Need ideas for weaning 22mth old

[calendula]

Hello,

I am desperate to wean for my sanity and physical well being. I am Just So Done. The nursing sessions seem to be getting longer (25-30min) and she never did that even as a newborn.

She nurses to nap, to sleep and when she gets up in the morning. These three sessions I could live with a bit longer. For the inbetween times sometimes she can go all the way between these, other times ask to nurse every hour.

She is not a big solid foods eater but she definitely ate more when she had a few weeks of not nursing as much. But she's just not that interested in real food so it's not a big attraction for her away from nursing.

My main tactic has been distract, distract but I find it hard to keep it up for weeks on end. The whining and crying when she really wants to nurse are hard for me to ignore (DH on the other hand has no problem!) At night my legs are absolutely killing me because I am on my feet all day - if I sit down she asks to nurse immediately.

I am looking for suggestions on other tactics for weaning a toddler who loves to nurse. I feel like I need to ramp up my efforts - so far the gradual approach hasn't worked and is just leading to more frustration on my end.
What are some approaches for a faster weaning - like one month?

Thanks!

[PGTlatte]

I do not have any experience with weaning quickly. However if I was starting with where you are, I would first limit nursing to those three sessions and stick to that schedule; after a few weeks of that schedule, start setting a time limit on those sessions, beginning with just a couple minutes under the current duration, and then gradually shorten the time; and eventually combine three sessions to two and then two to one. This is what I did with our DS1. However once I had him down to twice a day for under two minutes each time, I didn't mind it and he continued like that for a long time. I did take him down pretty quickly from frequent long nursing to limited shorter sessions pretty quickly, but didn't go all the way to weaning for a long time after that.

[madcap150]

I will tell you what I did to get DS down to 3 sessions a day, although it sounds similar to what you already have done. First we went down to 6 sessions a day-- wake up, before and after nap, bedtime, plus one session each in the morning and afternoon. I warned DS that we were going to do this the day before, and then each time he asked on the day we started I would just say "No, we will nurse again at (naptime, bedtime, whatever)" and offer cuddling, snack, water, and playing. After a few days DS was used to it and didn't ask "off schedule." So, we waited a while and then dropped the morning and afternoon sessions so we were at 4 sessions a day. I did it the same way-- warned him the day before and offered him alternatives when he asked. We then did the same thing to drop the after-nap session (and, eventually, the before nap session, the before bed session, and finally his morning nursing).

This all took place over a long period of time-- I cut him back to 6 sessions a day in November when he was 20 months old, and we finally weaned just last week. I found that each time I cut a nursing session out, I gained some sanity and willingness to continue (going from DONE DONE DONE to "OK, we're on the way to being done, I'm OK for a while.") And I found that if I was firm and unwavering about sticking to the "schedule," my DS was able to adjust within a few days.

As far as your time frame, a month is about the time frame that would allow you to wean gradually by cutting one nursing session out every few days. My DS and I took a much longer time, but I could have gone days instead of weeks or months between adjustments and been done much sooner.

[mushka3000]

I'm here to post pretty much the same thing so I'll bump this instead.

I have a 24-month old boob-obsessed toddler.

We are down to evening/night-feeding only as I WAHM so she can't ask when I'm not here. On a good day I can distract/dissuade her from attaching to my breasts as soon as I walk in the door, but on the bad day boob-refusals get met with a screaming tantrum. She nurses to sleep but I'm pretty sure the supply is minimal and she will happily munch and smooch into my breasts for 30+ minutes before she drifts off.

She is still waking to nurse 1-3 times per night and although we have tried night-weaning she will scream herself into a frantic hysterical mess.

I oscillate between considering a cold-turkey 2-3 night disappearance and (more and more rarely) actually treasuring our nursing time and being pleased to be such a source of comfort.

