HELP! Here's the situation...
I have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship. His Biological Father left when he was a year old and has had no contact since he was three.
I'm from MA, and lived there until 7 years ago, when my son and I moved to NY to live with the man I later married. He was the only Dad my son ever knew, and his daughter (my stepdaughter) and my son were raised as sister and brother.
Last November, my husband left me, or to be more specific, kicked me out after Christmas and he never looked back. He's been giving me $100 a month of "maintainence", but nothing as far as divorce, legal maintainence or legal seperation has been done, due to money issues on both sides. He's been very clear- he will never come back. He sees my son once, maybe twice a month, and I get to see his stepdaughter perhaps once a month, though he's been clear that he'd just as soon cut me out of her life.
Financially, I'm screwed. My son and I are living in a $1300 a month one bedroom apartment, and I make $1600 a month. Do the math- every month, I choose between bills and food.
In April, I started dating a male friend of mine who I've known (platonically) for a while. This guy was buying me groceries, interested in my son, etc, so I let myself get pushed into a relationship I wasn't ready for. I let myself get talked into something... twice. I feel really bad about it, but when someone's giving you the eyes and just bought you $80 worth of groceries when you had no food in the house... ugh. :-( We used protection... two different kinds. I got pregnant anyways. He wants to be an involved father.
I want to move back to MA to be with my family. I am literally on my own here- no car, no driver's license, no money in the bank, no credit card, etc. Most his family and all his friends, no longer speak to me or my son. (Some, have been my son's "aunts" for the last 7 years, and they don't even acknowledge him on his birthday.) I've done the math- even without being pregnant, even if it were just me and my son, I will not be able to support us some January, it's very likely we'd end up in a homeless shelter. If I move back to MA, my family will be able to help me get back on my feet and get the financial help I need.
Does anyone know what would happen with the baby if the father wants visitation, if I move before it's born? My family is approximately 200 miles away, and neither me or the baby's father have a car or license. I don't neccesarily want to keep the baby from it's father, but I would NEVER be comfortable sending the baby 200 miles away to spend a week or a month with it's father- he'll be a wonderful dad for short periods of time, but it will be dangerous (in ways not neccesarily easy to prove in court) to leave a child with him for more than a day. He's got a temper. Never saw it aimed at me or my son, but I did watch him make a scene, yelling, cussing and screaming (in front of families with children, no less) in the line at the Bronx Zoo because there was an issue with his ticket, and he gets angry about the slightest thing, and then rants and rants about it to me. I've also found out he smokes pot and sells it (but is careful not to carry enough to get in trouble) and he lives with his mother, and has told me repeatedly, he never wants her to be alone with the baby because she abused him (yelled, hit with things) when he was a child. When I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay dating him, he made a big deal on his Facebook about how he's smoking (cigarettes) again and drinking again, because he's "under too much stress". And he has already told me that he's not sure he could hide his feelings of anger and resentment from the baby if I dumped him, knowing he wanted me and him to be together. Any idea what rights I'd have as far as, if I moved to another state before the baby was born, the only visitation he could have would be if he came to see us, or would it work against me, moving while pregnant? (Oh, and I plan on breastfeeding, AP, and cosleeping.)
Also, how does Government Assistance work? Do they let you, basically, quit your job in one state and move to another state and apply for welfare? I don't mind the Food Stamps, Medicaid or the Section 8, but I would most likely need welfare at first- I'd be between 5 and 9 month pregnant when I moved and there's no way anyone's gonna hire me (and then give me maternity leave) when I'm that pregnant. I truly believe that the only way I'm gonna get through this financially is if I go back to my familiar territory, where my family is, where they can help me as needed, but I don't know how to get around it.
Also, my lease for this NY apartment runs out on January 1st and I'm due on January 23rd. I can't stay that long and I know from other people in the building that they do not let people out of their leases. Is there any legal way I can get around it, so I can leave before then? What about utilities? If I'm overdue on my electric, for example, will it affect me getting my electric turned on in another state by a different provider, though a social security number check, or something, or will I be okay if I can't pay it all. (I don't plan on screwing the utility companies out of my bill, but my children come first, and I'll get to the utility companies when I can.)
