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Hoarding, OCD, and Decluttering - Page 3

post #41 of 88
6/28/10 at 6:11pm
it sounds like you survived a big step, and so did your husband!

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post #42 of 88
6/28/10 at 6:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
"Leave your mother alone. When you grow up you can marry your own neurotic wife and try to help her." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

.
well you just made be have a huge belly laugh and believe me with this baby I have a huge belly!!!


have you considered doing a *curb alert* type announcement on craigslist? Its very much used here in our area under the free section of CL. You basically list your items or maybe just a pic of all the items on the curb with your address and literally people will stop by and see/take what they want.

I did this a few weeks ago after decluttering my kids playroom. Everything was in nice/ok condition but I didnt want to have to trek it to the nearest goodwill which is quite a ways away so as we went thru everything the kids placed it on our curb and I posted a notice and as we cleaned we put things out by the end of the day most stuff was gone!!!!!!
post #43 of 88
6/28/10 at 6:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post
If you have an emotional attachment to an object, take a picture of it, stick it in a scrapbook and write next to it what it means to you and why. Then let go of the actual object.
The thing is, I am realizing I really don't have an emotional attachment to the objects themselves. Rather, I'm attached to what they stand for, if that makes sense. The Kindermusik stuff was a time in my life when I had a little business and was able to offer something wonderful to my children and my friends. The 5 padded ring slings were part of my life as a LLL leader when I used to give them out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luv-my-boys View Post
have you considered doing a *curb alert* type announcement on craigslist? Its very much used here in our area under the free section of CL. You basically list your items or maybe just a pic of all the items on the curb with your address and literally people will stop by and see/take what they want.
That's a good idea. The only problem is that I'm afraid the more steps there are, the less likely I'll be to follow through. We have tons of books and DH said "Why don't we give the books to the library for their book sale?" But that's more work, and they'll sit around here until we can get them to the library and it will just be more clutter. It sounds selfish, but I need this to be as easy on me as possible. The only thing that wasn't saved, thrift stored, or trashed was a big box of wooden train tracks and trains that we're giving to the library's children's room.
post #44 of 88
6/29/10 at 2:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
The thing is, I am realizing I really don't have an emotional attachment to the objects themselves. Rather, I'm attached to what they stand for, if that makes sense. The Kindermusik stuff was a time in my life when I had a little business and was able to offer something wonderful to my children and my friends. The 5 padded ring slings were part of my life as a LLL leader when I used to give them out.



That's a good idea. The only problem is that I'm afraid the more steps there are, the less likely I'll be to follow through. We have tons of books and DH said "Why don't we give the books to the library for their book sale?" But that's more work, and they'll sit around here until we can get them to the library and it will just be more clutter. It sounds selfish, but I need this to be as easy on me as possible. The only thing that wasn't saved, thrift stored, or trashed was a big box of wooden train tracks and trains that we're giving to the library's children's room.
hmmmm... you need to donate in ways that work for you. i have a regular pick up from vietnam veterans and amvets every six weeks. i accumulate things in white plastic garbage bags and put them in an out of the way section of the house until the pick up day arrives. then i just bring them out and viola -- gone. the books to the library are easy, since i have young kids and am a regular library-goer.

find ways that work for you, and just start doing it.

you have to start, and then you will start to see results. and the results will *INSPIRE* you to do more. you will get hooked on the "clean" and "spacious" feeling of being decluttered, and that will become your motivation.
post #45 of 88
6/29/10 at 4:58am
i also laughed at your husband's comment and shared it with my husband! it's such a funny-sweet statement.

sounds like you are doing very well. i understand (to an extent, but not the extent) the idea of good things going into the trash. it is upsetting to me too. but, take heart. there are people who run small businesses by going through the trash, picking good things, cleaning them up, and selling them. seriously, it's helping those people too. so tha tmight help you take some of that load off too.
post #46 of 88
6/29/10 at 8:39am
My mother has hoarding tendencies, as I mentioned earlier, but she has asked me to help her let go of some things. When she is reluctant to send something to a thrift store because it's "too good," even though she isn't using it, sometimes I remind her, "Do you think charity X is not a good cause?" Since it is a charity she supports, that helps her feel better about letting go.

