Why do they have to stare, and stare, and stare??? - Page 2

[bella99]

If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I are both white and we still get stares when we're out in public together with our daughter.

Of course, we're both redheads, with the same shade of red hair, very similar blue eyes, and of course, the pale, freckled skin. And for whatever reason, people assume that two redheads together must be biologically related. When we were dating, I even overheard people saying how disgusting they thought it was.

Our daughter has the same shade of hair as us, and has my blue eyes. We've gotten some curious and even some dirty looks.

[MadiMamacita]

OP, i know about the stares too!
I lived in Peru for 2 years. The average height for adults, male or female, is right around 5 feet tall, and I'm 5'7 and a big girl.. plus white.. i have medium to dark brown hair but that is considered blond in a country where jet black hair is normal.. plus I have green eyes.

I got stared at CONSTANTLY. I even had kids follow me around and then hide when I would turn around. it was ANNOYING!!!!
and then I met DH who has very dark skin, hair and eyes. We used to get REALLY stared at.
We live in the states now and I don't honestly notice any looks. But we will be visiting peru soon with DS and I am curious to see if we get even MORE stares!

[Smylingeyz]

Madi - wow that sound annoying! We'll be visiting Malaysia, where DH was born, in about a year once he gets his citizenship, I'm already thinking about how I'll probably be stared at even more. I love visiting new countries, but this will be the first time in an Asian country as the only white person in a group of Asians. I'm hoping if I can learn the basics of the language then I'll feel better knowing what's being said at least. Or maybe that'll make it worse

[AugustLia23]

Becuase they cannot believe how gorgeous your baby is
My nearly 3 year old has tightly curled blong hair that gets lots of comments, and I know it's just because it's not familiar to them. Especially in more monoracial areas.

[p.s]

Originally Posted by AugustLia23

Because they cannot believe how gorgeous your baby is

yeah that.
lol, I am Asian and DH is English/German/Irish. And we get stared at constantly when we are in any sort of Chinatown, etc.
And b/c I am Asian, then I know it's a compliment. The Asian culture does emphasize politeness, and respect. But in different ways than the American culture. So... just to stare is not a problem. But to show someone the bottom of your foot is very offensive.
One also does not point out things that cannot be changed. Like if someone had 4 fingers, or if a child had cerebral palsy, then the Asian culture considers it shameful, and one should not stare at them. B/c it would embarrass that person by acknowledging what is obviously a "defect." (Although, of course... right?, we all know that CP is not shameful.) Or at least they would stare, but in a kind- of- trying- to hide it stare. Not a full - in your face stare.

[eepster]

I seem to have missed this thread the first time around, but since it's back...

I wonder if there is more to the staring than the mixed marriage. I'm very obviously not Asian (I'm a pale freckled blue eyed redhead,) but Dh and I never get stared at in NYC's China town, or even over in Flushing. We never go to Philly's China town, just the Philly suburbs, but we never get stared at there either. We regularly go to Asian super markets and such with no issues as well.

Originally Posted by GoGoGirl

I think that might be it, too. We live in NYC. Sometimes when we're out, it seems like half the families are Asian mom-white Dad-kids, but we're ALWAYS the only white mom-Asian dad-kid family. There's actually another family in our apartment building with an Asian dad and a white mom, and I secretly want to high-five them every time we see each other.

I'm surprised there are so few in the city, there are lots of us out in the suburbs. Just counting on my fingers, I know the same # of Asian-American huband/European-American wife couples as I do Asian-American wife/European-American husband couples in our age range. Though when it comes to older couples it is less of an equal split.

[Smylingeyz]

Originally Posted by p.s

yeah that.
lol, I am Asian and DH is English/German/Irish. And we get stared at constantly when we are in any sort of Chinatown, etc.
And b/c I am Asian, then I know it's a compliment. The Asian culture does emphasize politeness, and respect. But in different ways than the American culture. So... just to stare is not a problem. But to show someone the bottom of your foot is very offensive.
One also does not point out things that cannot be changed. Like if someone had 4 fingers, or if a child had cerebral palsy, then the Asian culture considers it shameful, and one should not stare at them. B/c it would embarrass that person by acknowledging what is obviously a "defect." (Although, of course... right?, we all know that CP is not shameful.) Or at least they would stare, but in a kind- of- trying- to hide it stare. Not a full - in your face stare.

Interesting... good point and I never thought of it that way.

Originally Posted by eepster

I seem to have missed this thread the first time around, but since it's back...

I wonder if there is more to the staring than the mixed marriage. I'm very obviously not Asian (I'm a pale freckled blue eyed redhead,) but Dh and I never get stared at in NYC's China town, or even over in Flushing. We never go to Philly's China town, just the Philly suburbs, but we never get stared at there either. We regularly go to Asian super markets and such with no issues as well.



I'm surprised there are so few in the city, there are lots of us out in the suburbs. Just counting on my fingers, I know the same # of Asian-American huband/European-American wife couples as I do Asian-American wife/European-American husband couples in our age range. Though when it comes to older couples it is less of an equal split.

We definitely get more stares in Philly, no idea why, but we also get some in NYC Chinatown and Flushing. DH jokes it's because everyone's trying to figure out how he got such a hot wife, which may actually be partly true. I personally think he's about as hot as I am, but I know a lot of people who hugely disagree, so maybe there's something to it. I really feel that I get more attention specifically in Chinatown with DH and DD... I guess it could be for more reasons than the multi racial thing and I just see it that way because it's on my mind.

[someonenamedleah]

DD and I are white, DH is from Iran and our twin boys are fairly light skinned AA with blue eyes. Honestly, when we are all out together, you can see the wheels in people's heads turning as they try to figure it out. As DD says, "we're a spectacle!"

I've noticed that here, although there's a fairly large Middle Eastern population there really don't seem to be many with white spouses. Oh and I'm taller than DH too, so that doesn't really help with the blending in either...

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Smylingeyz

I'm as white as you can get, with blue eyes and platinum blond hair. I suddenly felt like I had committed a crime in the eyes of everyone around me by marrying an Asian.

I really have no idea. But, is it possible just that you look different? Not that they think you shouldn't marry an Asian? I live in a State that has mostly people with darker skin, eyes and hair. I tend to notice (I hope I'm not rude about it) light skinned blondes. It just stands out here.

I went to a state in the midwest. I was told by my friend I was staring.... Actually she said "CLose your mouth, you look like in idiot". But, she meant stop staring at all the pale people.

ETA... Now that I think about it, you are probably right. I'd know if I were getting disapproving looks too. I'm sorry people are so rude about it. I hope I remember this in the future. I'd hate to be one of those people. I'm sure I have been in the past though.

[Smylingeyz]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I really have no idea. But, is it possible just that you look different? Not that they think you shouldn't marry an Asian? I live in a State that has mostly people with darker skin, eyes and hair. I tend to notice (I hope I'm not rude about it) light skinned blondes. It just stands out here.

I went to a state in the midwest. I was told by my friend I was staring.... Actually she said "CLose your mouth, you look like in idiot". But, she meant stop staring at all the pale people.

Well, I definitely get more attention since I went platinum, but at the same time, it's not like I stand out in an odd way because it matches my complexion and look really well. But it's different when I'm with DH and DD. Basically it's prolonged staring by all different people as opposed to young guys checking out a hot blond. DH and I are on different ends of the color spectrum, and DD is right in the middle, so I understand it's less common to people especially in the rural, mostly-white area we're in, but I feel like we're a circus act to some people, when it really isn't that uncommon anymore.