It Takes Two, Baby...

[quantumleap]

Umm. How does sleep work with TWO babies?!
DD is pretty high needs. Sleep for her has always been a struggle, and getting her down requires very intensive attention. She's 18 months now, and will be exactly two when her new sibling is born. Things have gotten a LOT better over the past six months or so, and getting her down for a nap or for the night is usually only a 30 minute process. We nurse, and if that doesn't do her in, I have to hold her against me while I sing and rock/bounce on the stability ball. She often physically fights at this point for several minutes, and then falls asleep and I put her down in her hammock and give the thing a push. It has taken a LOT of work to get to this point, as bedtime used to be a 1-3 hour ordeal of screaming and horror. She sleeps with us once we go to bed.
Anyway, as I was holding my screaming, kicking, writhing child tonight, I started to panic a bit. Never mind that the belly is making this more difficult all the time, but *what* on Earth am I going to do in order to get her down for a nap when there is also a second child to contend with? Especially if #2 is as needy as dd?! DD was literally never out of arms for more than 2 minutes until she was about 10 months old, because she would scream bloody murder. Ah! Panic!
I can't picture wearing a newborn on my back while I put dd down for a nap, and I certainly can't wear him/her on my front to be potentially pummeled by dd! Do you just hope for a content, independant #2 and leave them on a blanket or in a bouncy chair or something while you put #1 to sleep?! How does it work!?
I know, long term, the easiest thing to do would be to get dd sleeping more independantly. We have tried so many things, and nothing really seems to work though. The current routine works, and I don't know if I have the energy to fight it out finding something else.
Bedtime is not really going to be an issue as dp will be around to help most nights (thank heavens he doesn't play soccer in the winter, when #2 will arrive!). But naps, oh, naps! Help?
This panic attack has also evolved to include stress about #2's naps. DD only slept ON a person for several months, a very still, sitting down, non verbal person - how can I possibly do that with #2 while also keeping up with dd?! Ah! Ah!

[Katie T]

I stressed about this as well 8 months pregnant with a 20m in my arms standing bouncing. But it honestly just worked out. How I don't even know but things just fall into a new pattern of normal and baby number 2 won't get the chance to sleep on a still non verbal person so that won't start. I would usually get the newborn to sleep and then work on my toddler and like I said everything works out.

I know it is hard to imagine now, but very quickly things changed. I hope things are the same at your home when the new one arrives.

[sept15lija]

DS was 2 years and 2 weeks when DD arrived in Jan. DS wasn't quite that challenging in terms of the physical fighting but when DD was born we were still laying down next to him to get him to go to sleep which was a marathon affair, most of the time 45 minutes+. Luckily I arranged for help for the first while so I was able to do that, and then we realize we needed to change things. DS was becoming more and more verbal so we started talking about how bedtime was going to change. We'd do our routine, read our stories, and then we'd have to go and "check" something, and we'd be back. There were some tears but we'd go back in and cuddle him until he was calm, and then go "check" something again. It worked surprisingly well and now we read stories and then I leave, 9 times out of 10 that's the last we hear of him until he wakes up again. There is a lot of change between 18 months and 2 years so quite possibly she will become more indepedent quite naturally. The other night DH told DS how proud he was of how well he was doing with bedtime, and DS smiled at him and then turned his head into his pillow and closed his eyes.

Having said all that DD is so different than DS, she is very content most of the time and is one of those babies who will sit in their bouncy chair or on my bed staring at the fan quite happily, thankfully. It could be because wearing her like I wore DS is just too difficult, not to say she isn't in arms a ton because she is, but not as much as DS. And she just gets put down more because we have to deal with DS, so this is just her reality and she is generally just fine with it.

As the pp said I think somehow things just fall into place and you figure out what will work...not that it won't be difficult at times but everything will be OK.

[luckymamaoftwo]

I had/have a very similar situation with my DD (2 yrs and 2 weeks old when DS was born) and DS (now 4 months old). I also panicked. What was I to do when the baby was born???? Because I too was holding/rocking/laying with DD to get her down for naps and bedtime, sometimes taking hours. I had the hopes that DS would be super easy going and just chill in a bouncy while I put DD down. Nope! He is definitely more mellow than she was as a baby, but is NOT the super chill babe that I "thought" he would be. SO when we're home alone during nap time (which is M-F), I just hold him and sit/recline next to DD in her toddler bed. I was in disbelief that DD would allow me to hold the baby and not her....since she had been held so often when falling asleep...but she just seemed to accept it. So that's what we do every nap, and some days DS is asleep (I try to get him to sleep first...but it doesn't always work so perfectly) and sometimes he's fussing and even crying while I'm next to DD, which can get in the way of her falling sleep, but she eventually does.

It is amazing though, because she just seemed to ACCEPT the change. Now bedtime is a diff story, but DH gets to deal with that alone. A whole 'nother post.

You definitely shouldn't freak out right now, and surely you don't have the energy it takes to make a huge change in your toddler's sleep habits. You will find a way to work it out, and (positive thinking here) your new babe may be that totally chill, super easy baby that everybody THINKS they'll have.