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Do Your Kids Ever Go to Bed Hungry? - Page 9

post #161 of 303
Yes. I don't mean throwing a fir hungry. But we cook good food here. Dd can always have fruit or raw veggies no matter what. We also ask dd1 for input for meals.

For meals, we do our best to include ingredients she likes. But this is not a restaurant. If I made pasta with peas and you like those things but you decided you don't want to eat then hey no prob, don't eat.

Now if I have made something that is a possible "not like" on her list or a new food, the deal is she needs to try one fork/spoonful. If she doesn't like it and there is truely nothing else on the table that she would eat, then she may have a yogurt or pb sandwich. But otherwise what you see is what you get.
post #162 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellabaz View Post
Now if I have made something that is a possible "not like" on her list or a new food, the deal is she needs to try one fork/spoonful. If she doesn't like it and there is truely nothing else on the table that she would eat, then she may have a yogurt or pb sandwich. But otherwise what you see is what you get.
We also make the kids try one bite of everything new or previously disliked. No exceptions. That's the only way two of them would ever develop any new tastes, and they are always surprised they actually DO like the foods, or start to like them if they didn't before!
post #163 of 303
it is very easy for adults to say "suck it up" then it is for kids to live it. yes, as an adult i will gag down all sorts of stuff to fill my belly, but that is harder for kids to do and understand.

i totally get the money issue,but i don't know a store that doesn't have some sort of fruit and veg on sale (apples come to mind and carrots).

and i hate the line about kids around the world going without. that reminds of the stuff my mom use to say... didn't make the food taste better. and i agree with a pp that it seems almost sinful to make a child go to bed hungry when so many parents have to, but would choose otherwise.


h
post #164 of 303
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ssh View Post
This says if the 3 year old doesn't eat the meal, she goes to bed or to the park hungry. She gets two snacks a day, not she can have bread before bed or left over dinner. And it happens once or twice a week. Also the child may be somewhat hungry for up to three days.
She might go to the PARK without a snack. MIGHT. It doesn't mean she does.

And for the point about hunger, I am saying that a child involved in a power struggle could hold out for several days without eating the food she or he did not want to eat. Not that my child actually does.

Musician Dad, your child is not yet two? I assume that neither you nor your DH is nursing and that your child is off the bottle. I am also assuming that in this case, since most babies, if given the chance, will nurse until around two or even later, snacking in your baby's case is providing the intermittent nutrition nursing otherwise would.

Just like I nurse my own baby frequently and at night when she's hungry.

My question is directed at parents of children that are mostly on solids, that are children, who are allowed to experience at times natural consequences. A baby not even two years old would in my opinion not be exposed to many natural consequences at all. So I can see your point for your child. But wait until your baby gets older, and maybe you will be able to sympathise with the position of having just sat down to dinner (on your feet all day, of course, cooking) and having someone say,

"But... I didn't want CARROTS in my soup! Can I have rice?"
"But we always have carrots in our chicken soup. You said you wanted chicken soup."
"Not with carrots!"
"I'll take the carrots out if you want-"
"I want rice."



Quote:
Allergies, intolerance, of even just plain dislike are all reasons someone who is starving won't eat something presented.
I'm not sure you've ever seen a truly starving person. I've worked with children who haven't eaten in days. Well, that is an exaggeration. I worked on programs helping them and I just monitored them. Their parents had to dig dirt out of their pockets, grass out of their pockets, because they would eat it. They would eat paper. They would eat plenty of things that would make them sick, so strong was the instinct to get any nutrition.



Luckily, none of our children are facing that.

You suggest we don't budget. Our entire income is budgeted to the last dollar, every single penny. We save every grocery receipt. That is how we are managing to spend so much on food. It just so happens that we have other expenses--work related (like the Internet) which will be reimbursed later, clothing, transport, etc. etc. We COULD spend more on food, sure. I mean, who needs retirement or life insurance, really?

But why would we give up, say, our ability to have the kids in activities merely so that they could eat nothing but bananas all day, if they wanted to?!?! What would that achieve for the child? Besides, as we all know, once the bananas are bought, suddenly the child wants something else.

Must be nice to be in a city or sector not affected by the economic downturn and to have never been hungry.
post #165 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree View Post
it is very easy for adults to say "suck it up" then it is for kids to live it. yes, as an adult i will gag down all sorts of stuff to fill my belly, but that is harder for kids to do and understand.
Again, no one mentioned gagging anything down. The kids like the food they are refusing. I would never force my kids to eat something they didn't like in order to fill their bellies. THAT would be a power struggle and create food issues. Asking them to eat something they already like, if there is nothing else in the house and I refuse to make junk, is not asking too much.