I have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship. His Biological Father left when he was a year old and has had no contact since he was three.
I'm from MA, and lived there until 7 years ago, when my son and I moved to NY to live with the man I later married. He was the only Dad my son ever knew, and his daughter (my stepdaughter) and my son were raised as sister and brother.
Last November, my husband left me, or to be more specific, kicked me out after Christmas and he never looked back. He's been giving me $100 a month of "maintainence", but nothing as far as divorce, legal maintainence or legal seperation has been done, due to money issues on both sides. He's been very clear- he will never come back. He sees my son once, maybe twice a month, and I get to see his stepdaughter perhaps once a month, though he's been clear that he'd just as soon cut me out of her life.
Financially, I'm screwed. My son and I are living in a $1300 a month one bedroom apartment, and I make $1600 a month. Do the math- every month, I choose between bills and food.
In April, I started dating a male friend of mine who I've known (platonically) for a while. This guy was buying me groceries, interested in my son, etc, so I let myself get pushed into a relationship I wasn't ready for. I let myself get talked into something... twice. I feel really bad about it, but when someone's giving you the eyes and just bought you $80 worth of groceries when you had no food in the house... ugh. :-( We used protection... two different kinds. I got pregnant anyways. He wants to be an involved father.
I want to move back to MA to be with my family. I am literally on my own here- no car, no driver's license, no money in the bank, no credit card, etc. Most his family and all his friends, no longer speak to me or my son. (Some, have been my son's "aunts" for the last 7 years, and they don't even acknowledge him on his birthday.) I've done the math- even without being pregnant, even if it were just me and my son, I will not be able to support us some January, it's very likely we'd end up in a homeless shelter. If I move back to MA, my family will be able to help me get back on my feet and get the financial help I need.
Does anyone know what would happen with the baby if the father wants visitation, if I move before it's born? My family is approximately 200 miles away, and neither me or the baby's father have a car or license. I don't neccesarily want to keep the baby from it's father, but I would NEVER be comfortable sending the baby 200 miles away to spend a week or a month with it's father- he'll be a wonderful dad for short periods of time, but it will be dangerous (in ways not neccesarily easy to prove in court) to leave a child with him for more than a day. He's got a temper. Never saw it aimed at me or my son, but I did watch him make a scene, yelling, cussing and screaming (in front of families with children, no less) in the line at the Bronx Zoo because there was an issue with his ticket, and he gets angry about the slightest thing, and then rants and rants about it to me. I've also found out he smokes pot and sells it (but is careful not to carry enough to get in trouble) and he lives with his mother, and has told me repeatedly, he never wants her to be alone with the baby because she abused him (yelled, hit with things) when he was a child. When I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay dating him, he made a big deal on his Facebook about how he's smoking (cigarettes) again and drinking again, because he's "under too much stress". And he has already told me that he's not sure he could hide his feelings of anger and resentment from the baby if I dumped him, knowing he wanted me and him to be together. Any idea what rights I'd have as far as, if I moved to another state before the baby was born, the only visitation he could have would be if he came to see us, or would it work against me, moving while pregnant? (Oh, and I plan on breastfeeding, AP, and cosleeping.)
Also, how does Government Assistance work? Do they let you, basically, quit your job in one state and move to another state and apply for welfare? I don't mind the Food Stamps, Medicaid or the Section 8, but I would most likely need welfare at first- I'd be between 5 and 9 month pregnant when I moved and there's no way anyone's gonna hire me (and then give me maternity leave) when I'm that pregnant. I truly believe that the only way I'm gonna get through this financially is if I go back to my familiar territory, where my family is, where they can help me as needed, but I don't know how to get around it.
Also, my lease for this NY apartment runs out on January 1st and I'm due on January 23rd. I can't stay that long and I know from other people in the building that they do not let people out of their leases. Is there any legal way I can get around it, so I can leave before then? What about utilities? If I'm overdue on my electric, for example, will it affect me getting my electric turned on in another state by a different provider, though a social security number check, or something, or will I be okay if I can't pay it all. (I don't plan on screwing the utility companies out of my bill, but my children come first, and I'll get to the utility companies when I can.)
. That is a LOT of changes to go through in short order.
