Renaming a child

[mjol]

My BIL and SIL would like to rename their child. The little boy is just over a year. They brought it up at Easter and nothing came of it and then at a family BBQ they told everyone they didn't like the name anymore and were changing it. Everyone was shocked, one because at a year a child has name recognition (they claim they use a nickname anyways never his actual name) but everyone else uses his name. And two because they chose the name why did they not think about this then ( and its not like this is something you buy at costco and then decide a year later you don't like it??!!! and exchange it)

I guess what i am asking is- is it selfish because they chose a name and a year later aren't happy with it and why not just call him by his actual name from the beginning or use his middle name. I just wonder of the ramifications emotionally and psychologically and since they use a nickname anyways what would be the point of changing his name.... sorry to rant but sometimes they drive me crazy!

[BellinghamCrunchie]

It sounds like BIL and SIL must have other issues and behaviors that are problematic such that this one thing is driving you crazy.

I don't really see anything wrong with changing a child's name at age one, or any age, as long as its done thoughtfully and with the child's best interests in mind, and with the child's participation as much as possible.

Our DD was born early and we felt pressured to come up with a name quickly. I am still happy with the name we chose, but I can see how it could have been different. I could have made a mistake under those circumstances, regret my hasty decision, have since found the perfect name, and want to change it.

[mjol]

yeah we have different parenting ideas.

I just find it hard to comprehend what benefit their son will have changing his name if they intend to still use his nickname?

I am just hoping they are thinking long term, I just can not find the benefit of changing his name if you are still not going to call him that new name anyways-- just a piece of paper???

[LuckyMommaToo]

I think it's a little quirky/weird/noteworthy, but it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I guess I kind of admire them for changing it if they really feel it doesn't fit. Of course, I'm dying to know the before and after!
-e

[Shenjall]

I'll pose you another question: Whats the harm in changing it if they're only going to use a nickname anyway?

My sis changed my nephews middle name when he was about a year old. Granted, it was his middle name, not his first, but still a name that was more or less, only used for the peice of paper. She didnt feel like it was *his* name. It was a name she always loved, always wanted to give her son, but it didnt suit him when he was born, so she gave it to him as a middle name. It was around a year that it really hit her that it wasnt his name, at all. So, she changed it. No biggie. He's 7 now, he knows, and doesnt really care. He teases her about it. "mom gave me the wrong name so she had to change it", lol.

I want to know the before/after too!

[lilyka]

Why not change it? Its a weird American (western?) culture thing to keep the same name always anyway. In some cultures it is quite common to change your name at signifigant events or because once the child developed a little it was clear the name, meaning of the name etc just did not suit them. My children were given baptismal names at their baptism and they were 12, 8, and 5. They were actually quite excited to get new names. And people use them. And they love it. If they wanted to legally change their names I would support them 100%. I would love to change mine legally but it is close enough that I can use it, even on documents and such and no one questions it.

Also when a child is adopted it is not all uncommon to change their name even if they are toddlers or older.

Seriously, in many cultures changing a name is common or even expected. If it caused problems there would be whole cultures with people who were emotionally scarred over a name change.

I actually know lpts of people who have changed their kids name....no harm done

It is just a name. There really is no hazard to changing it.

However if you guys make a big deal about it and make him feel bad about it will do far more damage than changing a name in and of itself ever could.

[eepster]

I know an adult who went through something like this as a child. He has issues with it. Obviously the intention behind the change is likely to effect how the child feels about the change, but most of the time I would say it is a selfish act on the part of the parents.

It says to the child that his/her parents aren't happy with him/her just the way he/she is.

[CarrieMF]

I just find it hard to comprehend what benefit their son will have changing his name if they intend to still use his nickname?

perhaps they use the nickname becuase they dislike his legal name so much.

Most places won't let you leave the hospital(provided it was a hospital birth) without a name & if a couple hasn't/can't decide I can definitly see them changing their minds later(especially if they're released in less than 24hours which is more common).

I don't see any psychological harm from them changing the name. We called my youngest Ya-Ya for the longest time, by the time she was 2-3 we no longer were & she does not remember being called Ya-Ya at all.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Seriously, in many cultures changing a name is common or even expected. If it caused problems there would be whole cultures with people who were emotionally scarred over a name change.

Just to follow up on this point. My father and most of my uncles were re-named/nicknamed with Anglo-friendly names because their real names were considered weird foreign tongue-twisters. My children's middle names come from my father's heritage (in fact, ds has my father's name as his middle name). My dc use those names when they take heritage language classes or when they are involved in activities in that community. I wouldn't be surprised if they use those names when they travel in that part of the world.

To be honest, I know it sounds a little flaky to change a child's name on a whim, but it actually happens a lot, in all sorts of circumstances and for all sorts of reasons. Since I actually expected that my dc would use different names in different circumstances, I can't very well judge other parents for the doing the same thing.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF

Most places won't let you leave the hospital(provided it was a hospital birth) without a name & if a couple hasn't/can't decide I can definitly see them changing their minds later(especially if they're released in less than 24hours which is more common).

DS was listed as "baby boy DH's lastname" on all his paper work for the first 6 days while DH and I argued about what to name him. The hospital had no desire at all to keep DS just b/c we were being indecisive.