For the Kindermusik stuff, etc., I feel the same way as you! One thing I sometimes do is keep a representative sample, like a single piece of sheet music, or even scan it in.
post #47 of 88
6/29/10 at 1:02pm
I'm not sure if this works where you live, but in victoria (BC, Canada) it's expected that people put stuff on there front lawns, next to the sidewalk, we a free sign and people take it away...no stress, no fuss. Put out there in the evening then don't check on it until the next day and it will likely be gone. I've been flabbergasted at the stuff people will take.

Good for you for trying to get this sorted out. It's not easy. good luck and happy pregnancy.
post #48 of 88
6/29/10 at 1:05pm
SERIOUSLY! I need to check in WAY more often! Congrats on the 2 little ones! I did not know you were expecting twins.
post #49 of 88
6/29/10 at 2:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadonna View Post
I agree that Freecycle is great for those things that aren't exactly in great condition but still make you feel that they're too good to throw away.
We recently moved and we did our own low-effort version of freecycle. It is yard sale season, so we staged a free yard "sale". We just put everything we needed/wanted to get rid of curbside and before we even thought to post a sign, it was gone. We liked this idea because it takes no more effort than tossing it in the trash (no tagging, deciding a worth, organizing, manning the yard sale), the people who come and get it really need it or want it enough to haul it away. Anything that is not taken over the course of the weekend (about as long as your neighbors will tolerate the junk being in the front yard) gets tossed because if someone won't take it for free, there is no reason someone will pay for it at a thrift shop. We did not do this, but you could also put an ad he paper along with the other yard sales in the area to ensure that you get some traffic. Your stuff will find a good home where it can get regular use rather than sitting in the basement or attic. For everything you think you will use in the future, there is someone who actually needs it right now. By setting up a free sale, you do not have to try and think of who needs it, who will repair it, how it will be used, what it is "worth." It is an act of generosity. It really helps to know that someone is benefiting from your once used and loved items - for free.
post #50 of 88
6/29/10 at 2:17pm
Hi -
I just want to add that this idea of hoarding being this awful disease, vs what it sounds like you have going on, which is that you have clutter, extra stuff, that you want to dispose of or pass on in a responsable way, but which you haven't been able to get to because you are prioritizing other things. I have a small place, and since my daughter was born, too much clutter (made worse by several moves, some of them precipitous). This is because of a combination of my putting time with my daughter first, and with not having much money, and with having a sustainability consciousness which makes me both not want to buy something again later, and to make sure usable things get passed on.
Anyhow, I've noticed that how people respond to my mess mostly has to do with their own issues with clutter, ocd cleaning, etc. Only one friend has come over and said - "what's going on, you usually don't live like this?" and once I explained, she proceeded to help me. Somehow her recongnizing that my situation had something to do with it, and that I wasn't "crazy" or whatever euphamism you want, really helped me get started
and get some things out. I have the hardest time with "help" from people who have no understanding of where I'm coming from with it, the easiest with people who respect my need to honor sustainability and the value of things, and that they can be valuable somewhere else not in my house.
I also have noticed that for me there is a hormonal element - the times it has been hard for me to de-clutter were when I was going through adolecense, and then while breastfeeding.
Anyhow, don't worry, you don't need therapy, just the right person to help or method to get it out.
good luck!
post #51 of 88
6/29/10 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
I think my neighbors would call the cops if we just set stuff out. These are the same people who called the police because after our car was set on fire, we didn't remove it quickly enough for their liking (because we were waiting for the police to let us know if we were allowed or if it was evidence). So I don't think just setting it out would work.

