Significant change in toddler behavior

[painefaria]

Ds is 3 and up until this week has been one of the sweetest children that I have ever been around. This week he has changed. He is very angry and he will tell you that he likes to be angry. He yells, hits, bites, kicks, spits, etc this has never occured until Tuesday. We are at the end of the rope... We have tried time outs, time away, walks, playground time (before the episodes to tire him out), taking his toys away and nothing has worked. He has actually become so violent that we have had to restrain him at times because he is hitting/kicking so hard he is leaving marks. There have been no major events in the last week or so that would have triggered his behavior. We are supposed to go to his grandparents tonight and we are hesitant to go because we do not want to reward bad behavior but our trip is a Father's day present to his dad and grandfather. So what would you do?

[PeachBaby]

Have you ruled out allergies/intolerances? Maybe he didn't have any before (or it didn't manifest), but perhaps he does now? Various types of food allergies such as to dyes/preservatives/etc. Or dairy/wheat/soy..... If his gut flora is out of balance, bad toxins could be produced which often affect the brain, causing children to act out. If it is allergies, discipline may not work effectively until the underlying cause is dealt with. Lots of talk on the allergies forum that you could check out or ask for advice (if it is indeed allergies).

[pbjmama]

Sounds like he is trying something new...and it is working! You are reacting and he is pushing you hard. How about turning the tables on him and not giving him alot of feedback? At our house it might go something like this...child acts out, parent gives reminder, child acts out, consequence given with no emotion.

I would let him know it is okay to feel angry, we all do sometimes but it is not okay to hurt people. I'm not a big fan of the traditional time out but at our house when you intentionally hurt someone you are removed from the situation. Let him know that if he hurts someone on purpose the consequence is X (whatever you decide and can be consistent with). If you feel angry here are some things you can do to cope. When you see the anger coming you can get in front of it - oh, I can see you are making an angry face. How about we go outside where we can stomp out our anger!

I don't think a 3 year old generally has the cognitive ability to see a trip as a reward for something that happened more than a day ago.

[kms7z]

could he be overtired? my son gets like this when he is tired-- it's like jekyl and hyde! hang in there and I hope you firgure it out. i agree, i don't think he'd see the trip as a reward so don't sweat that.

[painefaria]

Thanks for the replies... We already have him on a limited food intake due to his wheat/dairy allergies. Most of his food is made at home and he eats very little processed foods. The only processed food that is regularly eaten is cereal and soy milk. As for everything else we have been pretty focused on the foods that he eats and we limit sugars (even fruit)all day and especially after 5pm as well as no dyes, limited preservatives. So I am not sure if it is a food related problem. (unless we go down the salicylates road)

I know that he is pushing limits and we have used time out's sucessfully up until a week ago and sadly I can not put him somewhere by himself because I am afraid that he would totally destroy the area that he is in (he has put holes in our walls while sitting in time out during the last week) The main issue is that it is directly related to sleep and not getting what he wants and there is really no indicator before the episode. Last evening, for example, we went to the pool and he swam for an hour or so, we came home and did our normal bedtime routine and went to bed. We cuddled and read for about 35 - 40 minutes and when I said that I would not read him another book he slapped me across my face. This is a child that we have never hit, so I am not sure where this is coming from. So without much conversation I picked him up and put his shoes on and we walked. I did not talk to him as we walk and we walked fast. When I notice that he is starting to drag a little I stopped and tried to talk to him and he hit me again so we continued. I think that we walked close to 8 blocks before he was ready to stop hitting me and apoligize. He was extremely exhausted and went to sleep almost as soon as we got home. a similar situation happened today at nap time. Not that I won't continue but really I don't want to be walking a mile at 9:30 at night because it really makes it hard for me to sleep. Our scheudle is really tight due to DP's job (she works at UPS and starts work usually at 4am) and we need him to go to bed and take naps. Any pearls of wisdom? I am really dragging today and I am not sure how much longer we can do this.

[PeachBaby]

I know you said there were no major events in the last week, but could it be possible that he may have experienced something traumatic that perhaps you didn't happen to see? (Of course I hope not, but if it were to explain why he's behaving this way......?)

Have you asked him why he is angry? What is his response? Maybe whatever is bothering him may not be something that would bother an adult, but for a young child maybe it bothers him? I wonder if he could even verbalize why specifically he is angry though....

Also, from the allergies forum, I have learned that if avoiding dairy, it may also be helpful to avoid soy at the same time as well (just in case that's an angle you haven't yet considered).

I hope you can figure it out soon ~