anyone else still feeding on demand at 32 months or so?

[Devaya]

It seems like a lot of the posts on here refer to children feeding once or twice a day, or only occasionally, when they get past 18 months or two years. My son will be three in October and still feeds pretty much on demand 5-8 times a day (was more until I nightweaned him a couple of months ago). And that's WITH me using distraction and quite often refusing...so I guess not really 'on demand', but I mean we've never had a thing of feeding in the morning and then the night or anything like that - it's whenever, wherever.

I don't want to stop BF altogether b/c it is so important to him and I would ideally like to CLW, but I am seriously often at breaking point because of the frequency and the amount of public feeding that is still necessary. He is not able to wait until later so if I refuse in public he just becomes inconsolable, and it's worse for me. I've become pretty immune to what people may think but I don't think I'll feel that way in a year's time - he still looks relatively babyish now but will soon be a full on boy. It seems that he doesn't have the ability to really be comforted by anything else - if he's upset I always offer cuddles and contact and validate emotions etc etc, but he will usually insist on having 'mommy milk'.

I have been finding it painful a lot of the time - I think it might be cycle related as it's not all the time - and his bra strap twiddling and fiddling habits very annoying, plus to be honest I'm just tired of the sight of stretched out elastic nipples - they look so unattractive - though I don't know if they'll ever get back to normal! I'm also fed up of having to eat eat eat all the time - I have a high metabolism and blood sugar that fluctuates easily and I feel like I can't ever go anywhere without loads of food packed.

Anyway, I do want to keep going bc I know it will traumatise him to stop anytime soon, but I feel like I need some encouragement and perhaps some tips on how to turn it from demand feeding to more manageable amounts of feeding....

[ssh]

My 4.5 DD was nursing several times a day at that age. I sometimes made her wait a minute when I was doing something, but I never really limited her nursing. Around 3.5 she decreased to once or twice during the day and two or three times at night. She weaned herself a couple of months before turning 4. As for nursing in public, my DD was too busy once she was mobile. I had to find really quiet boring places to get her to nurse.

[Devaya]

Ok, it's good to know I am not alone! And that your daughter did eventually wean herself...sometimes it's so hard to imagine DS ever being ready for that but I know things will change..

[GutInstinct]

[pumpkinhead]

I know what it's like to nurse a 3 year old. To be honest, I started refusing to nurse him in public, telling him that we'd nurse when we got home and if he was thirsty, he could have some yummy water/juice/milk etc. in a cup. I'd also have some of his favourite treats onhand like dried pineapple, strawberries, yogurt etc. to distract him with. The first few times, he was completely unimpressed and let me know in no uncertian terms, but eventually, he understood that I meant it and it got easier. I do think that most neuro-typical 3 year olds can grasp the concept of waiting and eventually learn to respect it.

If it doesn't bother you at all to nurse him whenever or where ever, you don't need to change a thing, but if you'd prefer not to nurse him in public, he's old enough to begin to understand limits. Nursing a 3 year old should be something that it mutually desireable .

Good luck, Mama!

[greenmamapagan]

Originally Posted by pumpkinhead

I know what it's like to nurse a 3 year old. To be honest, I started refusing to nurse him in public, telling him that we'd nurse when we got home and if he was thirsty, he could have some yummy water/juice/milk etc. in a cup. I'd also have some of his favourite treats onhand like dried pineapple, strawberries, yogurt etc. to distract him with. The first few times, he was completely unimpressed and let me know in no uncertian terms, but eventually, he understood that I meant it and it got easier. I do think that most neuro-typical 3 year olds can grasp the concept of waiting and eventually learn to respect it.

If it doesn't bother you at all to nurse him whenever or where ever, you don't need to change a thing, but if you'd prefer not to nurse him in public, he's old enough to begin to understand limits. Nursing a 3 year old should be something that it mutually desireable .

Good luck, Mama!

This is how I felt too. DD & I were still nursing on demand until her brother was born three weeks after her third birthday. I did ask her to wait in public though, not always until we got home - sometimes just somewhere more comfortable for me and that could mean somewhere to sit down or it could mean somewhere more private, somewhere out of the hot sun/cold wind etc etc.

[Devaya]

thanks for the input everyone. After a week away at a camping holiday where he was just CONSTANTLY wanting to nurse and I was getting more and more furious, I decided to cut down to three times a day at specified times: morning on waking, naptime at noon, and bedtime (and those all tend to be long feeds). I think I had to get really clear in my mind about it. A few people on the holiday with us commented that they could see the constant nursing was affecting our relationship negatively, and it's true: it's not that feeding in public bothers me, so much as just the constant having to pull out my tits at his every whim - it feels invasive, and like being constantly interrupted from my flow. I realised that he's not benefiting from my resentment. So, it's now been nearly a week of the new situation, and he's doing ok. There've been a few tantrums, but on the whole it's not been as bad as I feared. He does, however,try to engineer 'naps' earlier than he needs one, which makes me laugh! So that he can get a feed.

I feel TONS Better about our relationship, about continuing to breastfeed, and my nipples don't feel sore anymore. It was definitely the right decision for me.

[Devaya]

I should add that I am of course offering alternatives: cuddles, cups of milk, snacks etc, which he is starting to accept more and more quickly.

[wholewheatmama]

I'm glad your new situation is working out. I'm considering taking the same approach soon. My 2.5 year old wants to nurse constantly when we are at home. For about six months, she has been pretty easy to distract in public, such that we rarely NIP anymore. At home, though, she would nurse every 10 minutes if I let her. I always offer food/drink/cuddles instead, and that sometimes works. I also try to only nurse her in one particular chair. However, that means every single time I sit down in that chair, she thinks it's time to nurse. I think we are going to try the waking/naptime/bedtime nursing, and that will be limited to the bed (we still co-sleep). Like you, I am tired of the demanding, aggressive, *constant* nature of her requests, and it is beginning to hurt when she nurses, though I have wondered how much of that is my psychological reaction at this point.

[Devaya]

Yes, aggressive is the word! Clawing at me, pulling my clothes off, beating my chest violently..I'd really had enough of it. That's still happening occasionally but at least it's once a day or so rather than frequently, and i"m sure it'll phase out as he gets used to it. We co sleep too although he is finally getting his own bed in his 'bedroom' on Monday so we are going to see how sleeping in there goes - with the understanding that he can come into my bed anytime, of course. I think around this age they can cognitively cope with these things more, and emotionally too. I've noticed that he is better able to cope with emotional disappointments already - before, he would just automatically turn to the breast for every single little thing, and now that he knows it's not 'on tap, he is actually playing more independently for much longer periods, not needing me as much - it's amazing what a difference there is.

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy since it's not specifically a child-led weaning issue.

[pumpkinhead]

I'm so glad to hear your positive update . I think that at 3, they can learn "nursing manners" as well. It's ok for them to act like 3 year olds with their frustration, but it's also ok for us to let them know that it's not acceptable for them to act rudely/aggressively/violently etc. They're not going to learn the concept overnight, and by no means do I think we should be aggressive about it also, but it's not ridiculous to start to expect good manners from a 3 year old. I hope things continue to go well.