[Ruthla]

Remember that nursing is a relationship between two people. Mom's needs are just as important as the child's! It's perfectly OK to say "no" to any specific nursing request if you just don't feel like it at that moment. It's also OK to offer to nurse sometimes and deny requests other times.

Calendula- it really sounds like you need to set some limits on nursing. Since you're OK with the bedtime, wakeup, and naptime nursings, but not the "random times during the day" nursings, maybe make a "only nurse in bed" rule. If you sit down, it's NOT time to nurse; only if you're lying down in bed with her. If you don't nurse in bed, then maybe a special chair for nursing, and no nursing when you're sitting somewhere else.

If you don't want to try that, other ideas would be to limit the time of each nursing session, and/or to make sure she's had a snack and a drink before nursing.

The key is to gradually cut back on the nursings in one way or another. Each time you've settled into a new "reduced nursing" routine, evaluate how you're both doing before cutting back further. You may find that you're happy to continue nursing her when it's only 3 times a day. Or you may find that you're ready to cut back further and continue on with full weaning. But that's not a decision you need to make right now- just set the limits and go one step at a time.

Mushka- it really sound to me like your LO isn't ready to cut back on nursing yet. I would try to find some ways to nurture yourself a bit after work before nursing. If you could sneak in the side door and go to the bathroom, put down your purse, etc, before she knows you're home, you might be better prepared to nurse her when she first sees you. Or simply explain to her that Mommy needs a few minutes to settle down at home before you're ready to nurse. She's old enough to understand that concept, but young enough to easily forget and need CONSTANT reminders.

Both of you, remember that weaned toddlers are still toddlers. A 2yo is likely to be clingy and throw tantrums when Mommy walks in the door after work, whether she's still nursing or not. Weaned toddlers often do wake up at night for snuggles. A lot of time, general parenting frustrations get blamed on nursing, when weaning wouldn't actually solve the problem.

[csrabine]

Originally Posted by mushka3000

I have a 24-month old boob-obsessed toddler.

I feel your pain... My almost-24-month toddler is boob-crazy too. I work outside of the home 40 hours per week and he does just fine at preschool all day without boob (he eats really well too). But he wants boob as soon as I get home from work, after dinner, before bathtime, before bedtime, and ALL NIGHT LONG (every 2 hours). If the grandparents are visiting, he doesn't ask for boob until bedtime, so I suspect that he really doesn't NEED it all that much... I am SOOO tired and want to be done done done with the breastfeeding. Also, he is so active while breastfeeding (pop-on, pop-off, pop-on, pop-off, pinching, kneading, pulling, kicking, throwing his head back and forth while attached, etc.) that it actually kind of hurts, which also makes me wish it was done. I was wondering if I put something that tastes really bad on my nipples if he would want to give it up? But that's probably a bad idea... Sigh, at this rate I feel like I'll be nursing him until he's 5, and I will lose my sanity by then from the sleep deprivation...

[annettemarie]

Reopening with several posts removed.

Please keep in mind that MDC hosts suggestions for gentle weaning. Just as we wouldn't host suggestions to place hot sauce or soap on a child's tongue to discourage certain behaviors, we do not host posts that suggest putting foul-tasting substances on the nipple as a means to encourage weaning. Please feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns.

[Surfacing]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Remember that nursing is a relationship between two people. Mom's needs are just as important as the child's! [..]

Both of you, remember that weaned toddlers are still toddlers. A 2yo is likely to be clingy and throw tantrums when Mommy walks in the door after work, whether she's still nursing or not. Weaned toddlers often do wake up at night for snuggles. A lot of time, general parenting frustrations get blamed on nursing, when weaning wouldn't actually solve the problem.

Wisdom! Thanks for that
NAK

[Birdie B.]

I just wanted to thank everyone for this thread! I am in the same position OP! I don't mind nursing for naps and at bedtime, but the constant demands are getting so old! And I'm really just ready to be done! As soon as she turns 2, I am going to look into slowly weaning her. I know lots of mothers let their children self-wean, but I just can't take it much longer! I hope that doesn't make me a bad mother....