[Starflower]

I don't think it's a big deal. I think in the end, the kids will decide what they will be called anyway whether it's a nickname, their given name or something completely different.

My SIL legally changed her own name while she was still a child because she hated her name. (She was named Michael and she changed it to Michelle.)

Funny to hear about a Ya-Ya. We know a Ya-Ya here. It's what she used to call her sister before she could pronounce her name. Later, she decided she wanted her sister's name, too. Her parents told her she could not have her sister's name, but if she liked it, they would call her Ya-Ya. She is 5 and still goes by it.

[ann_of_loxley]

cause im nosey - can I ask what his name is and what they want to change it to? lol

[ewe+lamb]

I don't know - we had a category of events at the birth of our ds that lead to us naming him the only name we could agree on, then two days later dh comes up with a name that I LOVE I could have killed him - lol, but here in france you only have 3 days to register the name - unlike in the UK where it is three weeks - I think, anyway I still toy with the idea of changing his name - but now that he's nearly five it's not going to happen, although we are looking into giving him a middle name - he wants to be called Lion, I sort of like it - he chose it when he was two and it's sort of stuck, he was also born under the Leo star sign so I'm thinking we'll add it in, anyway to get to your question, yes I think it will have some sort of effect on your nephew, could they not add in a middle name rather than a drastic change which may not be appreciated by the child anyway.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Why not change it? Its a weird American (western?) culture thing to keep the same name always anyway. In some cultures it is quite common to change your name at signifigant events or because once the child developed a little it was clear the name, meaning of the name etc just did not suit them. My children were given baptismal names at their baptism and they were 12, 8, and 5. They were actually quite excited to get new names. And people use them. And they love it. If they wanted to legally change their names I would support them 100%. I would love to change mine legally but it is close enough that I can use it, even on documents and such and no one questions it.

Also when a child is adopted it is not all uncommon to change their name even if they are toddlers or older.

Seriously, in many cultures changing a name is common or even expected. If it caused problems there would be whole cultures with people who were emotionally scarred over a name change.

I actually know lpts of people who have changed their kids name....no harm done

It is just a name. There really is no hazard to changing it.

However if you guys make a big deal about it and make him feel bad about it will do far more damage than changing a name in and of itself ever could.

Just because it is an American culture thing, does not mean it is "weird", or wrong.

I am sure that Americans are not the only ones who intend to keep a name for life.

Sorry, but I don't like America-bashing. You may not have meant it that way, but that is how I read it.

To you, it is just a name. I don't feel that way, but I don't think you are weird for thinking that way.

[Tigeresse]

I guess I feel that although parents have the honor of giving a name to their child, I think once that name is in place it's the child's. It should then become the child's choice whether or not to change the name, unless there are special circumstances, of course.

That said, we did rename our dd adopted from China, but kept her given Chinese first name as her middle name. We even had a special ritual for changing her name and have her first name written down and stored in a beautifully decorated little jar in her room, because it was part of her identity, her origins, her life before us. It's still important and certainly not "just a name".

[mtiger]

At the end of the day, it really isn't anyone's business but the parents' and the kid's. IMO.

[4myfinn]

I think it's odd. If the child doesn't like his/her name when they are older and really want a name change, that's one thing, but just changing it because they figured they like something better now is odd to me. Maybe it makes me a weird American, but so be it.

We know some people who named their baby girl Gabrielle, and when she was about 9 or 10 months old decided to change it. They didn't warn anyone. They just showed up at a get-together and people were saying, "Oh, hi Gabrielle!" and they just said, "No, it's Molly now." Everyone was (and still is) so confused.

[poppan]

DD's name is K--- but we have called her M--- from birth. M--- is a nickname with no basis in any of her given names and to further confuse other people, it is a real name (not something that is obviously a nickname like the Ya-ya example).

At age 1 although most people outside our immediate family called DD K--- I don't think she had any recognition that it was her name. If we had changed it I don't think it would have caused her any confusion.

Maybe your BIL and SIL have now had a longer time to think of the permutations of his given name... how it might look on a business card one day -- whether one can be elected president on that name... etc. Even though we call DD M--- at home she goes by K--- at school and I expect that as a more "formal" sounding name she will go by K--- professionally one day (although that would of course be entirely up to her). I guess bottom line I'm just trying to say as someone who is in a similar situation (although we are not changing our kid's name and we like it just fine) that I don't think it will have negative emotional effects on your nephew since they call him by his nickname and he is probably too young to have much attachment/identify with the given name. At least, my DD would have been.

[mamazee]

I don't think this is a big deal. If I regretted a name I'd given one of my kids, I would be fine with changing it, particularly before they were very verbal. It seems like the worst case scenario, without any contributing factors, would be that he will end up wishing they'd kept that name, in which case he can choose to go by that name and legally change it back when he's old enough.

[poppan]

Also wanted to add, your SIL and BIL would only be acting selfishly if they were changing their child's name over the child's objection and obvious love and attachment for his name, KWIM? It's a bit unorthodox of them, and maybe a bit wishy-washy, but not necessarily selfish, IMHO.