Anyway, I'm taking the day off. We had a homeschool meeting/playdate this morning and now we have a friend over. Then tomorrow we have a cello lesson, doctor's appointment and are going swimming, and on Thursday my sis is coming up with her kids. So I'll start fresh again on Friday when we have a truck.
post #52 of 88
6/29/10 at 3:14pm
One other little thought... if you have anything large (or small...) that has sentimental value but you really don't want to keep, you might consider taking a photo and having a book of 'precious things' photos that you can browse through when you want to remember the sentiment of the items.
post #53 of 88
6/29/10 at 4:58pm

Book Suggestion

Thanks to all for posting- I definitely fall into the perfectionist camp as well as not wanting to "waste" stuff. I am not alone (and I will tell my husband)! Living in a teeny cottage, we got rid of a lot of clutter pre-homebirth, but in the 10 months since, what little we had has somehow metastasized. I just read "Clutter Busting" and it has been amazing to find out why people REALLY clutter-totally emotional. Some of these stories were just amazing, before and after. Hinny is reading and then we are going to go at it full tilt!
post #54 of 88
6/29/10 at 7:13pm
subbing or is that sobbing
post #55 of 88
6/29/10 at 9:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
Just a thought off the top of my head...

Maybe when you're having a good day, take a pack of bright neon stickers (like the "dot" stickers) and put them on anything you really want to keep.
And then have dh move all the "keep" items to one corner of the basement/attic, glance through to reassure yourself that everything you want to be kept is in the keep pile and that you want to keep everything in the keep pile, and then go away for awhile and leave your dh to it.
post #56 of 88
6/30/10 at 3:36am

Correct the problem at the source?

I love all the good advice on this page.

We moved to Alaska 10 months ago from Portland, OR and were not able to drive, so we had to ship our belongings on a limited budget. We ended up moving (2 parents and our 2 year old son) with a total of 11 UPS boxes and whatever fit in the trunk of our sedan (which we also shipped). It was an INSANE de-cluttering experience.

As we build a new home here, this experience has made me think more about the problem of clutter starting in the first place. If I did not accumulate a bunch of crap in the first place, then I wouldn't have to struggle to get rid of it later. Now everything I purchase (used or new or craigslist or whatever), it must be the PERFECT thing. If I'm compromising on the purchase at all ("well, it's nice but if it were green..." or "I was hoping for something a little smaller but this will do") then I simply don't buy it and wait for the perfect thing.

It's not worth owning if it's not the right thing, right now.
post #57 of 88
6/30/10 at 4:18am

post your stuff on Freecycle

Hi everyone -

I can totally relate to not wanting to throw good stuff away. I also hate holding garage/yard sales. There is a great internet organization called Freecycle - there are chapters all over the country. The deal is that you "Offer" stuff you don't want - or you can ask for what you need. No money is exchanged/allowed. People will come and pick up your stuff. They are always grateful to get what you can't use. I love reading about what people are giving away. I find it much easier to GIVE away than THROW away. Especially when someone else is so happy to get what I no longer need, love or want. Log on to Freecycle.org to find a chapter in your area.

Good luck!!
Solanamama
post #58 of 88
6/30/10 at 1:23pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Solanamama View Post
Hi everyone -

I can totally relate to not wanting to throw good stuff away. I also hate holding garage/yard sales. There is a great internet organization called Freecycle - there are chapters all over the country. The deal is that you "Offer" stuff you don't want - or you can ask for what you need. No money is exchanged/allowed. People will come and pick up your stuff. They are always grateful to get what you can't use. I love reading about what people are giving away. I find it much easier to GIVE away than THROW away. Especially when someone else is so happy to get what I no longer need, love or want. Log on to Freecycle.org to find a chapter in your area.

Good luck!!
Solanamama
My experience with Freecycle has not been that great. People do not come and pick up stuff. They say they will and don't show, or bombard you with demands or silly questions, or complain. I'm way over Freecycle. Also, if you see above, I need to not have extra steps in all this. It's frustrating when people keep making suggestions that I've already made clear will make this whole process more difficult, not easier.
post #59 of 88
6/30/10 at 3:13pm
Reading all this has been great for me. I'm a bit of a hoarder and a slob and hate both of hose things in my life.
Since becoming a military wife a few years back I have had to move a handful of times and moving has become a huge anxiety for me because of the sorting it involves. This time we are moving across the country and have a strict weight limit, everything g over that limit (which I'm sure we are over currently) is billed a 2$ per pound!

I know this is the kick in the pants I need, I'm just horrified of the process.
post #60 of 88
7/2/10 at 2:46am
I had two negative experiences with Freecycle -- one on the receiving end, one on the giving end -- but also had several positive experiences. There is also the craigslist free section you can do.
What would make the process easier for you? Someone to go through things with you?