how has long-term sleep deprivation changed you? - Page 3

[Violet2]

The first year was hell, sleep deprivation felt very much like PPD for me, but since I felt better any time I got some sleep, I knew I wasn't depressed. The second year was one of gradual improvement as DD slept more and more (and finally napped).

Now, half way through the third year, I feel like my brain and memory came back and I feel mostly normal again. Although I still make stupid typos and have lots of brain farts.

But I have no tolerance for a bad nights' sleep. I need sleep still or I suffer. So my sleep stores have not yet been replenished.

V

[secondimpression]

Only skimmed a few replies but have a different perspective.

I went back to WOH FT 6 weeks PP...became a single mom at 4.5 months then had a surprise pregnancy at 8 months. DS is 15 months now and still rarely sleeps longer than 3 hours before waking for a bottle/diaper change/cuddle/whatever. Him STTN before the new baby gets here is not looking likely and I expected that a while ago since he's always been a crappy sleeper. So I went through those phases of being absolutely miserable and mad at the world because I wasn't getting a decent night's rest and can definitely sympathize.

What really helped me though was reading somewhere that "no one on this earth is entitled to a full night's sleep". It really put it in perspective for me that an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep truly is a luxury and not a basic human right. Once I digested that fact, I was much more at peace with not getting enough sleep.

[always hope]

I totally am where you are at. Working 2 days a week and she wakes at least 4 times a night and at the moment won't go to bed before 8:30pm. So I am wacked. But after repeated viruses I saw a naturopath and the supplements have definitely helped. I also have Saturday mornings to myself while DH takes her to swimming. That extra rest and a nap one afternoon in the weekend is what keeps me going.
The hardest thing for me is that I really wanted a big family but I just don't know how I could manage another child and more years of being this tired.

[Aries1985]

My daughter will be 2 on Monday and she's just started somewhat reliably sleeping through the night. We night weaned at about 21-22 months and DH became her night time parent. This helped a TON. She also doesn't sleep with us anymore, again, this is the only way to keep her asleep. She used to be awake at least once a week from 1-4am and up for the day around 4 or 5. She also doesn't nap well and never did. She usually needs help transitioning between sleep cycles at nap, so I get 35 minutes, hold her for 15 and sometimes get to put her back down for 20.

I was miserable, always angry, depressed, etc... Now, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and STILL not sleeping well because I'm uncomfortable and all those emotions are still there. I feel so bad for my DH because all my patience is used up for my dd and many days, I'm just DONE. I'm terrified that #2 will have the same crappy sleep patterns as her big sister.

[sashanellie]

I just want to say thank you, you have spoken from my own heart when I have felt so alone and inadequate. I can't wait to get some sleep. It's going on 4 years for me.

Originally Posted by Tellera

I WOH. I have a 4 1/2 year old who was up 3 - 4 times a night until bout a year. I went back to work at 3 months.

I swore I would never have another child because the chronic sleep deprivation. I was sad all the time, incredibly quick to anger, and had panic attacks about losing my job because I was obviously not meeting expectations. And I caught every cold that came around.

Things got a lot better a few months after I startd getting full nights of sleep. When I was consistently sleeping 8 hours for about six months, things became SO much easier.

And now I have a 4 month old. And I cry a lot. And, again, I am sad, very quick to anger, and get sick all the time. And I worry more about losing my job.

I make it through each day and each night because I do know that at some point in the future I WILL sleep again. That is actually the difference this time around - I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere.

But this is it. We are done.

[sammymama]

I had to check back in on this post, and I feel so much gratitude to everyone who wrote in! It makes me feel so much better seeing that so many people have had similar experiences. I had a period of such exhaustion that when people would say to me, 'you should really get some sleep!' (as if it was something I was choosing!) my eyes would practically cross in my head and I wanted to scream at them!!

DD is now 11 months old and I have seen a drastic improvement in her sleep in just 2 weeks. And I mean, now she will only stir about every 2 hours (as opposed to every 30-90 min) - and that feels like HEAVEN in comparison. The other night she was cutting a new tooth and was awake and uncomfortable from about 10pm-1am, but then when she fell asleep she slept for 5 HOURS without stirring. This has never, ever happened, and of course I woke up in a complete and total panic, lol. But, truly, it is amazing how much better I felt the next day, and in general how much my overall outlook on life has improved. (Not to mention my ability to articulate a full sentence!) I am usually a pretty peppy, optimistic person and it has been really hard to feel like I have to struggle to see the good side of things/people.

I also fully agree with the posters who said it has been a life lesson in just taking everything down a notch. 5-6 weeks ago I was really hitting a wall and I decided not to worry about doing anything at all besides taking care of the baby, cooking healthy food for the family, and being nice to myself (ie if I had enough energy I would take a run or exercise, just do something small that I enjoyed). If I could fit in something like the dishes or laundry, then great, but otherwise I just let it go. And that was HUUUUGE for my type-a, control-freak self to come to terms with.

Last night DD had a rough night with a tooth again but it was SOOOO much easier to be compassionate and kind (the kind of mama she deserves) in the wee hours when I had to be out of bed, bouncing her on a ball to get her back to sleep for 2 hours, as compared to when I was exhausted and had all sorts of black thoughts stewing in my head as I bounced!

So, to the mamas who are still tired - just be as nice to yourself as possible. Hang in there!!