Originally Posted by scottishmommy
The weird thing is that while she's aggressive, she's also very prosocial, more so than most of the kids I know. She hands over toys regularly, hugs her friends, gives kisses, says "I love you" and is generally very nice most of the time.
Interesting observation. Our son is very communicative. Most people that meet him comment on his verbal language for his age. I think sometimes that gets him into trouble though. People perceive him as older than he is, but he is still social/emotionally a 2 1/2 year old. Because he is more verbal, we've seen a lot of friendly conversation starters from him recently - if he gets a drink, he'll ask his friend for a drink. If he has food, he tries to share it with them (sometimes this means trying to shove it in your mouth before you can answer him though). Good to point out that the least desired behavior can also on the flip side be what is so endearing about the child.
riverscout - I'm not only losing sleep - I've now lost nearly a day of work because I'm obsessing about it. Eventually I will sort things out in my own mind and feel settled about it.
choli - yes, the first time was after a full day at a friends house, our son, who was in the midst of biting when he was teething, bit their child before we went home. The 2nd time we were at their house for a week and there was one biting incident maybe a couple pushing incidents as we hung around the house without much activity to engage the kids. And the 3rd time was at a friends house locally. There was no biting, but apparently some shoving and I'm not sure what else. It's not that my husband wasn't aware of it and didn't intervene, he just doesn't remember the event in the same manner as it happened 4 months ago and did not seem that traumatic from his standpoint. They were still playing together when I arrived at the end of the evening, so I'm not sure how serious the incident was. So yes, I understand their concern and it isn't unreasonable that it could happen again and yes they should protect their child. That doesn't negate the fact that as a parent and a human being I have my own feelings about the matter regardless of how diplomatic it was presented.
As Cascadian pointed out in her post, I am trying my best to accept someone elses truth of the situation and their perspective of my child. It's not always easy. I'm doing my best before responding irrationally to her.
I think we've decided not to attend and to offer a playdate sometime in the future. Thanks for helping me with the wording of how to respond. I just need to take a deep breath and go home and hug my child and let it go.