Parents don’t believe their kids have sex - Page 3

[karne]

Originally Posted by polycom1

I thought I was a cool dude back in the day when I was in MS. Now that my son has graduated and we have had the backyard parties over the last few days, I am amazed at how many kids at 13 and 14 have had oral sex. maybe its the information age, maybe its something else.

I still am in a state of shock.

Just curious how you know this? Are the kids talking about it?

I have a good friend who is convinced that every preteen/teen girl is after her teen son, "but he has no interest at all-he's not there yet". I guess she knows her son best, but it's interesting to watch the real life interactions. They don't really mesh w/the mom's ideas.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by polycom1

I thought I was a cool dude back in the day when I was in MS. Now that my son has graduated and we have had the backyard parties over the last few days, I am amazed at how many kids at 13 and 14 have had oral sex. maybe its the information age, maybe its something else.

I still am in a state of shock.

My Junior Year in HS we were told there were 2 6th graders pregnant by 7th graders...We we all shocked because it hadn't been that long since we were that age...

[GrandmaBev33]

Well I admit I didn't think my daughter was having sex either but now I'm a grandma. My daughter just turned 15 and my g'daughter is 2 months old. The good news is that she and her bf are still together and they are raising the baby, with mine and the other mom's help obviously. It's not something I'd have hoped for but I've been there for her and my g'daughter is a blessing.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

If I had to hazard a guess, I would guess that those parents who operate from a "they are sexual beings and will be thinking about these things now or very soon" are more likely to have kids who think "ok, this is definitely something that I am interested in but I don't actually want to do it now." So basically, a reasonable understanding of ones child as a sexual being would in effect make a more sexually responsible teen.

Obviously there are other factors, but my experience tells me that the people who waited until later are the ones who weren't addressed by their parents in such a way that made their sexual feelings "bad".

I agree. People I knew growing up who had honest, trusting relationships with their parents and talked about sex without shame stayed virgins longest. My mom told me too late that I was "never ever allowed to have sex" or she'd kill me. Thanks, mom.

My MIL still doesn't admit that we have sex. When I got pg with #3 (my first with dh), she couldn't figure out how it happened. Literally. Dh was like..."do you want me to explain?" and she got this horrified look on her face. He used to spend the night at my house and every time (he was 23) she'd ask him if he was going over to babysit. She didn't get it until we got married!

[happysmileylady]

I don't like the article because it seems to extrapolate quite a bit from a very small sample size. The researcher even says that you can't draw conclusions about most parents or teens and yet it seems that they turn around and do it anyway.

This is one area where I think having been a single teen parent gives me a bit of an advantage. For one thing, it wasn't THAT long ago that I was in that position. I sometimes think that parents forget, unintentionally, what it really was like when they were kids, and that is just a fact of time. The more time you are removed from something, the harder it is to remember the details.

In addition, when discussing with my teen daughter (she's 14) we have real life examples that she's lived to fall back on. I can say things like remember when we had to live with Grandma? We can discuss things from the point of view of what we had to do when she was a little kid and how we live now (I am married, having more kids, we own a house etc) and what she wants for the future and does she really want to have to make the choices we had to when she was little.

And, as I said, I am now having more kids. I have a 19 month old and am pg again. She was in the delivery room when the 19 month old was born and likely will be again. Watching me go through pg (and the present one has been pretty rough on me) and labor and delivery DOES have an impact on her. It also provides fantastic openings for discussions, as does the whole having a different biological father issue.

I know she's "interested" in sex. I can't imagine she wouldn't be, I was curious about it at 14. But I also know she doesn't have a boyfriend, and doesn't generally hang out with boys. She's just getting into high school and is trying out for the soccer team and as she gets more independant, I am sure the issue will come up for her. But, I remember when I was a teen, I didn't do drugs or drink because really, I simply didn't have easy access. I had sex because I had easy access. And, at the moment, she doesn't really have easy access to any of it. So, for now, I am not worried. But, I also remember that who I was at 14, vs who I was at 16 and 17, they were VERY different. I expect the same will be true for her.