[physmom]

Originally Posted by Birdie B.

I just wanted to thank everyone for this thread! I am in the same position OP! I don't mind nursing for naps and at bedtime, but the constant demands are getting so old! And I'm really just ready to be done! As soon as she turns 2, I am going to look into slowly weaning her. I know lots of mothers let their children self-wean, but I just can't take it much longer! I hope that doesn't make me a bad mother....

I'm really in the same boat as you. We want to wean DD around age 2 (maybe a little longer just to get us out of the cold/flu season). I totally support childled-weaning but I'm just so fed up with nursing at the moment. We also want to TTC a little after DD turns 2 and knowing how mom-centric DD I think it'd be good for her to have a bit of a break between when the "bobo"'s are hers and when she has to relinquish them to a younger brother/sister. Plus, I wouldn't mind having a glass or wine or two before we TTC again.

One thing that has helped us is to up DD's cow's milk intake. She seems to want a lot of dairy in general and when she has milk she doesn't ask to nurse quite as much. However, the problem that we've been running into lately is that if she nurses less during the day than she tries to nurse more at night....

[Surfacing]

NAK
Not much time, just wanted to jump in here and share that I started to shorted dd's nursing time by counting down when it was time to get off, and eventually got to the point where I could sing a song like happy birthday, and that's how long she could nurse on one side.

I am going through periods where I am teaching her that I can provide her with comfort in other ways, having her sit on my lap and hugging her, rocking her and saying loving words, stroking her hair, etc. Eventually she has come to accept these other forms of comfort more and more. Not always though.

Still nursing her some here, but aiming to wean by the new year.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I weaned ds this summer. First we went down to the 3 standard times (morning, nap, bedtime) and then I started cutting down on time, I would sing "Abc's" and tell him that I would sing one time and then we would be done, etc.

Really the only way I was able to really wean was, not being home at bedtime, so dp was in charge of bedtime and ds went to sleep without nursing. He has a water bottle (straw style or sport top, not "nipple" bottle) and he does drink a lot of water at bedtime and if he wakes up at night, I think he does have a comfort assocaition with drinking because of nursing, but I don't have a problem with him drinking water at night.

Cutting out naps (this was very hard on all of us at first, but now seems to be fine, ds will still nap some days when he needs to or if we are in the car, but if we are home we just do quiet time)

Moving ds to his own room. I thought that was going to make it harder for him, but we gave him his own room, with a futon on the floor, and that was how I night weaned, I just wasn't there all the time. For the record I do end up sleeping with him in his bed most nights, but sometimes not until like 4 or 5 am and sometimes eariler, like midnight or so, but he just wants me in bed and doesn't ask to nurse.

Ds was also in preschool and we upped his amount of time there, so he was there ALL day several days, which meant he wasn't nursing.

When I was home all day with him we did LOTS of stuff. We went to the playground, had friends over, went to musuems, ran errands, pretty much go, go go all day, then he didn't ask. As we were able to cut down or cut out nursing session we didn't need to be so busy, but in the begining we needed to be really busy!

[JaguarEyes]

Same situation - thanks for this thread!

Hi all,

So, I am starting to gradually wean my 22 month old. Same as many of you, I was able to get it down to three times a day (morning, nap, bedtime) and recently managed to night wean even though he was a wake up every two hours and ask to nurse and co-sleeping kid. Now he goes back to sleep when I say no mommy milk and asks to snuggle instead (so sweet).

But now that I have been here for 2 weeks, I am not sure what to do. He nurses to sleep (although I am trying to not let him continue all the way to falling asleep to try and get him to learn to drift off himself) so how do I cut out the nap and night time ones?

I was thinking of trying to eliminate the morning one next, even though that means we will get up earlier (ugh - love that extra hour of sleep). Or would it be better to start lessening the time of all the sessions?

Thoughts?

Thanks!