of it, you find yourself feeling intimidated about being able to pass on information you yourself learned at the VERY BEGINNING of those years?

How terrible an education it must be if we feel that we're not secure enough in our own learning to be able to explain elementary level concepts to a child.

Therefore, how is it at all logical that it's better to send our children to the same system that served us so poorly? Maybe we're not going to be the ideal, perfect teacher, but could we hardly do any worse?

And a co-related point: Perhaps you feel that your public school education was quite weak, and you're uncertain about being able to 'teach' even the most basic elementary concepts to your kids. Presumably because you're uncertain about the concepts yourself. Well, ask yourself if you're a successful, well-functioning adult right now. I presume yes? Got a job (or had a job)? Manage a household? Interact in society in a normal fashion?

If so, then ask yourself how important those "elementary concepts" really are to your life. Because you seem to be doing okay without them.

Now, this is not an excuse for simply being lazy and never ever giving your children the chance to learn those concepts in the first place. But it is your safety net -- just in case, on the very odd chance that you're a "terrible" homeschooling parent and your kids never actually learn to do, say, long division, very well. Well, the odds are that it will have really no impact on their life overall, just like it didn't for yours.

And kids are great catcher-uppers. Worst-case scenario -- hs'ing goes terribly, they learn nothing, you decide to send them back to PS after a few years. Presuming the lack of learning was due to 'bad homeschooling' and not to any learning disabilities, you'll find that when they get back into school, a) they're not very 'behind' after all because most learning/skills through these years is DEVELOPMENTAL rather than 'taught', b) the range of learning/skills within any classroom is so wide that they're probably not even at the 'bottom' of the class anyway, and c) once they're in a better learning environment for them, they 'catch up' really quickly. PS classes often have to review and review and redo anyway.

There's always that old fascinating example of the alternative school where the kids did no formal math AT ALL until their 6th grade, when they decided they wanted to do it. They did math-math-math really intensively, and did the entire elementary curriculum in a matter of weeks. Even if they hadn't done it "intensively" I expect it would not have taken more than a normal school year to catch up. There is SO MUCH repetition in the early grades, and as I said before, 90% of it is developmental rather than taught anyway.

Phew, didn't think this was going to be this long, oh well! I love making these points.

[fruitfulmomma]

Read John Taylor Gatto if you need more reasons to get your child out of the public schools.

As for my reasons, I could probably start a list and not stop. My initial reasoning was that both dh and I hated school and don't feel we learned much there. My primary reason now is religious because we feel our children are to be brought up learning what we believe and that is never going to happen in a public school. I also don't believe classroom learning is conductive to true education in the least.

I could not imagine ever sending my son into school. He is such a creative mind and loves to work with tools and build things and it is wonderful. But he is a slow reader and doesn't like to sit still and I can guarantee you he'd have been on the fast track to Ritalin.

My daughter is a social butterfly and *might* do okay in school but she is so much like me in other respects I can see that turning into a total disaster too. She wants to be a midwife and cook and I don't think they are offering those classes down the street. However she got to attend all my prenatals last time and was at the birth and cut the cord. I credited her 40 hours in human biology for that. This time she hopes to catch the baby!

My five year lives in her own world and I often have to work hard to get her attention. Forcing her to sit still and listen all day would not go over well. She loves animals and wants to be a vet and is also very artistically talented.

My three year has very advanced verbal skills. I want to be able to give her an education that takes this into account.

As for social skills - my kids are all very well socialized and can talk with people of all ages, colors, and beliefs with no problems. So of them are more outgoing and some are more shy. That is their personality and not a result of educational choices. Children in school otoh spend most of their time with peers their own age and don't get lots of opportunities to socialize in the "real" world.

P.S. Remember your child learned to walk and talk without the help of experts, two of the hardest things in life to do.

[phathui5]

I think your reason for homeschooling makes perfect sense. With homeschooling, there's no reason to be sitting mostly in the same room all day. We break lessons up with playtime in between and take breaks when it seems like the kids need one.