HELP! 25 Weeks Pregnant and Have a Job Interview

[SouthernBette]

I could really use some advice right now.

I had planned to stay home for the first year (or school year, in my case, as I teach) of my baby's life. I just got offered an interview for a full-time teaching position that I cannot pass up. I can probably go into the interview and somewhat mask my pregnant belly with a loose-fitting dress, but I wonder what will happen when/if I get the offer--and I think that there is a good chance I will. When must I tell them that I am expecting? Do I wait until I get an offer?

A couple of things:

1. The job is at a small college, so the schedule would be more flexible than a K-12 position.

2. I'm due early October but won't start teaching until late-August, thus I'll, inevitably, have to have a few weeks off in the middle of the semester.

3. I know they can't discriminate because of my pregnancy, but I wonder if there are ways around hiring me under the guise of some other issue.

4. I live in a pretty conservative Southern town, and it isn't the liberal college one might encounter in other regions where my "situation" would not be such an issue. (Then again, maybe I am underestimating the search committee members...)

I just REALLY need this job, and I don't want to be passed over due to my pregnancy. I have thought about asking them to just give me 3 weeks unpaid maternity leave. I would teach up until I give birth (literally), and I could either get a sub during that time or do a correspondence course for that period that I am out. Does this sound unreasonable? Since it is a new job, I don't expect paid maternity leave, and the college is right by my home, so I could come home several times in the middle of the day to breastfeed. I also figure that I'll be teaching a 4 course per semester load, and I might be able to secure some night courses (dh could watch her at night) and some online courses.

Am I just fooling myself here? I know that my credentials are above and beyond the job's requirements, so I fear that my perceived "weakness" (this pregnancy, though I am a very healthy and strong pregnant woman) could be the only thing that hinders me from getting this position.

Please offer any advice/tips/information. I sincerely appreciate you reading and helping me. This impending interview is keeping me awake at night. Thank you!

[kalamos23]

I'd be upfront and honest with them about it BUT I'd also bring up the solutions you have given us.

[SteelerMom]

I interviewed in August while pregnant for my son who was born on Halloween. It was for a nursing position at two local hospitals. I was up front about the pregnancy because I had to be and they didn't seem to care. Of course, this was for a per diem position and not a full time position so maybe that made a difference. I think you have to be honest and if you feel this is a job you are truly interested in, you should do the interview.

[4myfinn]

I hope you don't mind if I share my story:

I interviewed for a position at our local college before I was pregnant (well, I had conceived the day before ), but by the time they offered me the position I was five weeks along and had just found out. I started the job at six weeks and didn't say anything about being pregnant, because I wasn't showing and did not want to announce the pregnancy until the end of the first trimester. I also had dealt with extensive fertility issues and, frankly, I didn't think it was anyone's business yet. I wanted to make sure I was "out of the woods" before I told them. When I finally told my boss I was pregnant, she was fine about it and happy for me, but some of my colleagues were very snarky about it. One of my co-workers, T, revealed to me that the subject of my pregnancy and "if I knew about it when I interviewed" had become the favorite subject of departmental gossip. I also carried VERY large (people often asked me if I was having twins) and straight out and T told me that people were saying that I was lying about my due date to make it seem like I wasn't as far along when I started. All this at a college, in a "professional" environment. It was really sickening, and, honestly, helped me to make my decision to resign after my DS's birth and stay home. I felt a little redeemed when DS was 8 days overdue (I had to be induced) and I think it became clear to everyone that I hadn't been lying. I was so disgusted by my colleagues' behavior that I never even took DS in to meet everyone. I only keep in contact with my boss, the sole supportive one.

I would be absolutely up-front. Don't hide the pregnancy, but bring up the solutions you mentioned to us. They'll respect you for being proactive about it.

[happysmileylady]

On one hand-I say don't tell. Pregnancy discrimination exists in a way I never imagined that it could in this day and age. No, they can't not hire you because of the pregnancy, but all they have to say is that so and so was more qualified and that's that. And, even if the interviewing person wouldn't deliberately use the pg against you, it can still become a subconsious mark against you.

On the other hand-you then have to ask yourself if you really want to work for someone who would discriminate like that in the first place. Because if a pregnancy and maternity leave is a problem, what else might become a problem?

[BreakfastyMichele]

You're not obligated to disclose your pregnancy until they offer the job. Only at *that* point would I mention it. . .and I'd offer your solutions right up front, along with a statement about how pleased you will be to join their faculty.

[expat_canuck]

I don't know how obviously pregnant you are - but either way, I wouldn't talk about the pregnancy. That's not what you're there for - you're there to show them that you'll be the best candidate for the position. I would focus on being the best candidate for the job - you can't control whether they hire you or not, pregnant or not pregnant.