Quote:
i totally get the money issue,but i don't know a store that doesn't have some sort of fruit and veg on sale (apples come to mind and carrots).
And again, you have three or four or five kids and money's tight, a couple bags of apples isn't going to last through the next paycheck.

Quote:
and i hate the line about kids around the world going without.
If you mean my rice comment, I was actually thinking of kids in Asia who eat rice at every single meal. They are healthy and they are well fed. The banana I just threw in as a random dessert/snack because it seemed universal.

I also don't like the third world similarities because I don't aim to feed my children like they do, but I do aim to feed them so that they learn to appreciate a good meal and don't grow up picky.
post #166 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anastasiya View Post

And like I said, at that point it becomes their issue, not mine. The food is there.
Um, no. The food isn't the kid's issue. When there is food available and the child goes to bed hungry because mom or dad says "well you didn't eat your dinner", the food is the parents issues. The kid's issue is that they are trying to have some semblance of control over their own body and bodily processes but are being denied by the parent who thinks their child should eat what is put in front of them or go hungry.

So your kid doesn't eat dinner. Wrap it up and put it in the fridge. It keeps, food isn't ruined just because it's all ready been served once. Offer it up later as a possibility. If it is truly something your child likes to eat then chances are they will eat it before it goes bad.

As for balanced meals, sorry but what a parent cooks, even if it's healthy, doesn't always meet the needs of the child. As I stated earlier in the thread, DD is not generally a huge eater, but there are times she can eat more than myself and my DH combined because her body needs it. Since she is the only one who knows what her body is saying, she's the only one that can tell us what her body needs. It would be pretty selfish of me to say "No, you eat three balanced meals a day so you don't really need that."

As for $$$, that's what sales, and coupons and friends with gardens are for. There is more than one way to get food besides going to the store and paying a butt load of cash for a few fruits or veggies.
post #167 of 303
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Again, no one mentioned gagging anything down. The kids like the food they are refusing. I would never force my kids to eat something they didn't like in order to fill their bellies. THAT would be a power struggle and create food issues. Asking them to eat something they already like, if there is nothing else in the house and I refuse to make junk, is not asking too much.
And I think most of us don't even ask our kids to taste food. My children will never have to gag down anything. If they don't like it, they can eat their alternative--bread. Or another dish. I mean really. Since when is it necessary for the child to determine the menu?

Does this mean that 99.99% of the world's children that live in households in which food is limited but sufficient, in which adults determine the menu, are somehow "gagging" things down?

I just don't think it happens that way.
Quote:
i totally get the money issue,but i don't know a store that doesn't have some sort of fruit and veg on sale (apples come to mind and carrots).
But sometimes they don't want apples or carrots. The other day I had six bananas nobody wanted. It was all about apples. Today I had an apple left, and she asked for a mango. I let her check the fridge herself, and she picked the apple.

No drama. No gagging. No starvation. No power struggle. In fact, it was pretty simple.
post #168 of 303
i do have 5 children of all sorts of ages and stages and i guess after 16 years of raising kids i choose not to fight with them about food. they know when they are hungry, just as i know when i am hungry... they know what they like (and that can change day today with little ones just trying everything out) i have yet to read anyone here say feed them cake make them junk to eat if they won't eat dinner.
i do have an issue with this being on the GD board as it doesn't seem gentle at all. i was under the impression that GD started with compassion and understanding...


h
post #169 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Um, no. The food isn't the kid's issue. When there is food available and the child goes to bed hungry because mom or dad says "well you didn't eat your dinner", the food is the parents issues.
Who said this??? I certainly didn't. Are you even reading what I'm writing or just responding to what you THINK I'm saying?

IF my kids don't like dinner, they do NOT go to bed hungry. They have NEVER gone to bed hungry.

They have an option: A peanut butter sandwich, which they always choose if dinner's a no-go.

What I'm saying that if they even refuse THAT OPTION (which they love) because they want pancakes or french toast or ice cream or pickled chicken wings with grape jelly and I don't have them or won't make them, then yes, my child is CHOOSING to go to bed hungry.

Which, like I said, has never happened.

Quote:
The kid's issue is that they are trying to have some semblance of control over their own body and bodily processes but are being denied by the parent who thinks their child should eat what is put in front of them or go hungry.
I think it's totally reasonable for a child to be given a few options, and they can choose from those options. I am not going to cater to every whim all of my 4 kids have.

