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hubby is persistant - Page 2

post #21 of 57
My son is 15 on the swim team. Trust me he isn't being tease and the last thing they tease about is penis.

"Why you staring at my d*ck?" solves a lot.
post #22 of 57
If it makes him feel any better about your son's sex life you can point out that the area of the world responsible for the Kama Sutra also has low circumcision rates.

I also question WHY the US has such high usage of Viagra and other ED medications if circumcision supposedly doesn't do anything negative to a man's sex life (wikipedia refutes this but all studies that say circumcision IMPROVED their sex life were surveys, not actual studies, of course men are going to say their sex life is good if the alternative is embarrassing!).
post #23 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann-Marita View Post
Have HIM do the research and present to YOU an evidenced-based argument {to} "cut a chunk off".

ANYthing he comes up with can be shot down
It's important to keep cool if he throws something at you that you haven't got a ready rebuttal for. Don't BS him. Say: "I saw something about that online. Let me look it up and we'll address that tomorrow."

This is a life-changing cosmetic penile reduction surgery. One more day to research it could only be objected to by a bona fide monster.

To me this is NOT about "unneccessary surgery" but rather avoiding the 100% certain loss of the fullness of sexual experience, and avoiding the real risk of outcomes like you'd see if you Googled circumcision damage.

-Ron
post #24 of 57
I lived in Galveston and I bet he will not be even close to the only one in the locker room who isn't circed. Not to mention that locker rooms are a lot more conservative and private now.
post #25 of 57
I also live in TX.

My first ds was surgically altered at birth but his brothers were not. His friends are not. As mentioned before, there are more boys with a complete set of male genitals than boys who have had the surgery.

My children participate in a "Parent's Night Out" at Lifetime Fitness where they swim and compete in various gym activities. They're changing out of their wet suits in the locker rooms & in front of their peers. They're not noticing what other boys look like. I don't think they care.


If your dd's breast looked weird and "different" than the other girls in the locker room would you encourage surgery?

Gillian made the perfect argument. I'll echo, building a healthy self esteem and a strong backbone is paramount to good parenting.
post #26 of 57
dh (31) nd ffil (58) are both intact, no teasing for either of them. ds1 and 2 dont e pose their penis to anyone so the issue has never come up for them. i would sooner get a divorce than to be bullied into doing a circ. the guilt would forever haunt me
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post #27 of 57
MY bro in law coaches high school varsity baseball, football and junior varsity junior high school baseball. He told me, "curves left, curves right, too big, too small, light, dark, pink, cut, uncut they will find something if they want to tease a peer." He said there really isn't a way to avoid being teased at that age and that it is often a bonding thing they do.

I don't think any form of bullying is right, but he coaches in deep East Texas (used to coach right outside of Houston) and he said the kids get by with a certain level of 'teasing' but not 'bullying.'

A bunch of 10 year old boys helped change my son's diaper all weekend and no one said a word about it looking different, and all the boys were circ'ed.
post #28 of 57
I started a thread a few weeks ago titled "post locker room stories here" or something close to that. I can't get it now or I'd post the link.
post #29 of 57
post #30 of 57
I disagree with those that have said that someone questioning the decision to circ shouldn't research. That was me, and my failure to do research led to my son being cut. If I HAD done the research, he wouldn't have been. My husband gave me reasons that sounded logical to me at the time, and since I hadn't researched it myself, I had no idea they were completely false. If just ONE PERSON had suggested I do the research against it, I wouldn't be racked with guilt and nearly die of shame every time I see my son naked. It's easy to say that the burden of proof is on the one wanting to do the cutting when you already know how horrible it really is. But when you're just starting to question, it doesn't work that way. Circumcision, whether we like it or not, is the status quo, and as the ones wanting to change the status quo, we need to know all the arguments, both for and against it, since there's mountains of propaganda-posing-as-evidence promoting cutting that the average person might take at face value as a valid argument. It doesn't mean you have to give credence to the specious arguments, just be aware of them. And yes, in the end, "his penis, his choice" should trump all other arguments, end of story. But all too often it doesn't.
post #31 of 57
I don't think anyone is saying that a person who is opposed to/question circ shouldn't do any research. They're saying that it's not up to the person who is opposed to find research supporting their point. If my dh were insistent that we circ, but wasn't even willing to do any research to back up a need for it, I wouldn't pay attention to him at all. If it's so very important, then he can at least make an effort. If the only effort he's willing to put forth is insisting that he's right, then he's out of luck, imo.
post #32 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Otterella View Post
If just ONE PERSON had suggested I do the research against it, I wouldn't be racked with guilt and nearly die of shame every time I see my son naked.

(((Hugs, mama))).
I just couldn't read that and not respond.
post #33 of 57
My husband is intact and he was NEVER teased about it, even 30 years ago. I asked him about that once and he looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Can you really imagine a teenage guy checking out another guy's package and getting away with it? HE'S the one who'd catch crap for that."

