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CIO in carseat heartbreak... - Page 2

post #21 of 35
My three month old screams in the car every time now... He's ok if I'm back there, but if I'm driving him alone, he's crying. It broke my heart yesterday to go back after getting to the post office (only 5 minutes from my house) and seeing tears puddled on his cheeks and his face puffy. I've now decided that I'd rather stay home and not go anywhere than to see my precious angel cry like that.... I hope it's just a phase...for both of our kids...
post #22 of 35
I'm sure there are lots of mama's who have taken the babe out to nurse in times of distress - but I would hate to see anyone post about doing it personally on any public boards where they might risk legal action.
post #23 of 35
My son used to hate the carseat but he often found a pacifier very soothing. It's worth a try. He didn't like the first one I offered (a rubber one) but he likes the silicone Avent brand.
post #24 of 35
I know how you feel, I've been there myself.. My dd is 14 months and still hates her carseat. We live 30 minutes from town so I only go out once a week, and only with dh, dd has to have me back there. Keep trying on the bfing in the carseat, I never could do it either, and then one day I did it! What a livesaver, it helps calm her down some. Good luck
post #25 of 35
Just wanted to pipe up and say I have been there too and doesnt it just SUCK?! I do, however, think that it is (on the whole) more tramatic on us than on the wee ones...and there really isnt a good answer when you are stuck in the car!
post #26 of 35
What does CIO mean?
post #27 of 35
CIO = Cry it Out, which is a practice some so-called parenting experts recommend where the parent leaves a crying baby alone at bedtime or naptime so that the baby will "learn" to go to sleep on her own. The term gets used a lot tho to refer to anytime a parent leaves a baby crying and doesn't respond (like in the swing or wherever).

A lot of folks on this board (including me) feel that refusing to respond to a baby's cries is emotionally damaging and wrong. The dilemma comes up when the baby is crying in a situation where you can not respond very well, such as while driving the car and the baby is rear-facing in the backseat.
post #28 of 35
Thanks Daria,

I can't stand to hear my dd cry. CIO only happens in the car. She hates her carseat too. I've been using a binky but most of the time she wants the boob. It's so hard to bf my dd in the carseat. The things we do for our babies.
post #29 of 35
Carseat screamer here too. It breaks my heart and makes required driving so so tense. I really can only let her cry for about 3 minutes before I can't take it anymore and I pull over. Sometimes I have to stop 2-3 times on a 20 minute drive. Once I tried to tough it out when we were only about 10 minutes from home and when I finally got her out of her seat her face was tear streamed and so sad I cried and promised I would try to nevet do that again.

I can't wait til this phase passes.
post #30 of 35
Fortunately this only happened a few times with my daughter, who's now ten, and on a few occasions when I wasn't driving I nursed her. It felt very odd (and I have barely any breast so it was awkward for sure) and didn't really work anyway. If what they really want is to be out of the car that's what they want. I would never take my child out of a safety seat while driving for any reason, but of course I understand sometimes you just can't bear the crying. I think as someone said, though, it's *you* that can't bear the crying. Your wee one will not be damaged or traumatized in the least and I think you shouldn't worry about it except as it effects your sanity and ability to drive safely. I know people whose kids screamed for hours in the car as babies and they just dealt with it, and those kids are just fine, well-adjusted as anyone now, though at the time I thought they were crazy to torment themselves and their kids like that.

It's not at all the same as deliberately using a CIO method of parenting. You'll find what works to soothe your kid in the car and it will be ok, or your baby will outgrow it soon, especially if you live in the suburbs and have to drive frequently. Just as it's ok to let your baby cry another minute or two while you use the toilet, so that you're comfortable when you nurse her, sometimes it is best for the baby to cry until you can safely remove her from the carseat. If you talk to your baby in the car and otherwise let her know you're there, she is still aware of a loving presence and knows she is cared for.

This is not at all meant as a judgement, but please, please do not take your baby out of the carseat while the car is being driven. You will *not* be able to hold onto your baby if you are struck with force. That's physics, and you can end up hurting the baby and others more than if you were all buckled in properly. I know more than one person whose babies died while being nursed in the backseat of the car. The risk is simply too great.

I am pregnant again so will be dealing with this very same thing in a few months, so you have all my compassion and wishes it passes soon!
post #31 of 35
IT'S NOT CIO!!!

IMO, CIO is letting your child cry without you being there comforting. Let's face it, babies cry. I know I held my son helplessly many times while he was crying... offering the boob, walking him around, changing his diaper - NOTHING would settle him. This is NOT CIO! You are doing the best you can to try to comfort your little one and that's what counts.

I have bf'ed my baby in the backseat of the car by leaning over him - I've got a screamer too. It's gotten better over the last couple months as he's now 9 months but it was brutal for the first 6 months or so. I couldn't breastfeed him in the minivan unfortunately so we would either pull over and breastfeed him or drive fast to try to get there sooner (plus he seemed to be calmer when the car was moving faster - go figure! : ). I found that it got much better when he got to the age that he could play with toys. We got him a bunch of soft toys and it seemed to help a little. He also seemed to like having a mirror up...

- It WILL get better soon, I promise!

Nada
post #32 of 35
I don't know about you guys, but as soon as ds was big and old enough (20 lb, 1 year) to sit forward, all crying in the car stopped. It had gotten a lot better even before that. But when the are lying back there, can't see you or anything else it's so hard. I wonder if I had positioned a mirror so babe could see me if things would have been easier in early months.
post #33 of 35
When we switched from an infant seat to a combo seat, the combo seat was so huge in comparison but she could see out the windows and that seemed to help. Also that 20 pound mark passed very quickly and I agree it makes a difference in how they handle the car.

My husband said he began thinking of the pedals in the automatic we had at that time as "crying" (brake) and "quiet" (accelerator).
post #34 of 35
My DS was a carseat hater, also. The first time we put him in that thing, I felt more guilty than I ever had about ANYTHING. It was bad. He would scream until he turned purple.
Then I discovered there are hanging toy things that clip onto carseats (and strollers actually). HEAVEN SENT, I tell you. Too bad it took me 4 months to find them.
I dreaded going in the car w/him. But now he's getting better...at 7 months old, he HAS to have his froggie (The thing is as big as him!).

Whatever works!!
post #35 of 35
I have my oldest who didn't mind his carseat at all. The middle one was high needs and hated the carseat, so after trying to entertain her with my oldest and with me, I would lean over her carseat and nurse her and she would either fall asleep or just be at peace for the rest of the trip in the carseat. I have needed to do this again with our latest, since he too is high needs and has health problems. So when all else would fail for you, just lean over the carseat and nurse her, it will do both of you good.
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