what annoys me to NO END!

[lovelymomma]

is people who dont understand firstly.. I mention having a vbac to my mom and she gets this horrified shocked look on her face "why? are you nuts"? since when did having our babies the way nature intended take such a wrong turn? "well you already have the scar, why wouldnt you just have them that way, no added pain, no pushing, exc"... my answer "because i desperately want to experience that, in all its painful glory. I feel like being a "woman" was stripped from me by having c-sections. its unnecessary surgery, why WOULD I have another c-section? I just dont understand!!

whats better than that, i post on MY facebook that im shocked and saddened by the statistics in the documentary "business of being born" and i get responses like "it doesnt matter how they come into the world as long as they get here safely"... well guess what, it DOES matter to me and if I dont want another csection because its UNNECESSARY in the moment, what is it to you? If they are getting here safely either way why does it matter? .. why is that so hard to understand? why cant you just leave it alone if you dont "get it"...

why does it have to be "un-normal" for a woman to want a as natural a birth as possible? is there something im missing here? are we living in some warped society.. I DONT GET IT!!! Comments like "its so dangerous to have a vbac" ... really? really? have you done ANY research, do you know anything at all? how dare you make an opinion when you know NOTHING! Please tell me Im not the only one who feels this way...

::steps down off soapbox for the day::

[lyterae]

I've been told that I'm "lucky" because next time I can just schedule my birth. I'm so blessed that my DH is on my side about having a VBAC for our next birth.

[Mom2M]

Check this out
http://www.facebook.com/#!/theunnecesarean
Good stuff for fb friends, lol

You are not the only one who feels this way! Go for the VBAC, I had the best experience, it actually helped me feel healed from having the c sections.

[jillmamma]

Another good answer might be to mention the recovery time and process is much easier and faster after a vaginal birth. I get looked at like I have horns on my head when I mention that I birthed without medication. I have been fortunate enough to not require any cesarean births, but I certainly can understand why you would want to avoid it again if you can!

[AFWife]

I've never had a c/s but...

I don't understand how people can try to avoid surgery in every other situation (Like, "Let's try physical therapy before we go digging around in X joint" or "Let's do a special diet" or something) but when it comes to BIRTH people jump in line to have surgery because it's "easier."

My vaginal recovery was nothing. I had a small tear and it was virtually painless to heal...I can't imagine why you'd ASK to be operated on..

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by jillmamma

Another good answer might be to mention the recovery time and process is much easier and faster after a vaginal birth. I get looked at like I have horns on my head when I mention that I birthed without medication. I have been fortunate enough to not require any cesarean births, but I certainly can understand why you would want to avoid it again if you can!

Alot of people don't see it that way though, they see it as there is no way you could birth without an epidural/drugs, so why not just get the c-section and avoid all the trouble?

When I tell people I fully intend on birthing at home next time they look at me like I'm crazy, that I actually intend to labor again and go through it all on purpose. I've been through labor, I dialated to 10 and I pushed for close to 3 hours and then waited for another hour before my daughter was born via c-section. I was drug-free up until the c-section, it's not like I didn't experience any "pain"....

</end rant>

[_ktg_]

I no longer present my opinions on birth anymore unless asked pointblank and I try very hard not to judge but see each time as an opportunity to present (gently) information. There is a lot of misinformation, fear and lack of compassion on both sides regarding birth and birth choices made by women.

[Climbergirl]

Ack! My MIL is kinda the same way (who was an L&D nurse 30 years ago, so she definitely knows how things should be done). I absolutely LOVE that "healthy baby" comment. No, I was thinking of doing a VBAC because I want an unhealthy baby. Yep, let me go through 1st tri hell and then being tired and what not, just so I can birth an unhealthy baby.

I love how your health is never even thought of. Really, a repeat c-section has much higher risk of complications than the first. And I had a ton of complications, so why in the world would I want to do a surgery that almost killed me last time? Does that make any sense?

There was a quote in Pushed I meant to write down before I returned it to the library. But it basically went like this: All moms want a healthy baby. The goal should be to have a healthy baby AND mom. Because a mom will always make a decision with the baby's health in mind. To infer that she wouldn't is disrespectful and wrong (she used a better word).

Yikes, I wish I wrote that down! If anyone has the book, can you find the paragraph? It is towards the end of the book.

[SalmonBayDoula]

here is a wonderful essay written by an ICAN leader:

It really speaks to my heart and maybe to yours as well!

http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/C...begrateful.htm

Follow your intuition mama and listen to your heart!
Sharon

[lovelymomma]

thanks everyone!! Im glad to hear im not the only one.. I love that quote by the way and would LOVE to know what it is right out of the book. its sooo incredibly true

[MNHall]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I don't understand how people can try to avoid surgery in every other situation (Like, "Let's try physical therapy before we go digging around in X joint" or "Let's do a special diet" or something) but when it comes to BIRTH people jump in line to have surgery because it's "easier."

I love this point!!! Yes....why is surgery such a big deal...until it comes to birthing a baby...then, people just think it's no biggy!

[_ktg_]

Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula

here is a wonderful essay written by an ICAN leader:

It really speaks to my heart and maybe to yours as well!

http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/C...begrateful.htm

Follow your intuition mama and listen to your heart!
Sharon

Sharon - that is a beautiful essay.

[Okapi]

Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula

here is a wonderful essay written by an ICAN leader:

It really speaks to my heart and maybe to yours as well!

http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/C...begrateful.htm

Follow your intuition mama and listen to your heart!
Sharon

Wow. Thank you so much for posting this. I heard that phrase (or some variation) many times, and each time it hurt and confused me. Now I know why.

