Potty Questions

[shanniesue2]

So DS has been showing potty readiness signs for quite some time, he stays dry for several hours, he recognizes when he peeing/pooping, he talks about the potty, he occasionally asks to sit on the potty. So I'm off work for the summer and thought it would be a good time to really get focused. We did a mostly naked week this week (diapers during errands and while asleep and a few times when he did NOT want to be naked). And we had some moderate success while he was naked... a few messes here and there, but more pottying than puddling

However, when he's not naked, he is not real enthusiastic about sitting on the potty. A few times when he had a diaper on at home he would say, "sit the potty." So I'd say, sure you can sit on the potty and we'd start heading that way and he'd just refuse to go any further and say, "NO SIT THE POTTY." Also, I was trying to keep our potty chair nearby for quick access... and several times he would see it out and say, "NO POTTY!" He'd get really upset, pick up the potty chair, carry it to the bathroom and shut the door. Then he'd ask for "new fresh diaper." So while he is showing signs of readiness and we did have some moderate success during naked time... he is showing some reluctance to actually sit on the potty.

The other thing that we did was buy a bag of mini marshmellows (we went camping not that long ago, and had smores and he's really into marshmellows right now). We thought we might use the marshmellows as a reward... but he just doesn't get the whole reward concept (we've never used any kind of reward system with him, ever)... he just thinks he's getting a marshmellow... and then he doesn't understand why he's not getting a marhsmellow at other times. So I tried to tell him that he only gets one when he uses the potty. But I don't like that b/c it feels too much like a bribe... and you shouldn't have to bribe someone to use the bathroom...ykim?

While I sense that in many ways he is ready for PT/PL ing, I wonder if his reluctance means that I should hold off a little bit longer. Or maybe just continue with the naked time as much as we can and not worry about getting to the potty when he's in a diaper?? Although I wonder what kind of lesson he'll learn from that. I don't see him as the kind of kid who would do real well timed visits to the potty. He has the kind of personality where he needs to decide that it's time to do something. And I realize that therein lies the key.... but I don't know... so do you think just naked time when we're at home and hope that getting in the habit of using the potty more regularly will transfer over to when he's wearing a diaper? Maybe I also need to get a few more potty chairs and scatter them around the house so that they are just part of the room and not something that I'm "adding" to the room to get him to do something?

Anyway, if anyone has any other tips or ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks!!

[Katie T]

I have been where you are at mama! My dd started that at about 17 months and now at almost 2 (this month) we still aren't potty learned. I will tell you what we tried thought in case any of it works with him. He sounds a lot like dd.

In the begging it was her idea to use the potty and she did really well. I thought this will be all to easy. She only used a diaper at night time and when we were out.

Then one day she woke up and it was like she had forgotten all she had learned and of course wanted to be naked but was having lots of accidents and if I suggested she use the potty or try to put her on the potty or asked her if she needed/wanted to use the potty she would tell me no or freak out. So I just let her be and used diapers at times and cleaned up the mess other times. But I didn't want to make it a power struggle which is where I saw it headed. It HAD to be her idea.

FF to now and now if I tell her she has to sit on the potty before she nurses or gets in her chair for lunch she does and usually goes! (Those were the times she was most likely to pee) Now as long as I remind her every so often she is doing great. I still have her in diaper for nap (this one is usually dry) and bedtime and when we are out and about. I remember from my other kids that the out of the house takes a while because they are so "busy" when away from home.

I have a little toilet I got for less than 5 bucks and I love it and then a ring and step stool for the bathroom. She can choose where she goes, and if she goes in the little potty she gets to carry it into the bathroom and dump and flush.

I say relax a bit and hopefully he will think it was his idea to learn and things will go more smoothly.
Sorry for the novel.

[Nicole730]

We've been working with DS on the potty since the beginning of June. He does really well when naked, okay when in undies, stays pretty much completely dry in a pull-up (weird!), and wets cloth diapers easily. Some days are better than others, but it's drastically reduced my diaper washing load, so it's fine with me.

We did 'bribe' him with M&Ms. DS really understands the concept of first you do this, then you do that. (First you put your shoes on, then we go outside) So we just did the same thing with the potty reward. First you go pee on the potty, then you get one M&M. We set up some really cool books he can see but not reach for pooping on the potty. Every now and then he asks for the books and gets all whiney. I just remind him the books are for when he poops on the potty.

It's been a couple weeks and he forgets to ask for a treat after using the potty lots of times. Which is good because I don't want him eating that many treats.

I should also point out, we did not wait for signs of readiness, the only readiness we had was I was sick of doing so much laundry. In the beginning he was peeing over 10 times a day, now it's a lot less and he can go over one hour without peeing. So he is learning readiness as we go along.

He is in cloth diapers for naptime. Pull ups for out and about. Disposable diaper overnight. Naked or underwear during the day at home.

Once we switch him to the toddler bed, near the end of the month, I am going to take away his water cup at night and see how he handles not peeing overnight or during naps.

Oh and sometimes he does start crying and complaining because he wants a diaper on, or after nap and in the morning he doesn't want me to take his diaper off. But I just remind him that he doesn't wear a diaper during the day. He cries for a bit and then goes off to play. He also cries when his favorite shirt is in the wash. Or he can't open his car box, or he wants to play outside and it's not time to play outside. I don't look at his fighting using the potty any differently than I do his fighting putting on pajamas. Some things have to be done. I am not forcing him to sit on the potty and pee, I am just not letting him pee in a diaper when he is awake. When he pees on the floor or in his underwear, I usually ask him where pee-pee goes and then he says the potty. Then we both clean up the mess and go put a load of laundry in if we need to.