Of course, if that makes you uncomfortable, you can bring it up and tell them that you that you have childcare sorted out and that you will be responsible for your students and finding a replacement etc., but I would quickly change the subject back to your qualifications and why you feel you would be a good hire in that department. I wouldn't make too many promises about leave time, just in case something happens that you don't currently anticipate- whether you wind up being put on bed rest, or have a c-section, or just plain old change your mind - I think it is better to focus on your actions (being responsible for your students, finding replacements as necessary) than your requests (for time off).

If you were a male candidate, and your wife was pregnant, would you expect that to affect your teaching in such a way as to bring it up in an interview? I think acting like your family life/pregnancy is your personal business, unrelated to your suitability for the position is probably the right idea.

I'm currently unemployed, and that what I intend to do in an interview.

[aikigypsy]

I have a slightly different take on this. My mother was teaching (at a university in the South) when I was born in 1970. She was back at work 2 weeks post-partum and I think she was very career-focused when I was small. Even though she mostly had jobs with flexible schedules, I don't think it was good for our relationship.

Practically, you can do it, but getting this job might make it harder for you to live up to your own ideals of what you'd like to do/be as a mother.

Sorry if this sounds reactionary to you -- it's weirdly old-fashioned of me in some ways -- but your situation is so similar to what my mother's was that I wanted to share my experience. Oh, and definitely only mention the pregnancy after you're hired!

[34me]

I interviewed for my job when I was 7ish months pregnant with my eventual 10 pounder so there was no hiding it. Honestly I wouldn't bring it up.

[Qbear'smama]

I interviewed for a position when I was about 5 months pregnant and I did not tell them at the interview, I was kinda showing, but I wore a blazer and they definitely couldn't tell. The thing was, it was not a job you are allowed to do pregnant where I lived (youth protection) so when they offered me the position a month later, I fessed up to being pregnant and declined the position (made it kinda sound like things had changed in the interim rather than admit I was pregnant at the interview) but they had really wanted to hire me and so encouraged me to call when I was done mat leave. I did so and they hired me. I felt like had I said something at the interview, it could have influenced their thinking about me and I wanted them to see how suited for the position I was, which I think paid off in the end, but just not at that moment.

I know you said you need the job, but given that you are a great candidate, would they maybe want you for the next semester (if it's not full year courses you'd be teaching?) or is it one position and you'd be out of luck? (I am guessing it's the latter). I would feel very guilty about taking the offer knowing I'd be leaving mid-semester and then springing it on them after I'm hired. I'd be worried it would leave a bad taste in their mouths about me if it was a position I would want to keep long-term. The issue is not the pregnancy for me, it's the dishonesty about it when accepting the position. I agree with briefly mentioning it at the interview and focusing on what a great asset you'd be to the department and let the chips fall where they may. I am a big believer in things happening the way they are meant to and when I had to pass that job up because I was pregnant, I was pretty disappointed, but in the end it worked out and I got the job anyway. In the meantime, I ended up taking a really crappy job I was waaaay overqualified for, but for which being pregnant didn't matter, but them's the breaks. I totally feel for you. Good luck!!

[honeybee]

I would not mention it, it's none of their business, really, and they are legally not allowed to ask you, even if you are obviously 9 months and showing. All kinds of things that "shouldn't" be an issue do make a difference in determining who gets hired. I remember sitting in on interviews where a great candidate was ruled out because she had a master's degree, and thus would start at a higher pay scale (I taught in high school, and was a very young department chair due to high turnover in our district at the time).

Whether you tell them after accepting the offer or wait until later to disclose the information is entirely up to you. I would NOT mention any maternity leave proposals until you know what their policy is for a full-time employee. And then you should take whatever they give you, or negotiate for more... if you fully intend to be a long-term employee. If you are overqualified for the job, and you are going to be there awhile, then really, the several weeks of maternity leave is still a good investment for the university. But, discrimination is still quite rampant... probably even more so at the University/College level than in K-12, as a couple of my female professor friends attest. Do not start negotiating from a "give in" stance because you feel guilty about taking maternity leave. We have a backwards stance in this country that maternity leave is a privilege rather than a basic right, as it is in most other industrial countries.

I do think you are being a bit naive about how much time you are going to need after the baby's born. Three weeks? No way. Even if your schedule is "flexible" if you're being hired full-time, you'll still have a full teaching load. I had anemia after my first, and was barely able to go out of the house for two hours by two weeks after birth, let alone stand on my feet and teach. I was not much better by three weeks. Even with my later kids, where my births were perfect and I recovered my energy well, the truth is babies are really NEEDY, and it is VERY difficult to be separated from them--emotionally and logistically-- for even a couple hours. It can take up to 6 weeks for some babies to get the hang of breastfeeding (although some babies don't have any problems at all). You would be much better off taking the remainder of the semester and returning winter semester, even if you have to use FMLA and the 12 unpaid weeks. At least you would have a full salary to go back to at the end of that time.

