Renaming a child - Page 2

[texmati]

My mom's family grew up in India, and there it's very common just to use a nickname until 5 or so. An name is chosen around that time. I think that way makes a lot more sense than how it's done here.

The movie/book namesake talks a bit about it. I think you should support them in this change.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by lilyka

Also when a child is adopted it is not all uncommon to change their name even if they are toddlers or older.

Changing an adopted child's name (especially when it's a toddler or older) is not without controversy.

[CarrieMF]

Originally Posted by eepster

DS was listed as "baby boy DH's lastname" on all his paper work for the first 6 days while DH and I argued about what to name him. The hospital had no desire at all to keep DS just b/c we were being indecisive.

I supposed i meant to say the hospitals pressure you to name your child before leaving.lol no they won't keep you just becuase it doesn't have a name but they will pressure you to name it before leaving, especially if they send in the birth registration forms to the gov't.

Funny to hear about a Ya-Ya. We know a Ya-Ya here. It's what she used to call her sister before she could pronounce her name. Later, she decided she wanted her sister's name, too. Her parents told her she could not have her sister's name, but if she liked it, they would call her Ya-Ya. She is 5 and still goes by it.

My dd's name is Nadia, her sister was 12months when she was born & couldn't say Nadia. She pronounced it Ya-Ya & it stuck for a few years.

I think in the end, the kids will decide what they will be called anyway whether it's a nickname, their given name or something completely different.

I agree. A kid I grew up with was named David. He went by Dinky, no idea how or where it came from but everyone knew him ad Dinky. He was that in school, hockey, ball, everything. When he was around 15 or so he decided he wanted to be called David again. can't blame him.lol

[EdnaMarie]

It actually happens a lot. You'd be surprised. I have thought of re-naming my baby because I didn't realize how hard a phonetically-spelled, three-syllable name could be for people to read. A lot of parents later feel the name they chose just doesn't fit the child.

"Sorry, but I don't like America-bashing. You may not have meant it that way, but that is how I read it.

To you, it is just a name. I don't feel that way, but I don't think you are weird for thinking that way."

I think she was just trying to say that it's an arbitrary custom and has no basis in necessity for the child. It's not America-bashing to suggest that other cultures exist and are just as valid as our own.

[raelize]

i have a friend who was born ashley and at age 1 her mother was tired of hearing so many other babies named ashley that she decided to change her name when my friend was 1. she added autumn to her name so her name is autumn ashley elizabeth. she goes by autumn and has some videos of her first year with everyone calling her ashley. its funny and she doesn't mind- she is definatly more of an autumn than an ashley.

[sleepingbeauty]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

I think she was just trying to say that it's an arbitrary custom and has no basis in necessity for the child. It's not America-bashing to suggest that other cultures exist and are just as valid as our own.

I was going to say that.

I think it's up to the kid and his/her parents. I don't think I'd do it myself but who knows? Someday I just might!

[newbymom05]

I sympathize w/ the BIL/SIL and don't think it's weird, although it's unusual to change a name IME. I wish I had the nerve to change our 2 y/o's--I don't like his first OR middle name. And yes, I picked them! Well, I like his first name, but not the abbreviation that everyone wants to call him. I would seriously change it if I could think of something better. That's the only thing stopping me, I can't think of anything I like better.

[Storm Bride]

I've never renamed a child, but I did consider it with dd1. DH loved her name, and had his heart set on it, and I went along with it, as I don't hate the name or anything...I'm just not crazy about it. However, I don't really think it suits dd1's personality at all. I've gotten used to it, and I won't be changing it, but if I had, it would have had nothing to do with not "liking" it, and a lot to do with feeling that it's not a great fit.

[JamieCatheryn]

I had my doubts about both sons' names but it turns out they fit. I'd feel ashamed and silly to have gone back and changed either, maybe in the first couple months it might be ok for me, or after years when the child could voice his or her opinion. This got me curious how common it was to have doubts or regrets about it, I posted a poll. Oh and when my aunt adopted my cousin (at age 2) from a Nepal orphanage she changed her name - she would not have but the name basically meant anonymous, here it'd be Jane Doe I guess.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

I think she was just trying to say that it's an arbitrary custom and has no basis in necessity for the child. It's not America-bashing to suggest that other cultures exist and are just as valid as our own.