[dziwozony]

It sounds like you need to relax about it for a while & try again later. If it's that much work, then it's not the right time! When the time is right, it will be much easier. It seems like mums these days are pressured to have their kids out of nappies/diapers earlier & earlier. I say lay off & let your child guide you :-)

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by dziwozony

It seems like mums these days are pressured to have their kids out of nappies/diapers earlier & earlier. I say lay off & let your child guide you :-)

It's only been since the introduction of disposables that most children stay in diapers much beyond turning 2. Before that almost all children were using a toilet right around their second birthday, and some even earlier. If I remember correctly, the average potty-trained age was 13 months in the early 1900s.

[Stayathomemommy]

Yeah thats what i see, kids are potty training way later then lets say back in my moms day! No one wants to push their kiddos to do anything they dont want to do. but hey going on the potty is part of life and it makes life easier for everyone the sooner they do it, it cuts down cost and laundry. Not saying to push if they arnt ready. but a lot of the time 2 year olds are. when they show interest then decide they dont want to anymore its because the newness has worn off, it requires some work and they figure out its easier in the diaper. Also, i know in my case, i get tired of the potty runs and start being less consistant. I know i need to up my game and watch her queues more closely. with summer here its the best time, take advantage. and for one week commit to not going anywhere and doing it intencely, up the fluid intake and salty foods. a couple good days and it will start to stick.

[dziwozony]

:::...I just know I didn't stress about it & waited until my son was closer to 3 to make much of an effort & it was much easier that way. Mind you, we did heaps of no-pants time & had a potty around since he was about 15mo or so. Sometimes he would use it, sometimes not. I just see a lot of mums stressing out with their sticker systems & bribes & feeling pressure about their parenting when their children are still in nappies. I'm not trying to be critical, I'm just saying it doesn't need to be so stressful. Whatever works for you & your family.

FWIW, we have always used cloth, so it's not a disposables issue.

[shanniesue2]

I think I'm gonna take out the marshmellow bribes and just stick to naked time when we're home. It's really a nice thought to commit to a week of naked time at home and do nothing but potty training... but we would both go stir crazy if we didn't get out of the house (and the yard is not an option--we don't have a safe back yard at this point in our lives).

Also, just want to clarify that I really don't want to create a bunch of stress over it... but I think DS is showing enough signs that, with the right kind of encouragement, he could be out of diapers soon. And I don't see a problem with trying to figure out what kind of encouragement will work best for him. I do have to admit that I'm hoping he will be out of diapers (at least during the day) by August because I'm a teacher, and I have summers off... I figured that it would be the least stressful time for all of us to potty train. However, I have no intention of creating a power struggle over it.

[Nicole730]

Originally Posted by Stayathomemommy

Yeah thats what i see, kids are potty training way later then lets say back in my moms day! No one wants to push their kiddos to do anything they dont want to do. but hey going on the potty is part of life and it makes life easier for everyone the sooner they do it, it cuts down cost and laundry. Not saying to push if they arnt ready. but a lot of the time 2 year olds are. when they show interest then decide they dont want to anymore its because the newness has worn off, it requires some work and they figure out its easier in the diaper. Also, i know in my case, i get tired of the potty runs and start being less consistant. I know i need to up my game and watch her queues more closely. with summer here its the best time, take advantage. and for one week commit to not going anywhere and doing it intencely, up the fluid intake and salty foods. a couple good days and it will start to stick.

Last week I read this, DS had been going on the floor a lot more frequently. I know it was me, not him, I was just being lazy. I decided to take charge again and he's been in underwear all day yesterday and today with no pees on the floor. (And I don't call them accidents because I don't think it's an accident until I am positive he has bladder control, which includes him going to the potty without my prompting. He's only done that once, when he wasn't trying to delay bedtime.)

[blizzard_babe]

Honestly, I'd just stick with the naked time. DS was pretty much 100% spot-on perfect when he was naked, but putting ANYTHING on his bottom felt too much like a diaper, I guess... he'd have accidents. We waited until we had a week of being just at home (normally he went to the babysitter's two mornings a week, and had to wear diapers there; it'd mess up his PLing groove bigtime ) and went pants-free. Other than nighttimes, he was never in a diaper or underwear or even pants. He pretty much forgot what underwear felt like. Then we slowly introduced underwear into the mix. We'd start the day nekkie-butt, then after his first potty success, put on a pair of underwear... and then ask/prompt CONSTANTLY. "Do we peepee in underwear? Where do we peepee?" and the like, just so he'd be reminded that he WASN'T wearing a diaper.

We also kept a spray bottle of cleaner on hand, because there were accidents; mostly when he was playing REALLY intently. It took a while to convince him that he could tear himself away from his matchbox cars for long enough to relieve his bladder, but he eventually figured out that they'd still be there when he got out.

I'm all about the bare-butt method for PLing at this point. He's pretty much 100% accident-free, wears underwear everywhere we go, and will even use strange public potties without complaint. It was such a comfortable, low-stress transition, I think, to just remove clothing from the equation.