[jennybean0722]

Its the birth culture in our country. The pendulum has swung the other way and women like to "schedule" things...everything. Its just part of our get-it-now / iphone / impatient culture. We don't like waiting....and why not use the very best of the technology we have? DUH. ARGH, its so hard to hear.

My mother, who had my brothers and I naturally, is caught up in the "normal" birth culture too. I just started doula-ing (?) and she is on call for my children. It doesn't fail, she always asks 'when do you think they'll go into labor?'. Seriously. She wants to know the time and day. I have to remind her EVERY time that God and/or the woman/baby make that decision, not me.

Nevermind the expectations we put on women to have the baby in 24 hrs. It takes us 5 days to get an unfertilized cell out of our bodies....but goodness me if takes more than a few hours to get a few billion out at the same time!

[MissE]

I watched one of those baby shows the other day and that girl went into labor, her mom was with her and suddenly it seemed like all she cares for was the unborn baby. Not that she shouldn't care for that unborn baby but she was like "well, this is childbirth and she'll have to have a c/s, so she has to get through it. The important thing is to have a healthy baby in the end". But her daughter was being cut open on the table, she wasn't able to move or hold her baby or nurse it or whatnot...SHE WAS NOT HEALTHY at that point, she was hurting and medicated...But all that mattered to grandma was a healthy baby, not her daughter. So sad to see that.

That girl needed a c/s because the baby measured big (9lbs) and mom was rather small. She went into labor herself, her water broke, she went to the hospital in full blown labor mode and was immediately prepped for surgery to birth a 8lbs 7oz babygirl via c/s. They didn't even give her a chance. That actually didn't even happen in the US but in Germany.

So..that was that.

@OP: Go for the VBAC. I had people ask me if I knew what I was doing and one nurse (who went for a repeat c/s with her daughter and needed extrablood because they messed something up during surgery) gave me the yee-ol "yeah...but you have to have reallly well trained doctors for a VBAC, not everybody is allowed to do it and the chance of scar rupture is so much bigger" etc...

I'm glad I didn't let it face me and just went for the VBAC. It was so much easier to birth vaginally. I got an episiotomy because my babygirls heart rate went down during pushing but even that was nothing compared to the pain after the c/s. I was - after the VBAC - up within 2hrs (after nursing and looking at baby), in the shower, eating, walking around. After my c/s I needed two people to hold me and almost fainted in the shower because I was in so much pain.

Go for it, you can do it. Good luck.

[Mama_of_1]

OP: My aunt had that exact response when I told her that we were going to have DD via VBAC. She is dead set convinced that "once a cs, always a cs." Her response was, "but it's dangerous, you could rupture" - really?

Sheep.

[VBACMama2007]

Originally Posted by lovelymomma

"well you already have the scar, why wouldnt you just have them that way, no added pain, no pushing, exc"...

Soooo having a c-section means not having "added pain" ??? I had a c-section with my oldest son and a VBAC with my second son and BELIEVE ME, the pain DURING the c-section and after the c-section was a trillion times worse than what I felt giving birth naturally to my second son. After my c-section I was so messed up, physically and emotionally. I literally was terrified of sleeping flat on my back. I had to sleep in a sitting position for months. I had pain from scar tissue for well over a year and spent a lot of time in tears. YEAH, that c-section added no extra pain . After my VBAC, I had a small tear and the healing time was nothing. It was the most empowering experience of my life. I kept saying, "I did it! I did it!" after he came out . I say go for the VBAC! Do not listen to anyone else because they are obviously not educated on the matter (I mean, how can giving birth the way we were meant to, be more dangerous then a major surgery? It's common sense).

[cathicog]

I don't remember who originally said this, but I repeat it all the time:

If women were meant to give birth surgically, we would've been born with zippers on our bellies.

Go for the VBAC. About 30-50% of the clients I have seen as both a doula and a midwife assistant have been VBACs,because they didn't know the hospital would basically "set them up for surgery"...Inductions at 38 weeks, Pitocin, epidurals, it's all designed to keep a woman still and compliant. If she can't move around, how can she get in the best position to labor her baby down? Best way to avoid surgery is to stay out of the hospital for the first birth. We have to teach women that, and if they don't want to hear it now, they might remember it later. It DOES matter how our babies are born. We shouldn't have to spend the first 6 months of our babies' lives recuperating from major abdominal surgery, and trying to bond thru the pain...ouch. Just thinking of that hurts. Bless all you moms who have had c/s...It shows how strong women really are...

[smpayne]

Originally Posted by lovelymomma

"well you already have the scar, why wouldnt you just have them that way, no added pain, no pushing, exc"... my answer "because i desperately want to experience that, in all its painful glory.

I have not had a c/s, but I watched other people after a surgery and seen friends hospitalized for upto a month after a c/s for various reasons.

I think I would say: No added pain????? Are you crazy? Have you ever had staples in your gut? Do you have any idea how much it hurts just to move even 4 days later? Not to mention, not being able to pick anything up for fear of ripping everything apart. What is 4-30hrs of labor pain vs weeks of recovery pain.

JMO

[BarefootScientist]

I've never been in the VBAC forum before and never had a c/s, but I was passing by, and I found your quote for you, Climbergirl.

Lyon argues that this thinking perpetuates a phrase often invoked in exam rooms and delivery rooms: The goal is to have a healthy baby. "The phrase is used over and over and over to shut down women's requests," she says. "The context needs to be that the goal is a healthy mom. Because mothers never make decisions without thinking about that healthy baby. And to suggest otherwise is insulting and degrading and disrespectful."

Pushed, p. 271

Good luck on your VBACs, OP and others. I have a friend who had a very awful first birth by c/s with many complications afterwards, and just the other day she had a successful VBAC! Go ladies go!