Quote:
So your kid doesn't eat dinner. Wrap it up and put it in the fridge. It keeps, food isn't ruined just because it's all ready been served once. Offer it up later as a possibility. If it is truly something your child likes to eat then chances are they will eat it before it goes bad.
We do that.

Quote:
As for balanced meals, sorry but what a parent cooks, even if it's healthy, doesn't always meet the needs of the child. As I stated earlier in the thread, DD is not generally a huge eater, but there are times she can eat more than myself and my DH combined because her body needs it. Since she is the only one who knows what her body is saying, she's the only one that can tell us what her body needs. It would be pretty selfish of me to say "No, you eat three balanced meals a day so you don't really need that."
Over the course of a week, if a parent is cooking balanced meals, yes, a child will get what they need. Usually by eating more or less of those meals as needed. My kids have gone through lots of growth spurts, and the snacking has never really changed because they just spend more time eating their meals.

And it's not selfish of a parent to tell a child they cannot have a snack if the parent cannot afford snacks, in the first place. I feel like you're totally slamming all the parents here who have more than one or two kids and don't have the $$$ to do what you do.

As for myself, this house is always stocked full of snacks. We have fruit and veggies everywhere. We have cheese all the time. Crackers in the pantries. We even have the expensive cherries that so many covet. Still, I am in no position to TELL another mother that she's being selfish by wanting her kids to fill up on meals rather than snacks.

Quote:
As for $$$, that's what sales, and coupons and friends with gardens are for. There is more than one way to get food besides going to the store and paying a butt load of cash for a few fruits or veggies.
And these options are not always accessible to everyone.
post #170 of 303
ok apperently my "gagging" statement is what you want to hook on... what i was meaning was, i will eat something i am not in the mood for because i need to eat. so even if i love XYZ i may not be in the mood for it right now BUT because it is there i will eat that. but then i have 37 years of life experience to know that it is ok, 3 year old doesn't.
i have a 3 year old i have a hard time getting him to understand the toilet, how am i suppose to get him to understand that what i place in front of him right now has to last him all night and if he isn't in the mood well you can have bread and deal.

h
post #171 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree View Post
ok apperently my "gagging" statement is what you want to hook on... what i was meaning was, i will eat something i am not in the mood for because i need to eat. so even if i love XYZ i may not be in the mood for it right now BUT because it is there i will eat that. but then i have 37 years of life experience to know that it is ok, 3 year old doesn't.
i have a 3 year old i have a hard time getting him to understand the toilet, how am i suppose to get him to understand that what i place in front of him right now has to last him all night and if he isn't in the mood well you can have bread and deal.

h
I don't know how to answer that because I have never had a problem with it.

A 3 year old also doesn't understand why Mommy won't fix ice cream with chocolate syrup at every meal. Or french toast before bedtime. Or brownies for lunch. These are things my kids used to ask for. They got told No. They didn't always understand WHY, even when I explained why, but I'm not going to give them what they wanted just because they don't "get" it. So yeah, they've got to "deal" with Mommy not making junk.
post #172 of 303
This thread is starting to teeter on members taking direct issue with each other, which is a violation of the user agreement at MDC. If you disagree, focus on the objective points you want to discuss. Not everyone is going to agree. Debate is fine, open frustration towards another member is not. The thread will have to be shut down or edited if it becomes personal.
post #173 of 303
why oh why does the feed them junk statement keep coming up? no one here has said to feed them junk. not a single person. what has been said is to let them regulate their own food intake, and to offer them food when they are hungry.
my issue has been the attitude of "let them deal" and they can choose dinner (which they apparently love but are trying to make mom's life heck by not eating) or eat bread (sometimes with PB other times without). not really a choice. but whatever. i guess i have an issue with that sort of thinking when it comes to little kids. having raise 5 kids who have all reached three i think that is an issue that they have a hard time with.

so maybe my best choice would be to stop posting on this topic.

h
post #174 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaofthree View Post
why oh why does the feed them junk statement keep coming up? no one here has said to feed them junk. not a single person.
Yes, at least two people. Because the OP and myself (and maybe some others?) have said that that's what OUR kids sometimes want. Junk.

She listed a bunch herself - her child wanted pancakes. Cake. Ice cream.
Etc....

Quote:
what has been said is to let them regulate their own food intake, and to offer them food when they are hungry.
Which I agree with, and which I myself DO, but not to the tune of belittling other parents (by calling them selfish or what have you) who literally cannot afford to do so, as it seems to be the OP's case right now.

