Unhealthy habit - HELP!

[spmamma]

I'm not sure if this should be in GD or here... but it's definitely a toddler issue so I'm going to start it out here.

DD just turned 3. She's had a bad habit for at least 6 months to a year (frankly, as long as I can remember) of sliding her hands down the back of her pants and poking at her bottom.

Many times it's an unconscious gesture. We always gently tell her to take her hands out of her pants and wash her hands.

Lately, though, she seems to be doing it knowing that we don't want her to. Tonight, we were reading stories before bed and I noticed she was doing it. I checked her hands and, sure enough, they were stinky.

I told her that we don't put our hands in our bottoms. That she could get sick. Let's go wash our hands.

Then she started laughing at me. Clearly, she thought it was funny... and perhaps (although I hope this wasn't the case) did it on purpose. And my blood started to boil (DD laughing at me when I try to correct her royally pushes my buttons - and I'm sure she knows it). I had to step out of the room.

How can I get her to stop this? I can't really ignore it - it's not healthy or sanitary. Aaaargh!

[Katie T]

I have no advise, but wanted to give ya a . Toddlers can be so frustrating. This will pass and hopefully someone will come along with the answers you need.

[LauraN]

The more of a power struggle it becomes, the longer it will last. I think in this case, because it's an issue of cleanliness, I would just wait til her hands come out and then take her to wash her hands. Avoid trying to make her stop, and she'll grow out of it.

And the laughing at you--she has discovered this little bit of power over you. The only thing to do is NOT LET IT BOTHER YOU. When it no longer represents power over you, it too will fade away.

Button-pushing only works when there's a big red button out there begging to be pushed Once the button is gone, it can no longer be pushed.

And this is a good reminder to me right now

[Llyra]

My DD2 did this. She's also 3. I agree-- the more attention you draw to it, by asking her to stop, the longer the habit is likely to persist. And the more likely it becomes that she'll start doing it deliberately TO push your buttons (3 year olds are MASTERS at that!)

I had a hard time ignoring it, though, because i have two other young children, so I'm not always paying attention closely enough to catch DD as soon as she takes it out, to wash. And she's also a finger-sucker. So what I finally started doing is using safety pins to pin her shirt to her underpants, from the inside. It means she needs help in the bathroom, of course, and it looks a little funny- although I can manage to pin it so it's barely noticeable-- but it saves me a lot of EWWWW moments, and saves me having to hassle DD. She just CAN'T get her hand in there, so she's moved on to other things. And now I don't have to pin anymore, because the habit is broken.

[melon]

Originally Posted by Llyra

So what I finally started doing is using safety pins to pin her shirt to her underpants, from the inside.

Would a onesie work like this, I wonder?

[ThisCat]

The safety pin tip got me thinking about another clothing option. We were just at Target this morning I saw a bunch of rompers like this one for little girls. They had a super cute one that I don't see online but it was brown poplin material with little white dots and a pink fabric flower at the top by the strap. I actually wanted one for myself. Also, you could try finding one piece jammies. I know Hanna Andersson makes some up to size 3.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by LauraN

The more of a power struggle it becomes, the longer it will last. I think in this case, because it's an issue of cleanliness, I would just wait til her hands come out and then take her to wash her hands. Avoid trying to make her stop, and she'll grow out of it.

And the laughing at you--she has discovered this little bit of power over you. The only thing to do is NOT LET IT BOTHER YOU. When it no longer represents power over you, it too will fade away.

Button-pushing only works when there's a big red button out there begging to be pushed Once the button is gone, it can no longer be pushed.

And this is a good reminder to me right now

I know you're right. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do, how to show that I'm not affected by it while at the same time not giving approval for the behavior. Do I simply ignore her when she laughs at me? Walk away? Obviously, showing my frustration (even if it's only by my expression) only makes it worse.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by Llyra

I had a hard time ignoring it, though, because i have two other young children, so I'm not always paying attention closely enough to catch DD as soon as she takes it out, to wash. And she's also a finger-sucker. So what I finally started doing is using safety pins to pin her shirt to her underpants, from the inside. It means she needs help in the bathroom, of course, and it looks a little funny- although I can manage to pin it so it's barely noticeable-- but it saves me a lot of EWWWW moments, and saves me having to hassle DD. She just CAN'T get her hand in there, so she's moved on to other things. And now I don't have to pin anymore, because the habit is broken.

Ick! Yeah, it's hard when you have more than one little one. Sometimes I'm distracted by the baby.

I like your safety pin suggestion - I may have to try that!

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by ThisCat

The safety pin tip got me thinking about another clothing option. We were just at Target this morning I saw a bunch of rompers like this one for little girls. They had a super cute one that I don't see online but it was brown poplin material with little white dots and a pink fabric flower at the top by the strap. I actually wanted one for myself. Also, you could try finding one piece jammies. I know Hanna Andersson makes some up to size 3.

Love that romper! DD may have some of those in her future!

[crunchy_mommy]

Is it possible that her bottom could be itchy/uncomfortable somehow? I have heard of some kind of intestinal worms or something (gross I know) causing itchiness and she may just be trying to relieve the itch??? Just a thought, in case you hadn't considered medical causes... Otherwise, I am thinking the safety-pin idea + ignoring it (not ignore but don't react emotionally ya know?) may be the best solution...