DS is also intact and we've never gotten any negative comments (or really, any comments) about it.
post #34 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by glongley
BTW, I heard from a very experienced midwife recently that she believes that Dads who insist on circumcising often have a fear that their son will never have a normal sex life. They don't know how the foreskin works, and can't imagine how you could have a satisfying sex life with the glans all covered up like that. Again, a matter of your husband getting educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post
and the truth is that your son, if left intact, will have a MORE satisfying love life, thanks to the functions of the foreskin. most adult men are circumcised and don't realize what they are missing. but the head of the penis is meant to stay moist via the foreskin covering. this contributes to the sexual experience in a very positive way.

i also agree that the onus on is your husband to prove to you why this surgery is NECESSARY... not "desirable" (in your husband's eyes)... but medically necessary -- "teasing" even if it happens is not enough of a reason to do this. there are real, major risks to circumcision surgery. bleeding, MRSA infection, medical errors, pain (probably still done without anaestesia at five weeks old), great suffering on the part of the child (suffering perhaps many times worse than any possible future teasing -- which is unlikely to happen anyway, as boys are not likely to admit to checking out another boy's penis in the locker rooms).

and let's not forget: this is not your husband's body or his penis. it belongs to your son, the whole penis. you have the chance to preserve his natural penis function for him, a gift for the rest of his life. stand your ground on this. please don't cave! come back here for more support. good luck!!
Excellent advice, and GREAT posts, every one of them..! I'm intact, and grew up at a time when the ratio of of circumcised to intact was about 2-1, and had communal showers after sports practice and games, and was NEVER teased about my intactness. I am SO THANKFUL that my parents left me intact, as it was one of the BEST decisions they ever made for me. They are forever in my gratitude for that.

If you allow your son to be circumcised, you most likely will live with the regret for many months or years. If you leave him intact, HE will likely be forever grateful for your decision. My parents never discussed these things with me and my brothers, and my only regret is that I never told them how appreciative I am for them keeping me intact... It's a different time now, and likely your son WILL express his gratitude to you at some point in his life. But even if he dosen't, YOU have done the right thing...
post #35 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post


Stay strong, mama. Be the mama bear and protect your cub!!
Agreed. You are his mother and have the RIGHT and obligation to protect your son from anyone who wants to hurt him, even his father.

(and how sad is that? that his own daddy wants to hurt him so that other boys will like the way his penis looks... proof that Dad is not coming from a place of logic on this subject)
post #36 of 57
I recently asked my intact DH about teasing during his k-12 years. He went to private school for high school and there were locker rooms with open showers. He told me there were one or two guys who said something, but my DH took it as insecurity on their part (and why were they standing around commenting on their peers' penises anyway?). He said he just laughed. They must have felt deep down that they were missing something.
post #37 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post
there are real, major risks to circumcision surgery. bleeding, MRSA infection, medical errors, pain (probably still done without anaestesia at five weeks old), great suffering on the part of the child (suffering perhaps many times worse than any possible future teasing -- which is unlikely to happen anyway, as boys are not likely to admit to checking out another boy's penis in the locker rooms).
And death. According to a recent article published in Thymos, circumcision results in the death of 117 baby boys every year. This is a higher death rate than SIDS in the first month of life. Somewhere between 1 in 5000 and 1 in 10000 circumcised babies will die.

No amount of potential teasing could justify this risk of death for my baby.
post #38 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Otterella View Post
I disagree with those that have said that someone questioning the decision to circ shouldn't research. That was me, and my failure to do research led to my son being cut. If I HAD done the research, he wouldn't have been. My husband gave me reasons that sounded logical to me at the time, and since I hadn't researched it myself, I had no idea they were completely false. If just ONE PERSON had suggested I do the research against it, I wouldn't be racked with guilt and nearly die of shame every time I see my son naked. It's easy to say that the burden of proof is on the one wanting to do the cutting when you already know how horrible it really is. But when you're just starting to question, it doesn't work that way. Circumcision, whether we like it or not, is the status quo, and as the ones wanting to change the status quo, we need to know all the arguments, both for and against it, since there's mountains of propaganda-posing-as-evidence promoting cutting that the average person might take at face value as a valid argument. It doesn't mean you have to give credence to the specious arguments, just be aware of them. And yes, in the end, "his penis, his choice" should trump all other arguments, end of story. But all too often it doesn't.


I feel the same way. For this reason I don't hesitate bringing it up when I know a mother is expecting. If I didn't say something and she regrets it and finds out I KNEW the information she wishes she had known she would resent me. That is a stake I will not risk.

On the other hand, if a doctor didn't solicit an arbitrary penis surgery on your healthy fully functioning son and did his job to instruct you on how to care for your son's complete genitals, "Don't retract, wipe like a finger from base to tip" you would see him as normal and not something that needed to be fixed. After all, if the "good" doctor is asking its gotta be a good thing right?

Why the hell do they ask if when an informed parent declines the surgery and they sigh,"Oh fantastic! I really hate doing those... your son is a lucky little guy! Now, there is no special care. Just be sure you don't retract and wipe from base to tip." ???

It should be against the law to solicit a penis reduction surgery on a non-consenting individual whose inalienable rights to personal autonomy is to be protected and respected. Is immoral to steal someone else's private property.
post #39 of 57
OP- haven't heard from you. How are things over there?
post #40 of 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitful womb View Post


I feel the same way. For this reason I don't hesitate bringing it up when I know a mother is expecting. If I didn't say something and she regrets it and finds out I KNEW the information she wishes she had known she would resent me. That is a stake I will not risk.
Yep, this is how I feel as well. I've posted pro-intact links on my FB page every now and then, and they've turned into quite heated debates. People get real defensive about their choices. But if the information I share helps change the mind of just ONE family out there, then it's all worth it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by titania8 View Post
OP- haven't heard from you. How are things over there?
Yeah, that. Hope you are doing OK.
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