Quote:
not really a choice. but whatever.
If I make a good meal of pasta (which they love), chicken breasts (which they love), broccoli (which they love), a whole wheat dinner roll with honey butter (which they love) and a yummy sun dried tomato sauce (which they love), and offer a dessert plate of strawberries and blueberries and cherries with a dollop of whipped cream (all which they love), and if they still refuse they can have the old standby of a peanut butter sandwich (which they love), then I fail to see how they don't have many choices. There are tons of options right there. They can eat pasta to their heart's content, or just chicken, or just berries, whatever. And if we run out of the dinner, then I make more of the same thing just so they can eat enough of it, but I won't make something entirely new.

That's a whole lot of options. And if they look at all that (which they love) and tell me they really wanted blueberry pancakes with cottage cheese on the side, then yeah, the answer's gonna be no. Maybe tomorrow.

And no one here seems to take issue with that.
post #175 of 303
I had this problem, then I went raw and discovered the kids preferred it. They were rejecting my cooked foods. I haven't read the whole thread but just in case it hasn't been mentioned I thought I'd say it.

We were originally designed to eat raw plant foods, over time we moved from indigenous grazers on the land to agricultured and living in tight groups and started to use fire to heat and cook food - destorying the nutrients in the food, so in combination with our altered living conditions causing diseases of "affluence", the diet also added less protection and more toxins. Moving from raw indigenous living was the beginning of the end of our health and joy.

Children are still in a pristine state, the younger the child, the more likely they will be picky, esp if it isn't organic. They can actually taste the residue of pesticides.

I learned all this a few years ago and it all made sense so I put it to the test. Sure enough, organic cooked food was more likely to go down, and raw food always does (but not if it is in competition with msg or sugared foods, which act like a drug). I am moving towards being fully raw myself so I have since learned more about that and find other kids respond to this also, not just mine.

Although, I notice that the children who are most resistant to dietary simplicity are those who have been introduced to the most dietary complexity... fakely sweet foods (sugar added), meats, msg, etc... these things corrupt the palette and take a while to reverse. However, once reversed, they seem to almost unanimously prefer raw foods.

I know that seems odd, esp when struggling with a child who won't eat a salad to save their life. But it isn't an issue in indigenous cultures, and that is for a reason. We corrupt their palettes, and to go back to a simple diet means struggling through until their palettes are clear again (same for adults). Our culture's foods are overwhelming to babies and toddlers, just like our gadgets and noises... we generally live contrary to our design, and we certainly eat contrary to our design. We instinctively know this and resonate with it when we hear it, but living it is not so easy initially. However, I find I solve my kid's eating issues when there is only raw fruit and veg available in the house, and I also solve any health issues at the same time

An alternative to think about.
post #176 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calm View Post
I had this problem, then I went raw and discovered the kids preferred it. They were rejecting my cooked foods. I haven't read the whole thread but just in case it hasn't been mentioned I thought I'd say it....
An alternative to think about.
I think it's a good one. You just made something click in me actually. My kids will seldom touch cooked veggies, if it's "soggy" (I don't make soggy veggies, but they don't like the slightly softer texture) it doesn't pass. So most of the kids veggies are served raw. We will usually partake in some too, in addition to our cooked veggies.

My guys don't go to bed hungry as sometimes frustrating as it is. We almost always have some apples and bananas which are the cheapest fruit in our area. Yogurt, whole grain crackers, cheese, etc. However, I do make even the 2.5 year old prepare the snack if they won't eat their meal. Usually daddy does this though, just to reinforce the message that mommy is not making two meals.

My oldest (soon to be 5) is picky. I love to cook elaborate (and gorgeous if I do say so myself) meals so it's a clash of two worlds. But there are some staples he will eat and are healthy, thankfully fruits and veggies are on the list.

I grew up going to bed hungry simply because there wasn't enough food and I guess it's just stuck with me. I cannot send them anywhere if I know they are hungry. I will often bag up some snacks in a baggie to throw in the car.

Other times when we were living with my father, there were intense power struggles over food and I refused to try different things up until very recently. I still cannot stomach some foods unless pureed, although I know I like their tastes, but it's just a mental thing, so I'm a bit sensitive to creating food issues.
post #177 of 303
I came back to add a few things in case anyone was interested in the raw food angle.

Two things worked wonderfully for us and one was to go in the backyard and eat the greens. There are sites, like this one, that help you identify wild greens - kids LOVE hunting wild greens and you may be surprised at the fussy eaters when they chew on some greens out there. We have chickweed, nasturtiums, dandelion, clovers, etc... and my son (2yo) in particular loves picking from the lawn and eating, he does it all day.