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Is it possible that her bottom could be itchy/uncomfortable somehow? I have heard of some kind of intestinal worms or something (gross I know) causing itchiness and she may just be trying to relieve the itch??? Just a thought, in case you hadn't considered medical causes... Otherwise, I am thinking the safety-pin idea + ignoring it (not ignore but don't react emotionally ya know?) may be the best solution...

I've thought about this, but I don't think that's the case. It's almost an unconscious gesture on her part. She doesn't do it all the time, but at least several times a day. Sometimes, she's just sliding her hands down the back of her pants, other times she's poking.

[Llyra]

Onesies will also work well for this purpose, if your LO is still young enough that you can find them in her size. DD2 is in size 4, and they're harder to find in that size. That's actually how we solved her other EWWWW habit, though, which was sleeping with her hand jammed down the front of her diaper. Every once in a while, she'd poop, in her sleep, while the hand was in there. OMG it was gross. She was younger then-- like 12 to 18 months.

[holothuroidea]

Oh! I hope my 22mos butt rubbing habit doesn't last until she's 3! She's still in diapers and we litterally have to tape the diaper on her so she won't take it of and put her fingers in her butt.

I have no advice but I commiserate. This is so gross and I just can't wait for it to go away!

[karika]

I would talk to the child and ask her why she likes doing it. If it is because it feels good, explain about private time to touch private places and about the cleanliness factor of her hands (and cross contamination of the vagina with germs from the anus and how it can cause her vagina to be sick). When you see her doing it, ask her if she needs private time and if she says yes, draw her a bath and tell her that is a good place to have private time. She may just enjoy it and IMO there should be nothing wrong with that. If she is clean, there should be no problems about germs either, or at least no more than normal everyday life. I have my children bathe after a bowel movement to help with any lingering problems that wiping didn't catch.

The worms someone mentioned is pinworms and many children do get them. From playgrounds or daycares or anywhere. The way to find out if your child has them is simple. Before they get up for the day, you take a piece of clear tape and stick it on their anus then pull it off and look at it- across not through. If you see things like hairs that are wiggling, chances are they are pinworms. To avoid any trauma you should explain beforehand that you are doing a health test, or do it as they are sleeping. I have not had to perform this test on my dd, but heard of it long ago. It may be more comfortable for someone (the parent) to have a doctor take a swab and use a microscope.

[spmamma]

Originally Posted by karika

I would talk to the child and ask her why she likes doing it. If it is because it feels good, explain about private time to touch private places and about the cleanliness factor of her hands (and cross contamination of the vagina with germs from the anus and how it can cause her vagina to be sick). When you see her doing it, ask her if she needs private time and if she says yes, draw her a bath and tell her that is a good place to have private time. She may just enjoy it and IMO there should be nothing wrong with that. If she is clean, there should be no problems about germs either, or at least no more than normal everyday life. I have my children bathe after a bowel movement to help with any lingering problems that wiping didn't catch.

DD is a late talker, so asking her why she likes it isn't going to work well. She's not yet able to really express herself when we ask her questions like that. I have tried explaining why it's unhealthy, but she doesn't really seem to get it (or care?). That being said, I like the idea of drawing a bath for her. Great suggestion!

[Tjej]

A night gown or dress would make that type of thing difficult to do.

Kids do this sort of thing. Try to let it go as best you can. Maybe having some wipes in each room so you can just have her wipe her hands clean afterwards would help.

Tjej

[LorenaAZ]

Originally Posted by spmamma

I told her that we don't put our hands in our bottoms. That she could get sick. Let's go wash our hands.

If she has something in her bottom that could make her sick, then she would already be sick. Touching her bottom won`t make her sick. Things that end up in our bottoms come in through our mouths. The only thing she might do, like someone else said, is cross-contaminate her vagina.
My 16 month old touches her privates when she goes potty (we EC since birth). She thinks it`s the coolest thing that liquid comes out of her and into the toilet, and then makes splashing sounds to boot! I just tell her to be gentle so as not to hurt herself. Maybe your DD touches her bottom after passing gas? Perhaps making sure it`s not poop? If it really bothers you, using onesies or overalls might break the habit. Good luck!

[swd12422]

DS does this, too. He's discovered where the poop comes out, and likes to feel around in there. He also likes to investigate others' holes, including our dog's and the neighbors' dog's..... I have no advice, but I am strongly considering switching to anti-bacterial soap in his bathroom...

[Carhootel]

I would check for worms first thing! It sounds like maybe her bottom is itchy or maybe it once was and was irritating her. If there are worms or not maybe get her some sort of soothing creme that she can put on her bottom and then leave it alone? Definitely wash hands often and the onesie idea sounds great too. Although I imagine that she will get around it if she really wants to

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by LorenaAZ

If she has something in her bottom that could make her sick, then she would already be sick. Touching her bottom won`t make her sick. Things that end up in our bottoms come in through our mouths. The only thing she might do, like someone else said, is cross-contaminate her vagina.
My 16 month old touches her privates when she goes potty (we EC since birth). She thinks it`s the coolest thing that liquid comes out of her and into the toilet, and then makes splashing sounds to boot! I just tell her to be gentle so as not to hurt herself. Maybe your DD touches her bottom after passing gas? Perhaps making sure it`s not poop? If it really bothers you, using onesies or overalls might break the habit. Good luck!

You can get sick from touching poo it is called e coli and can cause some nasty stomach upset.