:

and for what it is worth, even though many people I knew who changed their kids names were of cultures other than standard middle class American they were all Americans from birth. there are lots of cultural norms in the united states.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

It actually happens a lot. You'd be surprised. I have thought of re-naming my baby because I didn't realize how hard a phonetically-spelled, three-syllable name could be for people to read. A lot of parents later feel the name they chose just doesn't fit the child.

I think she was just trying to say that it's an arbitrary custom and has no basis in necessity for the child. It's not America-bashing to suggest that other cultures exist and are just as valid as our own.

I am sure it was unintentional, but to me, it was just as offensive as it would be to other people f I had said that other cultures were "weird".

Our ways are not "weird". They are simply different.

Also, if you read my posting again, you will see that I never said that other cultures' ways were not as valid as ours here in the US.

Sorry for the thread hijack. Carry on. We will simply have to agree to disagree. Peace.

[mum4boys]

Originally Posted by eepster

I know an adult who went through something like this as a child. He has issues with it. Obviously the intention behind the change is likely to effect how the child feels about the change, but most of the time I would say it is a selfish act on the part of the parents.

It says to the child that his/her parents aren't happy with him/her just the way he/she is.

My best friend this happen to also. She had huge issues with it through out her life.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

When my parents asked my little brother what he wanted for his sixth birthday, he replied, "A new name." He took our father's name from then on, though he didn't officially change it until he was 19.

We changed my dd's name when we adopted her at almost three (we started calling her her new name when she was about 28 months). It was a pretty seamless transition for her (she's pretty fierce about being called her name, doesn't even like pet names), as she never self-identified until then. Now, our family (she's a kinship adoption) had a really rough time with it. And, I can tell you that it was really really hurtful to me to hear people weigh in on the subject so meanly and judgmentally. Not saying you're being judgmental, but, perhaps they have reasons that you just don't have the information to understand. And, even if they don't have reasons that you deem worthy, it is still their child and, if the child is okay with the new name, then it isn't up to you to comment or even express a negative opinion. Just my two cents.

[KristyDi]

My grandmother changed my mom's name when she was a toddler (I think she was 2, but can't be sure) She was Elizabeth and Grandma changed it to Betsy because people kept calling her Lizzy, which Grandma hated. Mom has no issues with it beyond the occasional bureaucratic issue w/ her birth cert not matching her other important papers and having to prove the name has been legally changed.

[Maluhia]

I think it is up to the parents and the child, and no matter if we are annoyed we can learn to remember that things like naming are personal choices between immediate families at least in our culture.

[mjol]

i agree with everything said, and I am not judging the name change but the reason which from their explanation sounds "wishy washy" and they have left it open to if that name doesn't fit they will change it again until they find a name....
I just feel this is a little boy not an object, not a pet, not a bug brought home by a curious 4 yr old.. it is a child.... and although I understand changing a name via adoption or you realize that a unique name has more implications then being different....

What is the point if you are still never going to call them that nickname-- seems even more confusing to that child as they grow... but in the end he is not my son, it is there choice...

I just wish they would have thought about this before they named him and where we are you have 3 months to name a child.. so pressure was not a factor

Plus I needed to vent as i was confused with how i felt and why. reading these responses has allowed me to realize part of it is our relationship and is not completely crazy related!

[lilyka]

there reasons seem wishy washy to you but if they are going to go to the trouble of legally changing his name then they are clearly important to them.

[leighi123]

As soon as my divorce is final, Im changing the spelling of ds's middle name, and also, right now he has 2 middle names, one is my maiden name which will be his last name. So Im thinking of adding a second middle name for him so he can have 2 middle names.

It just depends on if I can think of anything that fits, or if HE wants to choose something at that time. (he turns 3 next month and the divorce will be 2 weeks after that )