My daughter enjoys it but is more likely to grab something from inside, so I have to make sure there is a platter always going for her to pick at. Neither of my kids like "meal times" so that didn't work for us, I notice it is a common problem. I still have meal time, but I might just add chinese pancakes to the plate to wrap things in. My son picks at food all day and has weird eating times, as my daughter did. She is at school so tows the line there, but my son still marches to the beat of his own drum so having veggies like cabbage, beans, carrots and tomatoes on the table keeps him happy and fed.. he prefers them to be whole, not cut, but that bugs me as he doesn't finish anything... half eaten carrots laying around isn't appealing so I'm still figuring that out.

Children are drawn to sugar... however, that was naturally designed, as all things have a purpose even if science hasn't figured them out yet. The sugar craving was for the brain growth, however in nature, children are drawn to fruit. Fruit sugars are perfect for brains, which run on glucose. Children pretty much live on fruit (sugar), however, if left to modern design, will fill this need with candy. The glucose in candy isn't molecularly the same, and problems arise, as we all know.

So don't restrict fruit, ignore the food pyramid (that thing is a joke), as fruit is the mainstay for kids, as are fats (young green coconuts, olives, avocadoes). My son loves nuts so I make sure there are always some soaked or some seeds sprouted for him. Unsoaked nuts have nutrient inhibitors in them. Nature designed humans to eat nuts after they started germinating, hence why we can't enter the shell without a "tool" - we weren't meant to. Modern kitchens can replicate this by soaking nuts.

I hope that helps. Basically, wild greens helps cleanse and release the palatte and connect the babes to the earth; a platter going all day appeases the toddlers. Chocolate (raw, of course) is perfect for kids. Raw cacao nibs are a favourite around here, and are full of magnesium and antioxidents and things that make them giddy with joy without the come down of milk and sugar laden cooked chocolate. Berries, kids love berries.

Concerned about protein? Don't be. Breast milk is only 2 to 7% protein, which is how much our diet should be, and a raw green diet supplies more amino acids than that! Too much protein is killing us all.

In love and good health. :
post #178 of 303
Calm, I find that very interesting. My son who is a very picky eater (more than most are talking about here - he's got Aspergers and sensory issues and didn't eat much real food until age 5!!!) - prefers raw food.

I might be slicing mushrooms to cook into our dinner, and he'll prefer to eat them raw. Same with most fruits and veggies - broccoli is one of the few he'll eat cooked, everything else he much prefers to snack on raw. The kid lives off raw fresh fruit, veggies and the occasional scrambled egg.
post #179 of 303
I think kids can go through phases where they need less food than we think. There are times when I think DS MUST be going to bed hungry because there simply wasn't anything he wanted to eat in the entire pantry or fridge, but he falls asleep happy as can be and wakes up feeling refreshed and well slept.

Other times he eats almost constantly and I think "NO WAY could he still be hungry!" but he will eat all the snacks in the healthy snacking stash, and then go on to eat a dinner I didn't really think he'd try let alone devour, and ask for a sandwich an hour after that.

Then two days later the only thing that appeals to him are Oreos or he'd rather not eat.

I always say if you don't like what's for dinner, there's the kitchen. If I have some ingredient special that I don't want touched because I am making something fancy or I want to ration it for whatever reason, I will simply say that's off limits.
post #180 of 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post
I think kids can go through phases where they need less food than we think. There are times when I think DS MUST be going to bed hungry because there simply wasn't anything he wanted to eat in the entire pantry or fridge, but he falls asleep happy as can be and wakes up feeling refreshed and well slept.

Other times he eats almost constantly and I think "NO WAY could he still be hungry!" but he will eat all the snacks in the healthy snacking stash, and then go on to eat a dinner I didn't really think he'd try let alone devour, and ask for a sandwich an hour after that.

Then two days later the only thing that appeals to him are Oreos or he'd rather not eat.

I always say if you don't like what's for dinner, there's the kitchen. If I have some ingredient special that I don't want touched because I am making something fancy or I want to ration it for whatever reason, I will simply say that's off limits.
My 4.5 year old DD does the same thing. I never know if she's going to be hungry or not. For example on Tuesday she had a glass of milk, 5 glasses of veggie juices and some grapes, everything else was just a nibble. And then yesterday was brown rice then meat then eggs and then chicken, whole grain tortilla and corn for dinner and then left over cold chicken for bedtime snack. Hey, I guess it was protein day. Usually it's more balanced, but the amount of food isn't predictable.
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