[4myfinn]

Originally Posted by honeybee

You would be much better off taking the remainder of the semester and returning winter semester, even if you have to use FMLA and the 12 unpaid weeks. At least you would have a full salary to go back to at the end of that time.

FMLA is only available if you've been employed there for at least 12 months.

[4myfinn]

As PP's said, no, you are not obligated to disclose your pregnancy and it is against the law for them to discriminate against you. However, think about the implications if you intentionally hide your pregnancy in the interview. When your employer inevitably finds out it could make your job quite . . . uncomfortable at a time when you will also be dealing with the stress of a new teaching position and the upcoming arrival of your baby. It's not a situation I would want to be in, no matter how badly I needed a job. (But I am very sensitive to stress and don't always deal with it well.) Also, can you successfully mask the pregnancy without looking like someone purposely hiding it? If you don't want to mention it, fine, but I would not hide it.

I do agree with previous comments that you may be underestimating the amount of time it may take for you to recover. It would have been impossible for me to go back to work three weeks postpartum, even if I desperately wanted to. I was still anemic and dizzy and barely able to get out of the house.

[dollysods]

Telling them puts them in the position of having to at least think about the anti-discrimination laws which might not be ideal. I was in the same position not too long ago and was advised by human resources at my current job that they advise not telling. I would tell once you are offered the job as part of contract negotiations...

But do whatever you are most comfortable with. I had some colleagues think it was horrible that I wasn't telling prospective interviewers because it "isn't fair to them" and "would you really want to work for them if they were to discriminate." Actually, it might not be fair to them (or to the students or in my case patients that would have continuity interrupted), but discriminating against pregnant women is not fair either and it happens all the time. If it is a job you want, go for it-- the interview should be about your qualifications not your reproductive status.

[trekkingirl]

I have always lived pay check to pay check. My husband and I both work very physical jobs that pay just enough to leave us scraping without being able to get any help from programs like wic and such. That said, I had no choice but to work through my pregnancies. Your pregnancy and your childs babyhood fly by. I know first hand that it goes by even faster when you spend 20-40 hours a week with your focus elsewhere. I saw that your original plan was to stay home. You should stick with that original plan. There will always be a good job around later. It might even be a better job than this one. No amount of extra money is worth giving up precious time with your baby. Especially if you can get by on what you have now. You will regret it for the rest of your life. Once it's gone, you can't get the time back either. Once your baby arrives and you begin to bond, you will know in your heart that you made the right choice to stay home. Good Luck!

[queenofjuly]

I am not sure why you would ever disclose it in an interview.

For example, I have a chronic health condition that causes intermittent flareups. I did not think it was necessary to disclose this in the initial interview. When I received the job offer, I discussed it with my boss and he was very receptive and understanding (in fact his wife has MS so he understood the nature and problems with a chronic disease, etc.).
Another example, say you have a trip planned a few months down the road and you are going to be out for 3 weeks. I wouldn't tell my prospective employer until the job offer happens.

[SouthernBette]

You all gave me so much to think about, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Seriously, this kept me up at night. Here is how the interview went:

I did not try to hide it, but I did have to go buy a dress for the interview that looked professional enough. It was a regular dress in a size bigger than my normal size, and it made me feel confident. I didn't draw attention to my belly, and my intention was not to hide it, but I didn't want my pregnancy to be the focus during the interview from the moment I walked into the room. I agree that I was not obligated to say anything, but I thought it unfair to leave them hanging in the middle of the semester, so I planned to bring it up at the end of my interview. Well, that didn't happen. I was in a room with EIGHT people. I was at the front of the room, sitting at a table in the center, as if I were on stage. I assumed they could tell, but no one said or indicated as such. I found out that the workload was even more than I anticipated, and thus I am fearful of how I could do the job anyways unless they gave me all online classes to teach for the first semester.

This is getting to me emotionally, and I agree with several comments that say I'll never be able to do this short leave timeline, and I know it would be tough to be away from my child. I won't know until the middle of next week if they want to hire me or not, but I'm actually considering calling back and speaking to the dean about the maternity issue just to be honest.

Thanks again everyone. I'll update when I know whether I got the offer or whether I will take the job.

[4myfinn]

Thanks for the update! I've been thinking about you and wondering what you decided to do. I can understand how emotional this must be- finding a balance between what's fair for you, your child, and your potential employer.

I would simply wait and see if you're offered the job and then speak with them about maternity leave. If you discover it's not going to work for you and your baby, you don't have to accept the job (as painful as that may be).

Good luck!

[trekkingirl]

So did you end up taking the job? Did you tell them about the baby? Any updates?

[SouthernBette]

I never did do a follow-up call, and I should know in another two days whether or not they will offer the job to me. I don't think I'll know until then how I'm going to answer them, but I am stronger now, and I know that I'll do whatever it takes to negotiate the best deal for both my child and myself. I'll post another update in a few days!

Fingers crossed that I make the right decision!